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06.02.20, 13:38 PM General Topics
89 replies
I've been paying our cleaner since March. She asked me to buy her plane ticket home today because she can't afford to continue living in NYC area. I paid her weekly thinking she would return. I paid her weekly plus extra when asked. I said no to the plane ticket and she said her mother is dying and I need to pay her ticket or I'm pretry much an aeful person. What would you do? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 06.02.20, 01:38 PM Flag
 

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I would buy the plane ticket. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 01:39 PM Flag
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this [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 08:33 PM Flag
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I would say no, you have been paying an employee, you are not responsible for her entire life. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 01:42 PM Flag
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This....wtf. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 04:05 PM Flag
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Correct. Also, doesn't she have other clients Che can go get money from? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.20, 11:17 AM Flag
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That’s awful on her part. I would not pay it. You didn’t even have to pay her for the weeks she didn’t work, now she expects more? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 01:44 PM Flag
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And this is a one way ticket. She won't be returning. I'm not a bank to her. Our nanny and cleaner we've paid and I'm just done with it. PLUS, we're away until the fall if schools open. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 01:47 PM Flag
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Certainly if she is not returning, there is no way she can reasonably expect you to pay for a plane ticket. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 01:56 PM Flag
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are you OP? So have you paid till now? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 03:20 PM Flag
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I think it depends on your relationship with her. Has she been a good employee for a long time? Or do you barely know her and she has only worked for you for a short while? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 01:48 PM Flag
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Even if it were a great relationship, why does she feel entitled to a plane ticket from her employer? Or anyone? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 01:51 PM Flag
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She has worked for us for 7 years. I have paid her well along with many, many extras. Many. The plane ticket is over the top to me. Plus, it's one way. Had I known she was leaving I wouldn't have paid her for 3 months. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 01:56 PM Flag
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You did right by her and owe her nothing more. Just wish her well. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 02:01 PM Flag
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no [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 01:53 PM Flag
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If you like her and she's leaving for good and you can afford it, just buy it for her and wish her well. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 01:54 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 10:56 PM Flag
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np- I wouldn't like her after the last exchange per the op. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.20, 11:18 AM Flag
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I guess if I had the money and had had a good relationship with her, I would do it. If you don't have the money, you're not an awful person. GL OP. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 01:54 PM Flag
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Any goodwill that existed between OP and the cleaner was destroyed when the cleaner attacked OP for not paying for a ticket that she should have been saving up for when she was not working and still getting paid. Even if OP could afford it, it is reasonable for this to rub OP the wrong way. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.20, 04:14 AM Flag
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Plane tickets are reasonable right now. Am guessing 2 of the 10 weeks you already paid her for would cover the cost [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 01:55 PM Flag
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She said 750 to her country [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 02:06 PM Flag
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Are you sure there are even flights going? Easy to check though [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 02:15 PM Flag
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np- this. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.20, 11:18 AM Flag
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That would be hard no for me. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 02:02 PM Flag
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OP: I just paid her rent on Friday. Now she wants 750 for a plane ticket. I'm going to say no. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 02:05 PM Flag
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that is insane. Say no, I paid you when not working - she is an adult [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 02:06 PM Flag
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You keep adding things you've paid for. Starting to smell fake, but either way just don't do it if you don't want to. What's the big deal? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 02:07 PM Flag
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+1. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 02:17 PM Flag
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OP: exactly. I have paid for things again and again. I have increased her pay 2x in the same year, I have given her "loans" that are never repaid and have paid her rent for the past 2 months. I have hit my limit on the plane ticket. And let her know. Haven't heard back yet [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 02:38 PM Flag
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sounds like this person has taken advantage of you [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 02:50 PM Flag
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Sounds like you are kind of a chump. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 03:39 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.20, 07:04 AM Flag
