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06.03.20, 10:41 AM General Topics
18 replies
Looking for advice: 12 yo daughter gets upset whenever I try to help or instruct her on hygiene issues. She is clean, but her hair is too long, greasy at roots , dry and frizzy at the ends, she has acne, which we are treating with derm, but she gets so upset when I remind her to apply cream or ask if she wants me to do a facial. I am worried about her self esteem. Right now we aren’t interacting with anyone, so I’ve let it slide, but I worry that she might be bullied once she is back around kids. [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 06.03.20, 10:41 AM Flag
 

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My dd is the same. She does not care and gets upset if I mention anything. I wish I had advice but I don’t. She does not get teased. She has a great group of friends and has had no social issues at all She is 13. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.20, 11:03 AM Flag
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This is us! My 11 yo...it's a fight to get her to wash her hair. She totally lies and I have to smell her head to make sure she washed it. Getting her to out on deodorant...oh lord. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.20, 11:25 AM Flag
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totally normal for 11 yr. we had same , they grow out of it. its just not important to them. if their friends say something then they listen - i pointed that out and just kept reminder to shower, put on deodorant [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.20, 12:05 PM Flag
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are you worried that she already has low self-esteem, or that she will develop it? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.20, 11:39 AM Flag
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Both. She is confident in intellectual abilities. But I worry that her lack of caring about her appearance is just a mask bc she feels bad about it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.20, 01:06 PM Flag
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She’s 12 and probably not that interested in impressing anyone. Is she were a boy would you care? As long as she showers and brushes her teeth I’d let it slide. She will change her tune in a year or two. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.20, 01:43 PM Flag
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or maybe she actually doesn't care. your standards are not necessarily her standards. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.20, 02:28 PM Flag
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My 13 yo dd is the same. She doesn't give an f about how she looks and I think it is awesome! I used to question the outfits she throw together but she says no one says a word. She has zero insecurities about her looks and I think that's incredibly healthy. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.20, 12:25 PM Flag
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You sound like my mom. Every time she would remind me to wash my hair, I would hear “your hair is greasy and disgusting”. You mean well but every reminder from you sounds like a critique of her appearance from her perspective and it hurts her. Btdt. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.20, 12:41 PM Flag
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I know. I feel like a bad stereotype. Because we are in quarantine, I ignore it as much as possible. Any advice? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.20, 01:08 PM Flag
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Lay off on her. If it starts becoming an issue socially for her, you can be sure she will be religiously applying that acne cream. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.20, 01:35 PM Flag
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She might like some cool bath & hair products. Currently I’m obsessed with Lush, they have these cool bath bombs and Shampoo bars. Honestly I’m normally a shower, blow dry my hair every day person and I’ve become greaseball during quarantine and these silly bath bombs are the only reason I look forward to getting clean, the only problem is DH keeps stealing them. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.20, 01:47 PM Flag
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Some of your criticisms are more appearance-based than hygiene-based. Dry hair? Frizzy hair? Hair too long? That's not hygiene. So basically she hears you harping about her appearance (that it's not up to par for you) and that's going to be more of a hit to her self-esteem than teasing from kids. I think you are overly worried about bullying from kids; these issues are not unusual for kids. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.20, 01:11 PM Flag
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I agree. I mentioned my 13 year old above and I try to get her to shower and brush her teeth. Beyond that, I live her alone. She does not have self esteem issues. In fact, mil said to her that she is getting older and should start spending more time on her looks and she said "you are sexist because you never say that to my brother." She has plenty of confidence. I think the kids worried about looks can be a confidence issue. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.20, 02:14 PM Flag
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This! If she smells, then by all means ask her wear deodorant. Otherwise, leave her alone. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.20, 02:15 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.20, 03:38 PM Flag
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I find that role modeling helps. I started doing yogurt/honey masks together with my dd every Sunday morning. You can do "hair masks". Also, if her hair is long, tell her not to apply conditioner to the hair roots, only to the lower half of the hair. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.20, 08:38 PM Flag
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let it go - it's the age. it's her body. she'll get older and handle this on her own in her own way. over the years, my dd has bought her own face masks and gotten her own acne products. she even recently started doing YouTube exercise videos. at 12, my dd was still kind of a tomboy. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.20, 12:23 AM Flag
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