< Return to Talk
10.30.15, 22:08 PM General Topics
263 replies
I will vent here, as I cannot say anything negative about this in real life. I am an MD at an academic institution. I recently learned that one of our female residents is pregnant again. She has a young dc, who she had also during her residency. This is her last year, and she will have the baby soon before she is supposed to graduate. her dh is also a physician, and they are both young. I am pissed, because: 1- why can't they have some better impulse control and have better planning, and 2- she waited until she is almost 4 month pregnant to tell us, and now everyone's schedule is scrambled. Besides, we may need to find some additional money to pay her salary if she cannot graduate on time [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 10.30.15, 10:08 PM Flag
 

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I don't get residents having babies at all. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 10:10 PM Flag
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Since when is timing your children about finding it when it would be best for your colleagues? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 10:10 PM Flag
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This. What a bizarre post. And people wonder why young women don't want to work for other women. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 10:11 PM Flag
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This. Scary post. -med student [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 11:56 PM Flag
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I am sorry but you have no idea what is in store for you. Pregnancy is the least of it. Med school is like vacation compared to internship and residency.-MD mom [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 03:54 PM Flag
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Maybe. But this post scares me for several reasons. It reads like you have lost perspective. Look at it from the resident point of view. You think she really cares that this might put you out a few thousand dollars and give you a headache because you need to rearrange schedules? Really?? You think that's what she cares about when deciding whether or not To have a child? That's like saying...I don't want to have a kid right now because all the crying might annoy my next door neighbors. It just doesn't compute. Yes residency is important, but many would argue that family comes first. Residency is just a job. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 07:29 PM Flag
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^^btw, I want to do surgery which means I will definitely not have kids in residency, so I see both sides of this...but look at it from this residents point of view [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 07:32 PM Flag
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Your colleagues will hate you for dumping your work on them. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 10:09 PM Flag
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Because I am a woman, I must make unusual efforts to succeed. If I fail, no one will say, "She doesn't have what it takes." They will say, "Women don't have what it takes." [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 05:42 AM Flag
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Maybe if there were just one of you, but not in this circumstance. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 12:58 PM Flag
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OP: but why make it so hard on yourself? Two under two in residency? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 10:12 PM Flag
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It's her choice. Stay in your lane. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 10:14 PM Flag
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Lol. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 11:14 PM Flag
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Everything about woman is a riddle, and everything about woman has a single solution: that is, pregnancy. ~Friedrich Nietzsche [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 05:51 AM Flag
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Love it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 06:02 AM Flag
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Lol [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 11:58 AM Flag
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Oh please. He also said “A real man wants two things: danger and play. Therefore he wants woman as the most dangerous plaything." The guy was a total misogynist. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 08:12 PM Flag
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OP: my problem with it is that she waited 4 month to tell program director she is pregnant, not that she hasn't consulted her co-workers when it would be best for them [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 10:14 PM Flag
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You have to be some kind of crazy troll. If you can't get things organized with 5 months' notice, the problem isn't her, it's you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 10:16 PM Flag
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OP: our schedule is set in June for the whole next year. Any MD moms on who know what I am talking about? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 10:17 PM Flag
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If someone died or dropped out, you'd manage. Everyone is fungible. Even you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 10:18 PM Flag
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Given how far along she is, she couldn't have told you in June anyway, so what's the problem? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 10:19 PM Flag
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OP: like I said: 1: I don't understand why they don't bother with birth control, 2: she may not be able to graduate on time [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 10:21 PM Flag
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None of which is your business or problem [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 10:24 PM Flag
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OP: I know, that's why I do not say anything in real life. I am, however, judging her [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 10:25 PM Flag
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Eh. Says more about you than her, and we are all on here judging you, so there's that... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 10:27 PM Flag
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OP: well, I was able to plan better. I had my kids after residency [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 10:28 PM Flag
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So? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 10:28 PM Flag
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OP: so when some women say they can't have it all, may be it's because they make poor choices and can't plan [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 10:30 PM Flag
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That plan worked for you. Doesn't mean it's the better plan. It's just different. And who says she's not having it all? Maybe she doesn't care if it takes her more time when weighed against siblings being close in age. You sound highly arrogant, which is not a compliment. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 10:41 PM Flag
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OP: Yes, I am arrogant; it comes with a territory: we are in a highly competitive surgical specialty. I am also very loyal to my partners and sensitive to other people's needs. i try to step up when something unexpected happens with my co-workers. This is different. This is obviously her choice, but it is a bad one. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 10:45 PM Flag
