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06.12.20, 17:34 PM General Topics
25 replies
what would you make of a couple where the DH postponed proposal, eventually proposed under ultimatum, then postponed the wedding, then eventually wed? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 06.12.20, 05:34 PM Flag
 

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The obvious. Sounds like trouble and won’t last. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.20, 05:35 PM Flag
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it's been 10+ years so apparently you're wrong! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.20, 05:35 PM Flag
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Are you writing about your marriage in the OP? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.20, 05:37 PM Flag
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no I am not. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.20, 05:38 PM Flag
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He sounds like a jerk. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.20, 05:35 PM Flag
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Why? He sounds like he's trying to make her happy but in his heart may not really love her. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.20, 06:58 PM Flag
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I know someone like this and they divorced a few years later. He admitted he was not in love so it was for the best. I think you can't give someone an ultimatum to propose. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.20, 05:35 PM Flag
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OP: that sounds like the most upstanding outcome. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.20, 05:38 PM Flag
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Why would you propose under ultimatum anyway? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.20, 05:40 PM Flag
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I know of 2 ultimatum scenario marriages and as far as I know they are solid. One woman didn't want to move in unless they were engaged, one was on again, off again and wanted a commitment. Both have kids now and together a long time. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.20, 05:41 PM Flag
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The moving in one sounds fine. She didn't say she was going to completely break it off with him if he didn't propose. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.20, 05:43 PM Flag
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same. 2.5 years in my then bf now husband still was saying "soon, soon". i told him either we move forward i move on. still together (6 years later) and about to have 3rd baby. some men just procrastinate. i spent 6 years with previous bf and swore i wouldnt waste that kind of time again for any man. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.20, 07:36 PM Flag
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Because men are stupid and need to be pushed, tbh. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.20, 05:43 PM Flag
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I did. Married 25 years this fall. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.20, 06:22 PM Flag
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I think almost all the married couples I know well enough to have insight into this had some element of significant pressure on the part of the woman. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.20, 05:51 PM Flag
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Same here. Men are cool w dating forever [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.20, 06:29 PM Flag
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DH was young [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.20, 05:53 PM Flag
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Of all of those things "proposing under ultimatum" is the biggest concern [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.20, 06:24 PM Flag
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Nervous [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.20, 06:27 PM Flag
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+1. It might work out, but then again it might not. And you can never say you weren't warned. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.20, 06:49 PM Flag
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It really depends. Could be a bad indicator that the DH is not fully into it enough to last through a long marriage with all of life's ups and downs. Or could be that the guy was didn't feel fully ready to be married but was crazy about the woman and eventually went against his nerves to make sure he locked her down and then they live happily ever after. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.20, 06:48 PM Flag
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my DH was close to this (did not actually postpone the wedding , did have a panic attack getting the license) -- in 1991. we're still together, 2 kids, committed. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.20, 08:32 PM Flag
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I would guess without knowing them, that the marriage has a lower chance of success. But my BFF and her DH broke up several times over the marriage issue and when they were broken up, she realized she was pregnant. They didn't get married right away- just right before the baby was born. She was full on pregnant at the wedding. 20 plus years later they re happily married. He always had trouble making decisions. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.20, 09:36 PM Flag
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Sounds like my AP. (Puts on flame resistant suit). He had to be prodded into marriage but he loves his wife but he also loves clinging to a bit of his single days. He was cheating before the proposal, stopped for a bit before the wedding and then picked back up after the birth of their first kid. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.20, 10:06 PM Flag
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I would say less chance of success, but I would also say who knows. At my age, I've seen plenty of couples where the DH was absolutely head over heels and obsessed before proposing, and 5 years in, completely lost all interest, had an affair, and coolly dumped his wife. You don't know. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.20, 10:47 PM Flag
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