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06.03.20, 17:49 PM General Topics
20 replies
WWYD? Picked out a few personal items for DH niece and nephew respective college and HS graduations and now writing the checks. Have done high school based on past amount, but how much should we do for college? TIA. [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 06.03.20, 05:49 PM Flag
 

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I would do $500-1000 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.20, 05:58 PM Flag
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do you mind sharing your HHI (as this will blow DH's mind)? Also, would you still do it if you know that there is no way the SIL/BIL will be able to do same for your DCs (as in will they feel pressure to reciprocate when they can't afford if we do that)? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.20, 06:15 PM Flag
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Of course you should do what you feel comfortable doing. If $100-200 makes more sense then that’s what you should do. It’s a little silly asking on UB when HHI varies so much. If you want to lessen the pressure later on for your SIL/BIL then do less. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.20, 06:24 PM Flag
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I know it is a little silly, but seeing the range is very helpful. DH and I grew up in very different backgrounds. I came from less and tend to be more generous. Vice versa for him. He sometimes listens to UB feedback LOL [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.20, 06:26 PM Flag
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What’s your hhi? That would help [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.20, 06:31 PM Flag
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450K [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.20, 07:31 PM Flag
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It’s interesting that those that came from less sometimes are more generous bc they know what it’s like to not have much so the money would go far vs the ones who came from more find it weird to be giving money. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.20, 07:00 PM Flag
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If you think it will cause issues, just give $200-$500. $1000 for a college graduation is really quite high. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.20, 06:28 PM Flag
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Np. I would prob do $1000. We still have 2 years till niece that age. Hhi $300. I know my niece need it [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.20, 06:29 PM Flag
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And I would expect $0 for my kids since their hhi is half ours [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.20, 06:30 PM Flag
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Oh should clarify. - I would do this for highschool graduation to help pay college / get stuff for dorm. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.20, 06:33 PM Flag
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I would do $150 for HS and $500 for college. I would never give a gift trying to guess what someone is going to think about it or how they will respond to it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.20, 06:33 PM Flag
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I hear ya. DK how you grew up, but I know the pressure my parents felt as they were the least well off between the two different families - well tied in one and the other sibling hated my father and the other sister for being born, so there were never any gifts from her. I normally do not consider but this is family and we hope to be entwined till our last days. The relationship has not always been a good one and the SIL made comments about generous gifts we made nearl 2 years ago. P.S. I was only asking for college as we have precedent for the HS. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.20, 07:30 PM Flag
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I understand, but it's a slippery slope that no one can accurately account for. I had a friend tell me to stop buying her gifts because she couldn't afford to reciprocate and she felt bad. I understood, but I felt bad not being able to celebrate her events. I couldn't even take her out for a drink because she felt bad about not reciprocating on my birthday. DH's family must write down every gift ever given to them so they can exactly match it. However, there isn't always an exact match (e.g., 10 years have passed or that person has 4 kids vs. 1, etc.) So, there are ALWAYS hurt feelings and someone being offended. You can't win, so don't play the game. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.20, 08:20 PM Flag
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The numbers given thus far are insane. I would give $50 - 100. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.20, 07:28 PM Flag
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^^^HHI $380K in Jersey City for reference. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.20, 07:28 PM Flag
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haha, same. But I grew up poor, and I actually don't think I got any gifts for anything. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.20, 08:18 PM Flag
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In your situation, I would do $100-250. We have 1mm HHI and don't plan on giving anything (to either side), other than a card or email. I'm Chinese-American and DH is a WASP. It wasn't customary for my family to give $ for milestones, my parents would do a hefty contribution to help siblings buy a house or whatever. In DH's family (MC-UMC), they do cards/emails, no cash for any milestones. With our siblings (who have younger kids), we've contributed to downpayments (DH's sister asked and we matched that amount for all other siblings). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.20, 08:30 PM Flag
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^^ our nieces and nephews are younger than ours, and our plan is to not give gifts for milestones but give $ to our siblings when their kids go off to college to help with tuition. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.20, 08:30 PM Flag
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I give $100 for HS and $150 for college [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.20, 10:29 PM Flag
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