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Oh, please, honey. There's no excuse for being arrogant. I'm in a highly competitive field, too, doubt you have a better education than mine, make as much or more than specialized surgeons as a biglaw partner, and firmly believe there's no profession where arrogance "cones with the territory". Dh, who is in finance, would tell you the same, and that's a field known for its arrogance. Get over yourself. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 10:53 PM Flag
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^^and don't kid yourself: you're neither loyal nor sensitive to other people's needs. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 10:54 PM Flag
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OP: how do you know? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 10:54 PM Flag
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How do I know what? on the education front, I'm HYPx3 and know the median and average comp amounts for specialized surgeons. But I dint need all that to tell you there's no place or need for arrogance to be in a highly competitive field. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 11:02 PM Flag
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but in the end you don't rank compared to a surgeon, lol [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 12:06 PM Flag
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Only you think that. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 12:59 PM Flag
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Fact, sorry, finance peeps a dime a dozen. lol [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 07:23 PM Flag
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but in the end you don't rank compared to a surgeon, lol [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 12:07 PM Flag
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Finance? lol no one gives a shit or is ever impressed by your job. A surgeon, yes, admirable, and far more impressive. Sorry. lol [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 12:09 PM Flag
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you utterly and completely missed the point of identifying finance/biglaw occupations. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 11.01.15, 04:02 PM Flag
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utterly? lol [ Reply | More
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General Topics 11.02.15, 02:42 PM Flag
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[] it is unthinkable to allow complete strangers, whether individually or collectively as state legislators or others in government, to make such personal decisions for someone else. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 06:07 AM Flag
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Oh - I think you just proved here that you are neither loyal to her nor to her needs. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 05:21 PM Flag
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Bullshit. She is planning. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 10:48 PM Flag
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Because you're a bitch or an MRA troll. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 10:48 PM Flag
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There's no such thing as Mra [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 11:08 PM Flag
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I asked a Burmese why women, after centuries of following their men, now walk ahead. He said there were many unexploded land mines since the war. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 05:51 AM Flag
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Men aren't dumb. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 01:25 PM Flag
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Not ger problem. If men got pregnant and you were a man you would consider it standard practice. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 10:48 PM Flag
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We all fight over what the label 'feminism' means but for me it's about empowerment. It's not about being more powerful than men - it's about having equal rights with protection, support, justice. It's about very basic things. It's not a badge like a fashion item. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 05:53 AM Flag
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NP here, I replied below. The problem is that she is sticking her fellow residents with a lot of extra work that she will not be able to make up to them. Telling the program earlier and taking on extra call right away would have been the right thing to do. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 12:25 AM Flag
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OP: thank you [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 01:01 AM Flag
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That's always the case with pg. by this logic, women should never have children if they work. Your explanation is just a tremendous fail. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 01:00 PM Flag
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But she wasn't even pregnant in June. What do you expect from her? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 03:23 PM Flag
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Then your schedule is too inflexible. People die, people get seriously sick, people get in car accidents, people get pregnant. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 05:20 PM Flag
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Another MD mom here - residency schedules are set a year in advance and need to be coordinated between a variety of services through which residents rotate during their training. The only thing that is not scheduled far in advance is call - and that is where the pregnant resident screwed her colleagues over by not announcing her pregnancy earlier. Chances are, she will not be able to take call in the last trimester and her fellow residents will have to take on extra call or her. The honorable thing to do would be to take extra call early in the pregnancy, to even thing out. By not doing that, she is basically sticking her colleagues (who also have lives of their own) with a ton of extra work that she will never make up to them. That's a shitty thing to do, sorry. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 12:21 AM Flag
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So being both women and doctors, you would think you guys would understand that being "honorable" might not be a woman's priority in her first trimester? What with the fatigue and the nausea and vomiting and all? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 12:33 AM Flag
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I understand that I would resent the hell out of having less time to spend with my own kids. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 12:38 AM Flag
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You realize the problem with that statement, right? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 12:42 AM Flag
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No, I don't. I planned when to have my kids to avoid disruptions to my career. Why should I be forced to spend less time with them to accommodate someone else's desire to hitch a free ride on her colleagues' backs? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 12:54 AM Flag
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I am sure that despite your extreme superiority, your decision to have children inconvenienced many [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 01:26 AM Flag
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Of course! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 02:50 AM Flag
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[Feminism is] a socialist, anti-family, political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians. ~Pat Robertson [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 05:48 AM Flag
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I'm tough, I'm ambitious, and I know exactly what I want. If that makes me a bitch, okay. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 05:45 AM Flag
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There are very few jobs that actually require a penis or vagina. All other jobs should be open to everybody. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 05:46 AM Flag