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She figured you have lot of gold and it’s not her then someone else will take advantage of her. Not only I will say no I will also ask her to return payment for last time if she is not returning. Stated you assumed extra s it’s to cover for the time and paid in advance. That’s why I paid mine only 50% as retainer and told she can get rest upon after return in installments if she keeps up good work. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 05:08 PM Flag
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The rent was not mentioned earlier... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 10:56 PM Flag
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wait what? you have been paying her fee for the last 3 months (which is the right thing to do, she could not work thru no fault of her own). and her rent too?? and now she wants a plane ticket?? that is too much. you are not a bank or charity. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 03:17 PM Flag
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I dont believe you unless she has compromising info about you lol [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 04:48 PM Flag
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This. Fake post. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 05:16 PM Flag
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Where is she from that it costs $750 one way loo [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 04:48 PM Flag
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Say no! That is insane and would definitely piss me off. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.20, 04:15 AM Flag
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She has totally abused you. This is hard no! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 02:06 PM Flag
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Thank you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 02:07 PM Flag
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This is how it ends with every single nanny or sitter we have had: You have the money, give it to me. I'm paying above market rate for the job, a job that requires 3 hours a day of your time. If you can't give me those hours, at this rate, you are free to refuse the job. That's it. I'm not here to be flexible for your schedule, I'm not here to bankroll your impromptu life emergencies. I am not here, I have now decided, to pay you full price for a job you aren't even reporting to, so if you can't accept a reduction for the time being, we are effectively done. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 02:07 PM Flag
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and yes I realize this sounds cruel. But consider we also have been royally screwed over. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 02:08 PM Flag
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ITA [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 05:24 PM Flag
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Wow- this has never happened to me- I didn't realize how lucky I was. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 02:19 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 03:46 PM Flag
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This. I’m going through this exact same thing now with our long-term nanny who is asking for a huge increase (50% more) to come work for us in our second home that is an hour and a half away. She refuses to isolate with us and wants us to drive her back and forth every week even though she owns a car, and she says she can only work Wed-Sat all of a sudden. I don’t even need her on weekends, but she is telling us “I need the money badly and cannot work other days”!?! I feel taken advantage of. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.20, 04:05 AM Flag
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I think you should mention that you feel she is trying to take advantage of you. I'm very sorry you have to deal with this. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 02:08 PM Flag
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this x1,000. BTW we had a nanny we paid for such emergencies and she ended up suing us in the end... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 02:10 PM Flag
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Because when you are so generous they feel you have a lot extra to share with everyone. Guilt level goes down and resentment builds up. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 05:11 PM Flag
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I've been paying our housekeeper since March as well. If she asked for a one-way ticket to see her dying mother, I would pay it because she has worked for us for years and we have a very trusting relationship. That being said, if she were someone else, I wouldn't feel bad saying no. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 02:11 PM Flag
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+1. OP, I'm really sorry you are dealing with this. I would feel extremely frustrated. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 02:21 PM Flag
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First text was plane ticket. 2nd text was dying mother. Always something [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 02:39 PM Flag
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she's lying [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 03:06 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 03:47 PM Flag
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OP: thank you for responding. I really appreciate it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 02:11 PM Flag
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Omg just reading this post made me angry. Absolutely no. I have been out of work since covid. My business may never reopen. Nobody continued to pay me and I would NEVER ask for something like this. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 02:53 PM Flag
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You’ve done a lot for her already. If she didn’t guilt trip you then I might have but it’s awful what she wrote to you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 02:53 PM Flag
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not OP but - our sitter also tried to guilt trip us and that's when I decided to fire her. DH was straight up with her that we were facing major salary cuts. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 06:23 PM Flag
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Just awful. I think all of you who continued to pay them went above and beyond. I can’t believe some of these people had the nerve to guilt trip you and demand any money. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.20, 05:09 AM Flag
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Of course you say no. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 02:59 PM Flag
