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06.12.20, 15:08 PM General Topics
16 replies
Dd age 11 told me she is bisexual. I trust her instincts and am personally fine but am concerned about how her middle school peer group will react. She has already told a few people. I am hoping for help with resources (books, online, safe forums, etc) for dd to learn more and connect with others in a safe place. Her school isn’t large enough to have a lot of others who will understand - plus she is realizing this quite young - so I am asking her to not yet label herself with schoolmates. But she will need some places to find her group. Thanks so much. [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 06.12.20, 03:08 PM Flag
 

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General Topics 06.12.20, 03:11 PM Flag
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Where do you live? I feel like this would be a non-issue in my kids' peer groups in NYC. DC is 11 and while I haven't heard of any kid come out yet at that age, my kids (and most in our social circle) have been surrounded by out queer teachers, family, friends, classmates' parents, leaders, clergy, etc. and have been exposed to inclusive messaging from a young age. Not to mention what we see in the media (and on social media), for those who might not be in a "tolerant" (hate that word) environment - there is so much more positive representation than when we were kids. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.20, 03:16 PM Flag
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+1 NYC, DD already has 2 trans friends, age 11. DS is 14 and a friend just came out. We celebrate it, say That's Cool, the parents of these kids seem pretty cool too, and move on. I have other things to think about! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.20, 03:21 PM Flag
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^Didn't mean to not offer advice or a solution to your question - just putting it out there that it might not be as big of a deal among this generation as it was for us [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.20, 03:22 PM Flag
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+2 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.20, 03:26 PM Flag
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+1. Honestly, I think in my kids NYC MS peer group this would be considered the "cool" thing to do. I'd be accepting of course, but definitely skeptical about whether DC was just trying to show off their alternative-ness. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.20, 03:41 PM Flag
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yep - this - i just commented below about a friend's daughter where it seems like it's this, because mathematically seems unlikely that every single girl in that class will grow up to identify as bi (though, I guess, argument to be made that we all are to some degree?) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.20, 03:43 PM Flag
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OP we are in a small, conservative town. Lots of gossip and cliques etc. we moved out of nyc and I agree it would be completely different there. Or even at a larger school... my big concern her is that she gets labeled to negative effect. So hoping for some safe outlets where she can explore for now. I feel like by high school people would understand more, but middle school is pretty young. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.20, 04:11 PM Flag
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yeah that sounds s**t. sorry. you should have said the point about it being a small conservative town in the post (this is UrbanBaby after all). Good luck. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.20, 04:18 PM Flag
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I would just talk to her. Ask her if she knows what that even means. If she says she likes girls and boys, say, "Ok. Cool. There's nothing wrong with that. Lots of people feel that way. Are you confused about anything? Is there anything you want to know?" Answer accordingly. Hint: Her questions probably won't be any different than any other 11 yr. old's infatuation questions. If there is something you can't answer, find out. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.20, 03:29 PM Flag
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OP she does understand and has felt this way for months. It is also consistent with girl crushes she has had for years. It’s who she is but I don’t think her peer group is ready to understand much less embrace this. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.20, 04:13 PM Flag
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A friend of mine told me recently that her 6th grader recently said the same to her, at age 11, and that she also told her that "all of her female friends" are bi. My friend's reaction was like "ok, i support you! have you had a crush on anyone yet?". nope. just something that all the girls at her school are saying, apparently, to reflect alignment with progressive values. could be a lot worse :) this is at east side middle. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.20, 03:42 PM Flag
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+1. 12yo DD was agonizing over what her sexual orientation was very much like when she desperately tries to dress very cool. It could be she is attracted to girls, but I have never ever heard of it and she has no filter at all. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.20, 03:52 PM Flag
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Well 11 is not to young to have feelings about sexuality, I would probably sit my child down and explain that sexuality is fluid. No one is 100% straight and no one is 100% gay. Further experience and experimentation will be needed and it's okay if your 11 year old thoughts don't match your 24 year old thoughts. I'm super free with sexuality but I think we force kids to label themselves WAY to early. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.20, 03:48 PM Flag
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Too, not to [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.20, 04:13 PM Flag
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I'm in CT burbs and last year, my 10 year old dd told me her friend at camp said she was bisexual. We talked about but it wasn't a big deal to her. I don't think kids these days are as shocked by that kind of stuff [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.20, 04:25 PM Flag
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