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OP: finally, thank you for understanding [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 01:01 AM Flag
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Lots of people get this OP, most people IRL I think. But UB is the wrong place to try and vent- too many trolls who want to spin it out of context. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 03:57 AM Flag
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Another MD mom not even in a surgical specialty- No one got pregnant during my residency. Aside from the fact that it is exhausting the residents work together as a team and for one person to put their personal needs and dump work on everyone else would be extremely selfish. Everyone waited until after residency or got pregnant the very end of the last year. The schedules are set 1 year in advance and people even have their vacations planned and frequently paid for. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 03:07 PM Flag
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^Meaning they just got pregnant at the very end of the last year so they could finish the year without dumping on everyone else. Also, it would be crazy to have a newborn right before the boards. I don't think these responders understand the "team" concept of hospital medicine. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 03:13 PM Flag
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Please 4 months is not disabling. She has some time to do that now. You are ridiculous OP. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 11:24 AM Flag
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You are quibbling over 4 weeks, maybe 3.5. We didn't tell our parents until 12 weeks, never mind colleagues [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 10:16 PM Flag
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Exactly. Ahe probably waited until her amnio. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 10:49 PM Flag
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In my experience, when a woman's cruelty is combined with love and devotion, it is almost always without exception an act performed not out of treachery, but as a painful self-sacrifice for the good of her beloved, to obtain for him a future bounty where he would not know how to obtain it for himself, or have the courage, patience, or foresight to obtain it. Womankind always seems to be able to see a dozen steps into the future, far ahead of what men are able to see. And they have strength where we do not. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 06:09 AM Flag
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Wtf Yoda. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 12:00 PM Flag
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What difference does an extra month make? You still have 6 months to plan. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 10:17 PM Flag
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No, I don't. See above [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 10:17 PM Flag
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? You said you just found out she's 4 months pregnant. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 10:19 PM Flag
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Everyone's schedule is set, and she may not be able to graduate in time [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 10:22 PM Flag
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She wasn't even pg in june. ?? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 10:24 PM Flag
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Not your issue. Get a grip. Something else is going on here. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 10:50 PM Flag
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Baloney. You are self hating. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 10:49 PM Flag
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I find it strange that practicing law in a comfortable well-heated office is considered too demanding an occupation for women, yet laboring from dawn's first light in crowded, drafty, ill-lit sweatshops is not. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 06:10 AM Flag
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huh? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 03:14 PM Flag
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Can she be booted from the program and start again next year? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 12:31 PM Flag
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other MD mom-I think that would be worse because the residents are totally screwed then and the following year will have too many. Also there is federal funding that would not make this possible. Obviously if she got hit by a car or cancer the department could take a hit on her salary but to knowingly screw your co-workers is not cool. It is not like a regular finance job. You work, study and live very close together like a family. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 03:18 PM Flag
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Yikes. Oh well. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 09:01 PM Flag
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Not unreasonable to tell someone at 4 months; she was prob waiting for nuchal test. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 11:52 PM Flag
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Normal people don't get these fucking tests. She's not some granny mom. Wtf. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 09:01 PM Flag
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prenatal genetic tests are usually done at the 3-4 month mark. I waited to make sure all my tests were clear before I told another I was pregnant. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 04:15 AM Flag
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The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 05:44 AM Flag
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She shouldn't have to tell anyone until she is past the point where miscarriage is a considerable risk. Nobody should have to tell before they are at three months. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 05:19 PM Flag
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There was a girl in our residency class who had kids 15 months apart. No joke. So unfair. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 12:26 AM Flag
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OP: this is exactly what my resident is doing [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 01:02 AM Flag
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The emotional, sexual, and psychological stereotyping of females begins when the doctor says, “It’s a girl.” [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 05:50 AM Flag
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Mostly because women insist on falling right into that stereotype. Why did this woman even bother with med school? This I why I didn't care about the bitter wife of the OP whose mother had cancer. She just had kids anyway...nothing lost there. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 12:01 PM Flag
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Ewww. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 12:00 PM Flag
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Book smart but no common sense. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 10:28 PM Flag
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OP: exactly [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 10:28 PM Flag
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Why? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 10:46 PM Flag
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Why? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 10:46 PM Flag
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We see so many examples on here of med residents being dumb. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 10:32 PM Flag
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OP: thank you. Quite frankly, I think this is low class despite the fact that they are both physicians [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 10:35 PM Flag
