UrbanBaby

06.07.20, 14:42 PM General Topics
16 replies

Talk to me about shared custody? Is it hell or exhilarating freedom or both? It looks like we're heading toward 50/50 custody as part of this divorce. STBX-DH is a lousy deadbeat human being but the kids seem to love him and want to spend time with him. It's really hard for me to process not seeing them every day but I have to get out of the marriage. Anyone been here and done this? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 06.07.20, 02:42 PM Flag

Dear UrbanBaby community,

Thank you so much for being a valued member of the UrbanBaby community. We wanted to inform you that we are shutting down the site on July 6th. We are grateful for your participation and support that has helped make UrbanBaby such an important resource to parents for many years.

If you have any questions or concerns, you can email us at urbanbaby-support@cbsinteractive.com.

Thanks so much,

UrbanBaby Support

Watching. Haven’t left H b/c can’t imagine not seeing my child. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.07.20, 03:19 PM Flag

I have dcs 80% of the time and it is exhausting. Divorced 4 years. Dcs do not like going back and forth, but have gotten used to it. I recommend staying together, if possible. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.07.20, 04:41 PM Flag

I have 50-50 custody and it's not easy. Pre-quarantine I would schedule all my work trips and dinners when I didn't have the 3 dc. That really helped. Now it's tough because there's nothing going on. My dc are 8, 10, 12 [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.07.20, 04:53 PM Flag

Life has been great since the split. We had 60/40 on paper but the kids (teens) change it based on homework needs, afterschool schedule & his ability. Ex was a fairly deadbeat dad while married too. Ex was afraid of losing the kids in the beginning and wanted more time which didn't happen. Since the beginning I encouraged the kids to spend time with him, and sometimes either give him the major holidays or split it with him depending on occasion (i.e. his family Thanksgiving reunion, or I had the kids abroad for big summer trip). Ergo, he's not insecure about losing kids and doesn't demand time. We split when the kids were entering middle school and I didn't bother hashing out custody too much with him because I knew this would happen. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.07.20, 05:55 PM Flag

(cont) Joint custody is more like 80/20 in practice, maybe even 90/20. One kids hates sleeping over there because of the filth. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.07.20, 07:35 PM Flag

OP: Wow. This blows my mind. I hope I can find peace like you have [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.08.20, 01:36 AM Flag

This is going to be shocking, and I wouldn't categorize my husband as a deadbeat, but I left the family home seven weeks ago. My dc are 13 and 15. DH is now doing what I did. He has 100% custody. I'm writing, learning, and growing instead of raging inside. DC are in good hands. And DH and I aren't divorcing now. We date once a week. This is my midlife crisis. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.07.20, 05:56 PM Flag

You’re not seeing your kids at all? Seems like they’d feel abandoned by you. Glad you’re growing but [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.07.20, 06:02 PM Flag

I'm sorry you were raging inside but you are an adult and need to find other ways to cope without abandoning your children. There is no way this doesn't impact on their development. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.07.20, 11:27 PM Flag

They're 13 and 15, how is this different than sleepaway camp [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.08.20, 01:01 AM Flag

I'm not trying to hate on your midlife crisis. Sounds like there was a lot going on on there and you must need this. But in general I think people over-parent and that's the biggest problem. I was exhausted too when dcs were small but by age 9 or so, I just started ignoring the hell out of them. I work, I read, I walk with friends, I watch my own TV. I make sure there's lots of home-cooked food for dcs and we eat dinner together every night, I go to all the games, I take them shopping, I chauffer them to friend's houses and activities, we talk every day. But for the most part they do their own thing and I do mine and I'm not feeling burnt out but they know I'm here. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.07.20, 06:38 PM Flag

+1. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.07.20, 11:07 PM Flag

This is good advice [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.08.20, 10:58 AM Flag

We’re 60/40 for 12 years now and I’ve always hated it. XH is a total ahole and deadbeat. So many problems over the years. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.08.20, 02:53 AM Flag

OP: I'm so sorry to hear this. Can you tell me examples? Like he doesn't take them when he should, or stuff goes missing, or ...? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.08.20, 10:57 AM Flag

^ Does your XH have a live in girlfriend? Now that your kids are teens are they still sticking to the 60/40? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.08.20, 10:58 AM Flag