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06.22.20, 21:56 PM General Topics
17 replies
Hi, Forgive me if I vent, I don't have friends/family around for support. If bothered because I posted before, you can just skip this. I am really trying my best but so overwhelmed. Dh wants a divorce and just left (second time in 2 months) after another one of his meltdowns out of the blue... I have applied to 24 jobs only this month and have heard nothing (not even from previous applications). In the meantime I took some freelance assignment for a month, that I can do at home - although it is really time consuming and paying $7 an hour (but doing all I can) 16 year old dc will leave in August to spend a year w the father in Europe (there is a great school there and best option right now given what is going on) but it is really hard when you don't know what to expect. This pandemic is just the icing on the cake. I am trying to put the best foot forward every day.AND I am not just commiserating and not doing anything, I have been trying to plan/do for a couple of years now (since I realized dh has bpd and would never change). But I am human and feel frustrated, sad, longing for friendships, maybe just having a cup of coffee w someone and a chat. Anyway, trying to spend a couple of hours reading before bed, it would always help me relax. More difficult these days. I try not to cry, because dc would worry and I don't want that. But funny that throughout this situation, and at 51, I still have my dreams, wonder if that helps. Thank you. [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 06.22.20, 09:56 PM Flag
 

Dear UrbanBaby community,

Thank you so much for being a valued member of the UrbanBaby community. We wanted to inform you that we are shutting down the site on July 6th. We are grateful for your participation and support that has helped make UrbanBaby such an important resource to parents for many years.

If you have any questions or concerns, you can email us at urbanbaby-support@cbsinteractive.com.

Thanks so much,

UrbanBaby Support

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Why don't you have an friends? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.20, 10:06 PM Flag
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op- I have some, but in NYC. I have not been able to make any here. Even though I have tried w everything (volunteering at dc school, classes etc.) In late 40s early 50s it's not easy and this place is very clicky. Everyone had kids when they were younger and everyone pretty much knows everyone else from grade school or college and has all their family here. People at most area cordial and say hello. But not much interest in connecting otherwise. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.20, 10:11 PM Flag
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I know how it is. It's similar for me. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.23.20, 12:02 AM Flag
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Did you find a therapist yet? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.20, 10:18 PM Flag
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op- yes, have had one for almost 18 months. Since March we do a phone session once every 2 weeks. It helps a bit. But I may not be able to pay for it if/when dh cuts me out. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.20, 10:36 PM Flag
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This too shall pass. Kudos to you for doing the best you can for dc, even if it means time away. I can only imagine how hard that is. Your hard work will pay off, it's just a matter of time. Know that and be proud of yourself. It isn't easy but know that good things are going to come. Crossing my fingers and toes for you OP! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.20, 10:30 PM Flag
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op thank you so much for your words. They help at this time, I really appreciate it... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.20, 10:36 PM Flag
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Op, it's doable. I landed in NYC with 2 dcs for a job after divorcing DH(who was/is an alcoholic). Lost my job after 4 months, lost our apt and we were living in hotels moving each week to find the cheapest rate. Right as I was about to give up, I landed a job, worked really hard, moved up the ladder and now doing well. You CAN do this, stay strong and be positive! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.20, 11:01 PM Flag
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Np. Just logged in to say that’s an amazing story. I’m going through a divorce and found that inspiring. I don’t know you, but I’m so proud of you! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.20, 11:38 PM Flag
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op here, just coming back to the post. What an amazing story, really. Thank you so much for sharing, this gives me hope. One of my dreams is to be able to move back to NYC. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.23.20, 01:46 AM Flag
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:: slow clap :: You're an absolute boss. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.23.20, 12:35 AM Flag
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np AGREED! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.23.20, 02:04 AM Flag
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If you like to read, maybe join a book club? Could be a good way to meet nice, normal people and take your mind off your troubles. Here are some online ones: https://time.com/5809322/social-distancing-book-clubs/ [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.23.20, 12:02 AM Flag
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Great idea. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.23.20, 12:56 AM Flag
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op- thanks that sounds like a great idea, was looking for something where I could connect w people. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.23.20, 01:47 AM Flag
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You have posted many times. I'm sorry you are feeling so down. I think that as cliche as it sounds, you need to accept the things you can't change and have the courage to change the things you can. You cannot change DH/soon to be ex-DH. Be neutral with him when he's around. But always be planning your departure. How old is DS now - 13? You said you have friends in nyc. Do you have any that you are close enough to move in with for a stretch - let's say 3 months? That would give you time to find a place out here - somewhere cheap and far out. You can ask us where to find places where the schools are good. You need to leave the midwest. It's not working for you. Your DH wants you gone and you want you gone. So turn all your energies to that. Make a list and break it up into the tiniest parts you can imagine. Start checking them off in 10 minute microbursts. The day is going to come when you will be able to leave and be on your own. You want to be ready when that happens. So....purge all unnecessary clutter/belongings, get all your finances in order. Do as much divorce research as you can online so you are ready. Find a pro bono divorce lawyer. Tell us where you live and we'll find you one. We'll find you a reddit group that advises people on low cost divorces. You can do this. But you need to eat an elephant one small bite at a time. Set some goals and let's start working toward them! You can do this! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.23.20, 01:01 AM Flag
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op- sorry to respond just now, was away. This is truly great advice. Thank you for all the details. I need to focus on this, on a list. It is so easy to get overwhelmed when trying to do so many things/worrying about many things at once. I could not find a pro bono lawyer here in KS ( near Kansas City) but had met w someone I had to pay a lot of money for a brief consultation. Who basically said that w prenup, I really could not expect anything... but I would like to speak to someone else. Will try to find someone. If you are still watching, thank you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.23.20, 01:52 AM Flag
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