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Do people conflate occupation and class? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 10:39 PM Flag
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You're a jerk. Sorry. You just are. You are anti woman. Men take care of each other. Women don't. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 10:52 PM Flag
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Well women do suck [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 11:03 PM Flag
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Men commit horrible crimes, are offen corrupt, socipathic, etc. Don't forget that. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 02:51 AM Flag
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As do women. As do humans. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 12:02 PM Flag
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Yes [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 11:57 PM Flag
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Word. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 11:58 PM Flag
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Low class? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 11:59 PM Flag
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Why is it dumb? Because it's hard? Sounds like you don't really know what dumb means. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 10:42 PM Flag
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Bc she might not be able to graduate. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 10:45 PM Flag
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OP: well, she will graduate eventually, but not before causing a lot of pain to herself and our program [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 10:47 PM Flag
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It's her choice as to herself, and the program will most assuredly manage. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 10:54 PM Flag
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I graduated late and caused no harm to myself or my program. You sound like a jealous shrew [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 10:56 PM Flag
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OP: why would I be jealous. I have my two kids [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 10:58 PM Flag
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Be you are a granny mom and she isnt [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 10:59 PM Flag
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OP: No, I am not. I had my kids before 38 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 11:02 PM Flag
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LOl [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 11:59 PM Flag
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There are plenty of women who could have had fertilith problems by mid 30s. This woman has the right to have kids. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 02:53 AM Flag
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Oh nonsense. We hear on UB that only wt fat flyover women have kids before 35. It's UB gospel. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 12:02 PM Flag
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Ub is all granny moms. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 11:09 PM Flag
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"A lot of pain?" You sound really dramatic. Wonder how you deal with patients, jesus [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 11:59 PM Flag
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You don't know what you're talking about. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 10:55 PM Flag
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Women shouldn't be doctors [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 11:10 PM Flag
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OP: you see: this is what people think. And this is after there are many many committed women doctors. One rotten apple spoils the the rest. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 11:16 PM Flag
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NP: Having children makes her a "bad apple"? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 11:38 PM Flag
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It makes her less interested in training to be a doctor. She can be a mom. Fine. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 02:10 AM Flag
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“...Obduracy can be overcome by determination. More insidious, and far harder to destroy, was women's internalizing of the notion that they were somehow inferior to men, a complementary species designed to 'complete, sweeten, and embellish the existence of others'. [Women] still chose to become nurses rather than doctors, secretaries rather than bosses: to be ill-paid facilitators for people no more talented nor, in many cases, better educated than themselves, but who simply happened to be men. The notion that they might be their bosses' equals penetrated only very slowly; the possibility that they might even be their superiors, though accepted in theory, has perhaps still not wholly sunk in.” [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 06:15 AM Flag
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You can't really protect women or men from their choices, so let them have their own lives and trust the process. Given the history of society's efforts to control women's sexuality and reproduction, this remained a revolutionary idea. No wonder it disturbed and frightened some people so deeply. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 06:11 AM Flag
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Just tell her you don't have money to pay for her so she'll have to do her residency without pay. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 10:38 PM Flag
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OP: well, we can't really do that, because then we become the bad guy. Besides, it's not only salary, it's malpractice insurance, license, parking, health insurance, etc [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 10:41 PM Flag
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That's life. Get over yourself. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 10:52 PM Flag
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THIS [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 11:59 PM Flag
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Is that legal? There's money somewhere. Guaranteed. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 10:41 PM Flag
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Men take care of themselves at the expense of others all the time! You gt that right?! All the damn time. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 10:46 PM Flag
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Men weren’t really the enemy - they were fellow victims suffering from an outmoded masculine mystique that made them feel unnecessarily inadequate when there were no bears to kill. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 05:49 AM Flag
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You are the epitome of why female physicians suck at helping other female physicians. She has every right to have a child and it was great planning on her part. If I could do it over I would have had my kids much earlier. I was 39 and having my third and petrified. I'm in PP with no benefits and I make 600k a year and have to income for 10 weeks when I take my leave and I'm not sure how I will make it happen. She has every right to have a kid and do what's best for her family. She probably didn't tell you until she got her amnio results by she didn't want to be judged by bitches like you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 10:48 PM Flag
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OP: I will not say anything to her or anybody, but be rest assured I am judging her,a s I am judging everyone who is preoccupied with their needs or wants at the expense of other people. Besides, she is punishing herself [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 10:51 PM Flag
