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06.08.20, 18:34 PM General Topics
9 replies
Therapist moms please help: I feel terrible. I have a longterm therapist that has helped me through childhood trauma. We never really talked about my love life or sex life - it always seemed like there was other work to do and when I brought it up I got the sense that she felt those issues were trivial to my overcoming trauma. Recently I had a spectacular breakup with a boyfriend that was utterly painful and he humiliated me in a way no one has. So I called a friend's couples' therapist and am seeing her weekly and she is helping me in a way the other therapist could not. I did not tell longtime therapist and with the new therapist I lied and said my old therapist was not available and gave an excuse. I am not a liar in therapy. I am very good at being real. What am I doing? Can someone tell me how to come clean or if I need to? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 06.08.20, 06:34 PM Flag
 

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General Topics 06.08.20, 06:42 PM Flag
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Please don’t start therapy with a lie. That’s actually part of what you are in therapy for. Signed - therapist. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.08.20, 06:44 PM Flag
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I know. I feel shameful about it. But I was panicked because the breakup was a nuclear bomb and longtime therapist had no idea how to handle it. This new one does. What do I do now? The guilt is killing me. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.08.20, 06:48 PM Flag
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rip off the band-aid and start a new session with new therapist by saying you want to come clean on how you started with them. It will be no big deal, and you will feel like a ton is off your shoulders. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.08.20, 08:18 PM Flag
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OK thank you [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.08.20, 09:49 PM Flag
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I am a therapist too and this is some BS. You don't expect a client to come in and immediate tell you everything and your most difficult things. It takes time to build trust and relationships. This is a very small white lie and it is not worth the guilt you are feeling- which I would guess is more related to the difficulty you had in leaving your long term therapist. You can tell her next time you meet with her. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.08.20, 11:23 PM Flag
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thank you [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.09.20, 02:32 AM Flag
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It is easy to solve this. People grow and change and it is normal to feel like you want a change. I would tell the first therapist that you are taking a break and the second one that you are looking for a therapist who can help you with relationships and that you felt your long term therapist had helped you with trauma [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.08.20, 11:20 PM Flag
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I'm not a therapist but I have been a patient. It occurs to me that you are deeply afraid of sharing your whole self with anyone and the vulnerability that entails. So you shared a part of your life (your childhood trauma) with therapist 1 but held back about your current romantic life. And you projected it as being her fault for being disinterested. Now those relationship issues are coming to a head and you need to get it out but since you can't share it with therapist 1, you found therapist 2. Except now you don't want to share other things about you and your past with therapist 2 because again that's too much for you to share with one person and this time you're blaming it on the awkwardness of switching therapists and the white lie you told but it's really just an excuse. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.09.20, 05:30 AM Flag
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