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06.08.20, 19:45 PM General Topics
14 replies
Spin-off: if you're more successful than your husband, does it bother you/him? How do you handle it? Or do you feel like you are able to look past traditional gender roles? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 06.08.20, 07:45 PM Flag
 

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Do you mean professionally successful? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.08.20, 07:52 PM Flag
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Yes [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.08.20, 07:58 PM Flag
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I achieved a high degree of success in my field then quit to have kids. DH is also successful. Neither one of us would like it if I were working and he stayed home. I guess we're traditional that way. But if we both worked, we wouldn't care who made more. In our circle of friends, about 50% of the women work and all of them wish they didn't have to or that their DH's made more. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.08.20, 08:04 PM Flag
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Surprising to me. In my friend groups, everyone is either SAHM or is working at careers they find fulfilling, although not always easy. But I can't remember anyone ever expressing that they wished their DH made more. And generally speaking, friends and their DH's are similarly successful. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.08.20, 08:07 PM Flag
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I bet he would actually like to stay home while you went to work. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.08.20, 08:21 PM Flag
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What makes you think my husband is a liar? We discussed before getting serious. Besides, at this point, he can do whatever he wants. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.08.20, 08:27 PM Flag
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In what way are you more successful? I ask because, part of the question is around how you judge success. I have pretty much always made more than my DH (though not a multiple of his income), except when I was a SAHM and he was the sole breadwinner but is in many ways the steadier hand and has charted a very strong career in which he is held in high regard by his colleagues and valued by his company and holds the senior-most job in his subspecialty. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.08.20, 08:05 PM Flag
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it sort of bothers me - not so much that I'm more successful but also that i work a lot harder to be so. I feel like I never get to feel 'taken care of' and i miss that, right or wrong. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.08.20, 09:01 PM Flag
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When I met DH I significantly out earned him and that was 15 years ago. We decided that he’d be a full time parent and it’s working fine. Though there are times when I wish he had more going on socially as I need space when I finish work and he always wants to chat [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.08.20, 10:50 PM Flag
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It doesn't bother me. I don't think it bothers him in a major way. We actually met at work so he knew what he was getting into, lol. He is a wonderful primary parent and has expressed gratitude for the fact that my hard work enables him to work P/T or even not at all. He is currently a SAHD and it's been great for both of us and the kids. I love him so much and am happy to support him. He has expressed a desire to work at least P/T after the kids are in school and I appreciate that. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.08.20, 11:10 PM Flag
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I guess? I mean, I wouldn't have been successful without DH's help. DH wants to be sahd now, we've got 2 under 3. We're thrilled with the situation, mostly. Sometimes I feel guilt for not helping out enough etc but kids adore DH so no guilt re: childcare. We've never been traditional in any sense, so trad gender roles are the furthest thing from our minds. Also, we were friends before dating, and when we started dating I made it clear I wanted a big career with a supportive dh, and he agreed that he'd be happy in that role. He is also extremely intelligent, hard-working, etc so he could've had huge career success if he wanted, he just chose to be there for us instead. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.08.20, 11:17 PM Flag
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oh the "i guess" refers to being more successful than him, I'm not bothered by it. How do you define success? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.08.20, 11:22 PM Flag
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Depends on the definition of success. I make several times more than DH makes and have a decent amount of recognition in my field, but he built a business from nothing, with a parent who actively tried to convince him not to do it, and now employs a decent number of people, so I think you could say we are even or he is maybe a little ahead. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.09.20, 01:58 AM Flag
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There were a few years I made more, and I truly hated it. Way too much pressure and I never wanted that. Roles reversed and have a more traditional home now. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.09.20, 03:05 AM Flag
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