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How is she punishing herself. You have no idea how much help she has at home. You sound jealous [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 10:53 PM Flag
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I know. She has no family around, and her now dc is in daycare [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 10:59 PM Flag
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Get your nose out of her business. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 02:55 AM Flag
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Ewww [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 12:03 PM Flag
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Wow. You have totally drunk the careerist, postmodern Kool-Aid. Of COURSE she should be putting her needs and wants over over people's. THIS IS ONE OF THE MOST FUNDAMENTAL DECISIONS SOMEONE MAKES IN LIFE -- procreation. It's WAY more important than the "convenience" of other people and finding money for "parking" and "insurance." My wife is a Dr., had a baby in residency, and we discuss with other doctors all the time how it was the best thing for a woman to do. Hell, I wish she had TWO when she was a resident. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 10:58 PM Flag
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OP: that's probably because you are very involved and have a more regular schedule. Her dh is a resident too, and not making any sacrifices [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 11:01 PM Flag
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Too bad lady. You suck. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 12:00 AM Flag
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No. If you want to prioritize your own wants and needs over others', DON'T BECOME A DOCTOR. Get into another profession in which no one is relying on you for anything urgent, and you are easily replaceable. Let your specialized education be put to use by someone who plans to be there for patients, as well as support their colleagues in their efforts to do the same. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 04:05 AM Flag
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His. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 09:02 PM Flag
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Anyone could see that this woman is living a nightmare. Except that she goes through her daily life wide awake, knowing that she could make a mistake at any moment. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 06:18 AM Flag
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LOL. She's a self absorbed idiot. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 09:02 PM Flag
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So it's Ok when men do it though. Admit it [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 12:00 AM Flag
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When female stories are muted, we are teaching our kids that their dignity is second class and the historical accounts of their lives are less relevant. This lowered value carries over when women face sexual objectification and systemic brutalization from inside and outside the community. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 06:19 AM Flag
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She is way under 35, so not sure she even got an amnio [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 10:54 PM Flag
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If she were smart she would have CVS at 10 weeks. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 03:22 PM Flag
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Oh, how will you live on $600k a year!?!? Ha [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 10:56 PM Flag
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I know it sounds horrible but I won't be making that much but already have set expenses. I will make it work, but I would have much preferred to have a baby in residency when making 50k vs now. I also didnt have to worry about AMA when I was a resident [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 11:01 PM Flag
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You didn't need 3. 2 is enough. Your own problem [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 11:11 PM Flag
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What the fuck [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 12:01 AM Flag
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What was unclear. 39 is too fucking to be squeezing in one more. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 12:04 PM Flag
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Meh. Normal women dont need amnios. U [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 11:12 PM Flag
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Agree. Women in power throw others under the bus. Men mentor other men. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 11:59 PM Flag
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I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is: I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 05:54 AM Flag
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Meh. Male doctors are 10x worse.-MD mom [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 03:55 PM Flag
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This is why you shouldn't hire women. Period. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 10:49 PM Flag
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OP: Well, I am sure now she spoiled it for other women: this is exactly what every man attending is going to think when we consider female candidates [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 10:52 PM Flag
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You sound like the crazy lady who said women should not go into medicine be most women chose to work part time. Maybe we shouldn't let women into medical school anymore unless they agree to have a Norplant placed which can be removed after residency? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 10:55 PM Flag
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OP: No. I said this is what every MAN is going to think. She spoiled it for other women coming after her. If she had handled this issue more responsibly, then she would show the men that you can be a mother and a great resident, not either/or [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 10:57 PM Flag
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You are a woman and are judging her. You are a horrible person and women in medicine deserve people to mentor them. I tell all my residents to get pregnant now. As a resident someone is always watching your back. If she has a good support structure this is none of anyone's business. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 11:02 PM Flag
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Just leave the men's work to the men, for chrissake!!!! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 11:04 PM Flag
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Just leave the men's work to the men, for chrissake!!!! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 11:04 PM Flag
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OP: yes, I am judging her exactly because our Program Director (a man) is going to think twice before ranking a woman candidate if he has a comparable man candidate to fill the job. We did not have women residents until I and other women faculty joined. Now we have 50-50. I do not want to see it turn back [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 11:07 PM Flag
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By asking women not to get pregnant because what the male boss will think? THAT is what will really turn it back! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 11:15 PM Flag
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OP: stop being obtuse. She is giving birth 2 months before she is supposed to graduate; was it that hard to wait to get pregnant two months later? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 11:18 PM Flag
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Oh please! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 12:06 AM Flag
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Word! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 02:57 AM Flag