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of course you have no obligation and you are not a terrible person. But if you want to do it as an act of charity you get bonus points. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 03:10 PM Flag
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Not for someone who is trying to emotionally blackmail you for calling you awful for what you have already done. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 05:13 PM Flag
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We just ran across a similar situation, say no, remind her that you have paid her wages even though she has not worked for 3 months and you paid her rent, that you cannot give her more money and that you are terribly sorry her mother is dying, but that you will not be giving her the money and that you are also looking for a new house cleaner. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 03:13 PM Flag
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how much were you paying her per week?If you were going to keep paying her (and her rent!) I would give her the plane ticket to be done with her completely. But would be outraged. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 03:17 PM Flag
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Poster below: I completely disagree. What gives you the impression that "giving her the plane ticket" ends this? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 03:38 PM Flag
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This is insane. INSANE! Why is her ability to afford living in the NYC area your fault? And why on earth has she come to believe it's your fault? She's your cleaner. I'm impressed you paid her weekly, never mind "extra when asked" !? If my cleaner told me I "need" to do anything, she'd be met with permanent radio silence. What you need to do is not utter another single word. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 03:37 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 05:14 PM Flag
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We support you! You are absolutely correct in saying “no.” [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 04:14 PM Flag
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You sound like you have guilt over employing household help. You need to get a grip and some boundaries. Signed, mom who has had the same housekeeper for 11 years and the same nanny for 9. Boundaries. Kindness. Boundaries. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 04:32 PM Flag
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Are you paying her under the table? Are you payroll taxes and deducting unemployment? If not don’t try to be morally superior now. She would have gotten unemployment plus 600 if she was being paid legally [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 04:46 PM Flag
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It’s not being morally superior. It’s about dealing with someone who is gaslighting you. It’s one thing to ask for money and it’s another to tell her she is awful person if she doesn’t pay. No, it’s not op who is awful it’s cleaner who is trying to emotionally blackmail her. In a case op didn’t pay unemployment taxes then cleaner also didn’t pay taxes on her earnings. This goes both ways. No one should try to guilt trip someone else for their personal advantage. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 05:19 PM Flag
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np. Op would not have to keep paying if her cleaner could file for unemployment. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 06:34 PM Flag
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That’s why I think she didn’t pay by books. Still cleaner should NOT be allowed to emotionally blackmail her. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 07:11 PM Flag
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Is she full time? If so, she could have saved up her own money by now. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 04:47 PM Flag
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wow, that is terrible. You did the right thing by paying her up till now, but she is just being manipulative now. I would not give her more. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 04:56 PM Flag
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No. I wouldn’t be paying [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 08:00 PM Flag
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She is probably my getting money from all of her employers [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.20, 08:01 PM Flag
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NP: Can you afford to be kind and generous? Then do so. The world could use some kindness and generosity today. Let it be a gift. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.20, 03:31 AM Flag
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That would be lovely. Of course you don't have to do anything for her, but you can change her life for the better. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.20, 03:51 AM Flag
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I really don't like this response. It's often the blanket response. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.20, 11:21 AM Flag
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You should not have to pay for her inability to save. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.20, 04:21 AM Flag
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Forget principals right now. How much is your guilt worth? If you're going to feel twinges of guilt for years and years, maybe parting with $750 and being the bigger person in this will be entirely worth it. She isn't coming back. If you can afford $750, I'd do it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.20, 04:59 AM Flag
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don't be guilty op. this is ridiculous. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.20, 11:21 AM Flag
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Absolutely not in this situation. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.20, 12:25 PM Flag
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I don't think it is a matter of guilt. We're all talking about income inequality, the financial struggles of the pandemic...here's a direct way to make a difference...so just do it, and be grateful that you are in the position to do so. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.20, 03:04 PM Flag
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just say no to manipulation [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.20, 07:05 AM Flag
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What race is she? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.20, 04:09 PM Flag
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She is taking advantage of you and I would not buy the plane ticket. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.20, 05:16 PM Flag
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