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07.01.20, 16:00 PM General Topics
13 replies
What advice would you give to a DC who is driven, hardworking and talented, but often gets overlooked by teachers/coaches in favor of more outgoing kids? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 07.01.20, 04:00 PM Flag
 

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I think it will be fine in the long run if they continue to work hard. Why does it matter if teachers notice them. I can understand coaches. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.01.20, 04:08 PM Flag
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Find ways to promote themselves, even if it isn't overt or in front of the whole team/class. Things like sending a video or work sample of something they did independently to the teacher or coach directly. Not to fish for complements, but just like, "Wanted to share something I've been working on. Thanks for the help/advice." [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.01.20, 04:19 PM Flag
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*compliments [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.01.20, 04:19 PM Flag
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I was that kid growing up, and I raised one of them too. We are both very introverted and tend to underplay our strengths. The drive, hardwork and talent will always serve him/her well, but I think it is good for their confidence to be noticed as well. What I'd tell your child is they need to do one small thing to speak up/get noticed in their classes and practices--try to say one thing each time in class, try to ask coach about something during practice; just one small thing. It gets easier and easier. My DS now speaks up at college, approached professors about doing research, and has now established ongoing relationships with professors and TA'd classes. Baby steps. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.01.20, 04:20 PM Flag
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prof here and I never know what to do with the kid who barely speaks in class and then offers something insignificant to a discussion. I was once very shy as a kid but knew how to perform in a classroom. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.01.20, 08:04 PM Flag
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Teach dc to talk about all that he/she has done. It’s not enough to do the work. You have to talk about it constantly to decision makers - teachers coaches later boss [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.01.20, 04:31 PM Flag
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I agree with this. As one of these kids too I only recently wrote my first email outlining some accomplishments in a certain field and I couldn't believe how foreign the feeling of doing so was. Hugely wish I had learned this earlier- might now be that badass mom complaining about her husband. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.01.20, 04:37 PM Flag
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Only do this if it suits your family and DC's personality. I find self-promotion so obnoxious and look for quiet, driven, overlooked types who do not need a lot of reinforcement to do well. I see the behavior as a sign of internal drive and motivation that outperforms in the long run. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.01.20, 09:11 PM Flag
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Unfortunately, this type of person tends to end up like that in the corporate world too. I would help that kid talk about self-promoting. It's hard though, because some people naturally have it, and others are just not built that way. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.01.20, 04:53 PM Flag
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This will not be a popular opinion -- but the more we fight for equality and less for meritocracy, the more the ones who are above-average will be overlooked because they are "fine". [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.01.20, 09:01 PM Flag
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Wish I knew. DD is an A student but rarely speaks in class according to her teachers and refuses to speak during group discussions. Not an assertive bone in her body. I'm trying to encourage but she's very resistant. Sad. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.01.20, 09:16 PM Flag
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Is she anxious? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.01.20, 09:56 PM Flag
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I’m not sure if you want comforting words or actual advice. So much of society is based on rewarding those who play the game well or are great self-promoters, as opposed those who work hard or produce quality output (although some lucky people are both). If DC is really young, and “outgoing” is code for “badly behaved”, I found that this phase wore off and teachers do start to notice talented hard workers soon. If older, it’s time to start guiding them toward one or two things: become better at promoting themselves or seek out opportunities that reward people solely on merit/quantitatively measured output. If they’re into sports, seek out ones that reward the best times and output, like swimming, track, or rowing. If they’re into music, they should move to instruments that are less common and more needed (bassoon, French horn). Etc. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.01.20, 09:48 PM Flag
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