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You sound jealous. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 11:17 PM Flag
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It's not turning back by men are not going into medicine as much. Why be it isn't lucrative anymore. In 50 years there will be few men in medicine be it won't pay the bills. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 11:20 PM Flag
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Doctors in Russia are mostly women and they get paid shit. One women enter a field it becomes the pink ghetto and it's decided that they don't deserve to get paid. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 12:08 AM Flag
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Np. I was born in Russia and didn't even consider entering medical. Doctors and teachers did not get paid for months when I was in school. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 12:36 AM Flag
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Yep. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 02:57 AM Flag
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same [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 04:36 AM Flag
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This. I wish I did though. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 10:17 PM Flag
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Every woman knows what I'm talking about. It’s the presumption that makes it hard, at times, for any woman in any field; that keeps women from speaking up and from being heard when they dare; that crushes young women into silence by indicating, the way harassment on the street does, that this is not their world. It trains us in self-doubt and self-limitation just as it exercises men’s unsupported overconfidence. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 06:21 AM Flag
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The test of whether or not you can hold a job should not be in the arrangement of your chromosomes. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 06:06 AM Flag
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Reproductive freedom is critical to a whole range of issues. If we can’t take charge of this most personal aspect of our lives, we can’t take care of anything. It should not be seen as a privilege or as a benefit, but a fundamental human right. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 06:05 AM Flag
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Men have always said this about women who dare to have children and a career. The world progresses because of women that don't make decisions based on fear of what some man somewhere might think. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 11:48 PM Flag
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Damn straight! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 12:09 AM Flag
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Zip it, kiddo. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 12:26 AM Flag
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Blindness separates people from things; deafness separates people from people. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 06:05 AM Flag
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Agree! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 11:04 PM Flag
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Right? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 02:56 AM Flag
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Women don't support other women. It must be some primal nonsense. Men support men and women support men. Rinse and repeat. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 12:04 AM Flag
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I do not think, sir, you have any right to command me, merely because you are older than I, or because you have seen more of the world than I have; your claim to superiority depends on the use you have made of your time and experience. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 06:03 AM Flag
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Sadly, this. I don't work for women and would never have a female doctor. They're not as committed or frankly as on point as men. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 11:13 PM Flag
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You are sick. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 11:25 PM Flag
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96% of all murderers are men. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 11:25 PM Flag
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Right? So many fucked up sexist women out there! There are so many more fucked up, evil men than women. Just amazes me. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 12:10 AM Flag
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LOL. Nutbag [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 02:11 AM Flag
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LOL [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 12:05 PM Flag
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Disagree [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 11:58 PM Flag
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Allow? Shouldn't women decide what they'll allow for their own bodies, not a government acting out an antiquated, unnecessary law? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 06:22 AM Flag
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I didn't use the word "allow." Of course she's "allowed" - freedom implies the freedom to do dumb shit. But I don't have to engage with her professionally. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 12:06 PM Flag
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My DH is practically MRA and only sees female doctors. He had a serious illness and thinks they spend more time. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 03:25 PM Flag
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There is no MRA. Troll. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 09:03 PM Flag
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Anyway, he chooses female doctors. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 10:11 PM Flag
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Yeah. Let's fuck over women some more. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 12:01 AM Flag
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As a resident in a competitive specialty ( DH is a surgery resident as well) who is currently pregnant hopefully I can provide another perspective. Pregnancy is not always something you can plan to perfectly accomodate co-residents schedules: We initially tried to time a pregnancy to have a baby while I was on a research year and then ended up dealing with 3 years of infertility..miscarriages etc. and are now dealing with 2 weeks off (DH will get no time off) after giving birth and lots of snark regarding why we chose to have a baby during such a busy year. The lack of compassion for pregnant residents has really surprised me..I've even known some pressured to terminate by their program. You shouldn't be upset at her but rather the system in general. It shouldn't be that residents are so overextended and overworked as it is that the loss of one causes such problems. Programs need to have better systems in place for these situations (not just pregnancy but serious illnesses etc among housestaff) and better ancillary support. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 11:43 PM Flag
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jesus christ. I didn't realize how malignant residencies, especially in the surgical specialties are. I'm in college and plan on taking time off between when I graduate and med school (need to take additional classes etc) so I'll be older when I start (and finish). This has made me rethink things though... I mean being pressured to terminate!?!? thats just insane!!! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 11:52 PM Flag
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Not all programs are malignant. West coast is better. -med student [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 11:57 PM Flag
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I think everyone knows internship and residency is malignant. However you are trashing your friends and coworkers and dumping your work on them to get pregnant and take time off in residency.-MD mom [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 03:27 PM Flag
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^Never heard of pressure to terminate though. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 03:28 PM Flag
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OP: thank you for your response. I do know that her situation is different, she didn't have any struggle with infertility, but thank you for your perspective. Wish you all the best with the baby [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 11:59 PM Flag
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OP and by the way, nobody in my program is pressuring anybody to terminate [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 12:01 AM Flag
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How do you know she didn't have infertility. You are one presumptuous person, are you the one who posts about how you are "Ivy MD surgeon" ugh [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 12:02 AM Flag
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OP: I am not "Ivy MD surgeon", must be someone else [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 01:05 AM Flag
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OP I went to an excellent private medical school in NYC, but not Ivy [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 01:07 AM Flag
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I doubt she's confiding in you about whatever her situation is. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 12:03 AM Flag
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Right?! OP is such an asshole. You can't know for sure when you get pregnant! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 12:12 AM Flag
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Yes, but 2 physicians should know what to do in order not to get pregnant, which means she had planned it [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 01:12 AM Flag
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The Pregnancy Discrimination Act of 1978 is a United States federal statute. It amended Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 to "prohibit sex discrimination on the basis of pregnancy." The Act covers discrimination "on the basis of pregnancy, childbirth, or related medical conditions." [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 06:00 AM Flag
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You don't know the situation. Maybe early menopause runs in her family and she needed to have second child now or never. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.30.15, 11:56 PM Flag
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OP doesn't care. She wants to hate on women. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 12:13 AM Flag
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Another MD mom here. You know what, you can't have it both ways. Either women are held up to the same standards as men or women need to admit that they can't hack it. I am a mother of two kids, btw, and I planned when to have them to minimize disruptions to my own career and to maximize time I could spend with them. Yes, it is possible to plan these things. And in situations where planning is not possible (infertility, history of early menopause, birth control malfunction, etc), it is possible to at least step up and try to make it up to your colleagues for the extra work they will have to take on several months later. What this resident did will absolutely spoil things for other female applicants to that particular residency because a residency director (male or female) has to think of the program first. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 12:52 AM Flag
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Life must be nice to be able to plan your life perfectly. Some people don't have that luxury. Women do not support each other and your smugness is very unattractive. When I told my PD I was having a kid he said I told you not to get pregnant. I worked just as hard as everyone else in my program and came back to work 4 weeks after a section and worked until 42 weeks. If women supported one another we could have it both ways. You are the reason I hate most female colleagues. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 01:01 AM Flag
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Having it both ways is really not possible, sorry. Generally speaking residents do try to help and support each other. But springing news of your pregnancy on your colleagues halfway through it and just expecting that nobody is going to resent you for all the extra crap it will mean for them is hubris. I understand that you may have had different circumstances but the situation OP describes seems pretty clear cut. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 01:09 AM Flag
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OP: thank you [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 01:07 AM Flag
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You are not another MD mom. You are 100% OP replying to herself! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 04:40 AM Flag
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OP: no [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 01:16 PM Flag
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np: I am another MD mom that posted way above so there are at least 3 here and I agree. If women see residency as the time to get pregnant they are screwing other women as well as colleagues. Most people are done with residency by 30-32 and many women plan a year of "research" not to screw everyone else. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 03:35 PM Flag
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“So now you are a woman. Do you have the least idea of what that means? It means that I am now fit to be wedded and bedded (...) and to bear children for the king." [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 06:23 AM Flag
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OP is definitely crazy Ivy surgeon mom [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 12:02 AM Flag
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OP No. See above [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 01:08 AM Flag
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So it sounds like her co-residents will have to pick up slack when she's on maternity leave. Can she do some extra shifts NOW to compensate for that? That would be fair. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 12:05 AM Flag
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OP:our program director is working on it. Also, turns out that her co-chiefs also have various things planned, which I cannot reveal here, so they are majorly upset as well [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 01:10 AM Flag
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Well maybe they shouldn't have planned "major things" either. Isn't that what this whole thread is about? Don't plan anything in your personal life when you're a resident? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 06:37 PM Flag
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The thing about women is that they got liberated too fast. They never learned to be straightforward about life because they had to sneak around for about a thousand years tricking men into doing things they wanted. So they manipulate you instead of telling you what they want, so you never know where the hell you are. And then they get mad at you and bitch. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 06:24 AM Flag
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It just seems counter intuitive. You get into this selective program that's grueling and competitive and then do so ething that prevents you from being able to perform at your potential. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 01:12 AM Flag
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This might be understandable if feminism were a wild-eyed manic philosophy. But it is a belief, a politics, based on one simple fact: women are human beings who matter as much as men. That is all that feminism claims. As human beings, women have the right to control their own bodies, to walk freely in the world, to train their minds and bodies, and to love and hate at will. Only those who wish to continue to coerce women into a servant/slave class for men cannot accept this principle. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 06:27 AM Flag
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She is a married woman of reproductive age. Instead of being angry at her, why aren't you angry at a disfunctional medical education system that can't handle having the participants in that system having corporeal bodies? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 01:12 AM Flag
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^^ and tbh, I don't know why I brought her marital status into it all. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 01:13 AM Flag
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OP: sure what about the whole corporate America? Why don't we start there? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 01:17 AM Flag
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No, start with yourself and the institution you are a part of! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 01:25 AM Flag
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OP: that's a general statement. I am not a president of ACGME [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 01:29 AM Flag
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But your personal attitudes towards other women are in need of much improvement [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 01:46 AM Flag
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OP: not other women. Women who demand special privileges at the expense of other women and men [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 01:48 AM Flag
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How did she demand special privileges?. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 06:37 PM Flag
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OR here. It's not fantastic, but people at my very very corporate office are much more accommodating than they were years ago. There is even a Mat leave mentor program that partners women who have children with women who are about to go out on/come back from leave to give some guidance and make sure they take advantage of all the programs available to them. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 01:29 AM Flag
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OP: this is actually a great idea to implement for women faculty. Please give me more details [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 01:39 AM Flag
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Working moms volunteer to help someone going out on leave about the realities of motherhood and how to navigate the HR system to work it out best for you. I usually take someone on a tour of the on-site backup daycare, make sure they sign up for access to the lactation room and generally help them figure out what services they want to take advantage of. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 09:08 PM Flag
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Why do women always feel they have to settle for less? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 06:28 AM Flag
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What "less?????" Making a deciding as a FAMILY not to have children until,I don't know, they could maybe see ONE of the parents once in a while is hardly settling for less. No ones brought up the real victims here...the babies of the "doctor" in question, being raised I day care while mom is out self actualizing. Selfish selfish selfish. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 12:10 PM Flag
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This. Women have been told they can have everything at the expense of everyone else. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 09:04 PM Flag
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MD pregnant mom here... I took time off before kids (PhD) so I'm on the older side of things. Having seen pregnancies done the 'right' and 'wrong' way through residencies my conclusion is that the system is just poorly designed. All residencies should be designed for education primarily - that's why the US gov pays hospitals for residency costs - even if many programs would not survive without scut. But by making these programs service heavy with no slack, I think that it forces women to police and judge each other. Have I judged about the same thing? Sure. Did I wait until after residency for my second? Sure. But the fact that half of doctors are women of reproductive age - and that residency programs have no contingency programs - is something that annoys the heck out of me. And about the 4 month mark... Yeah I was terrified of telling my PD that I was pregnant. Thank God my PD is nice (and a woman, although I guess that doesn't go hand in hand).... Ok rant over... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 09:36 AM Flag
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Just wanted to add that judging happens even after residency. Know several md moms who had multiple kids as attendings and got severe side eye from colleagues. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 09:54 AM Flag
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100% agree. There should be an expose on this. Where is the federal money going that residents have to do the work that could easily be done by residents and PA's. They are just used for cheap labor. My first month of internship I was called daily by nurses who "couldn't" find a vein. OK, they have been doing it for 15 years and me for a month and it is my job to stay up all night drawing blood because they don't feel like it. This and 1000 more things that residents do that are not related to education. 1 intern for 50k financed by the government does the work that they would have to pay 3-4 PA's 100k with normal hours. Imagine health care costs without the slave labor.-MD mom [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 03:52 PM Flag
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I understand your frustration.I font think people would be sympathetic unless they are/ have been or have been married to one. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 11:46 AM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 03:53 PM Flag
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From her perspective, this may have been entirely deliberate and FAR from poor planning. She might feel that she'd rather have the kids when young, even if it means a burden on your department. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 04:39 PM Flag
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OP: I am starting to think this is exactly the case. She wanted to end her residency sooner. I do not think giving birth 2 months before graduation is a coincidence. Again, why would you want to short change your kids and have them at the busiest time of your life when you do not have any time or money? I guess that's her choice. Thank you, everyone, you have been helpful as always. Signing off now [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 05:01 PM Flag
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You need to stop. Just stop. You cannot read other people's minds (really). You can't know their motives or their specific circumstances. You have no idea if she has a history of fertility issues. And you definitely don't know how much money there is in the bank. Ever hear of family money? Some people have it. Just stop sticking your nose where it doesn't belong. It's a good thing you aren't the PD because I'm pretty sure you would drive everyone nuts [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 06:35 PM Flag
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She's living her dream at the expense of her kids. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 09:03 PM Flag
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Residency runs more like a army unit than a typical job. You don't screw you teammates. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.31.15, 10:15 PM Flag
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