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07.24.13, 18:10 PM General Topics
74 replies
What is wrong with Kate's baby his eyes look swollen. Why aren't they ever open? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 06:10 PM Flag
 

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Could be sensitive from the silver nitrate drops. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 06:11 PM Flag
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EVER open? The kid's about 5 minutes old, relax. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 06:12 PM Flag
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OP my DB's eyes were always open after he was born. That baby seems heavily sedated or something. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 06:14 PM Flag
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Let me guess your DB is 99x3, G&T, HYP-bound top of the pops now? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 06:15 PM Flag
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lol [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 06:19 PM Flag
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Sounds more like yours was on crack. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 06:18 PM Flag
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LOL [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 06:28 PM Flag
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That baby looks like most newborns to me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 06:18 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 06:28 PM Flag
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How sad that your baby didn't sleep. Did you take him or her to see a sleep specialist? That would have really worried me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 06:12 PM Flag
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How did you keep db's eyes moist? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 06:14 PM Flag
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Visine Jr. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 06:15 PM Flag
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um, because its a fucking newborn. maybe you should have laid off the meth when you were nursing. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 06:19 PM Flag
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bahahaha [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 06:28 PM Flag
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OMG this I just posted the same thing. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 06:43 PM Flag
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Oh, so your baby never slept? How sad. Maybe you should have put the crack pipe down sooner. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 06:42 PM Flag
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Perhaps because he's a day old. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 06:04 PM Flag
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Sheeit, and he can't even talk or anything. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 06:06 PM Flag
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What a dumbass little baby. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 06:14 PM Flag
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I speak English better than that dumbass baby and it's his English. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 06:08 PM Flag
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Maybe he was switched at birth? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 06:17 PM Flag
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That baby isn't English he is German [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 06:17 PM Flag
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Why is that baby bald? What's wrong with his hair? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 06:21 PM Flag
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They should have had the decency to put a wig on him before leaving the hospital. For shame! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 06:15 PM Flag
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A white curled one. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 06:33 PM Flag
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And a little robe with frills at the collar. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 06:34 PM Flag
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Only if he's already become a barrister. Not sure if he's been able to do that yet, what with all the slacking off and closed eyes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 06:27 PM Flag
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And not speaking English, don't forget that. Harrumph! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 06:35 PM Flag
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We can only pray he'll catch up one day. I mean, not to OP's baby, of course, but maybe he'll be functional enough to learn to read. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 06:36 PM Flag
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We can only hope. Poor thing. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 06:37 PM Flag
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Well, he probably doesn't need to read anyway. Don't they have servants for that sort of thing? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 06:30 PM Flag
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This is true, but he should try to learn so he can be sure the servants aren't trying to trick him about what they are reading to him (I think I saw that in a movie once). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 06:38 PM Flag
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Did you have babies? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 06:06 PM Flag
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op: yes I have 1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 06:17 PM Flag
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Was yours alert 24/7, outdoors, right from the start? That's pretty incredible. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 06:11 PM Flag
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She just said her dc's eyes were "always" open. Oddly, OP apparently was not disturbed by this... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 06:20 PM Flag
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Hahaha. OP, worry about your non-blinking monster baby instead, [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 06:34 PM Flag
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LOL i am laughing (np) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 06:36 PM Flag
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pp LOL!!!! Admittedly I chuckled at my own joke. But with "monster baby" youve taken the whole thing up a comedic knotch. Good team work, us! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 06:41 PM Flag
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Yes matter of fact. He starting speaking very young too so I think his brain was higher functioning from the start. Not surprising since his mother is in Mensa and his father has 2 degrees from Harvard. That baby seems too inactive to be healthy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 06:24 PM Flag
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LOL okay OP. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 06:18 PM Flag
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LOL [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 06:26 PM Flag
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WTH FAKKKEEEE [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 06:28 PM Flag
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A crack baby. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 06:19 PM Flag
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Are there new pictures? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 06:12 PM Flag
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Am I the only one who is really disturbed at the thought of OP's bug-eyed baby? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 06:17 PM Flag
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Lol! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 06:29 PM Flag
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He was very alert - not literally "bug eyed" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 06:30 PM Flag
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So are a lot of newborns, but it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with one who is sleeping. Stop patting yourself on the back for god-knows-what. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 06:31 PM Flag
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He had catlike reflexes. He could catch a bullet between his teeth, which came in when he was 2 hrs old. He could snag a fly with his telescopic tongue from 8 feet away. He healed from his circumcision in minutes. He ate his own placenta. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 06:35 PM Flag
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LMAO, I just spit my tea!!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 06:28 PM Flag
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LOL! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 06:25 PM Flag
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No blinks = no smarts. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 06:37 PM Flag
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This entire post has me lmao. Thanks OP. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 06:34 PM Flag
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+1, although I may have nightmares about OP's praying mantis newborn [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 06:27 PM Flag
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Lol! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 06:37 PM Flag
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Don't worry, it only snaps the head off of males. And they never hear the ninja baby coming. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 06:37 PM Flag
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ITS EYES ARE ALWAYS OPEN.... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 06:38 PM Flag
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It has specialized reptilian glands that spritz its ever-open eyes with lubricating mucus [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 06:39 PM Flag
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I keep picturing Jurassic Park when those dinosaurs killed Newman from Seinfeld by spitting that crap in his eyes... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 06:40 PM Flag
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OMG could this post get any funnier. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 06:33 PM Flag
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If, and only if, OP posts a picture of the genius alien baby. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 06:44 PM Flag
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I now have tears streaming from my eyes. Keep the jokes coming! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 06:44 PM Flag
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Precious! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 06:40 PM Flag
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Aaaahhhhh!!!! Well played, op! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 06:49 PM Flag
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LOL it wasn't really OP!!!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 06:46 PM Flag
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me too, lol [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 06:37 PM Flag
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OP: I am sure your DCs are developmentally on track but if you had a child of superior intelligence for his age you would know the difference. Most babies lay there doing nothing and my child was already starting to engage with his surroundings. I attribute this to my diet (very high omega 3 and vitamin D) and our genes, especially DH's. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 06:59 PM Flag
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OP: he can complete an easy sudoku and he is only 5 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 07:00 PM Flag
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OP, you are making this too easy. Come off it already. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 07:01 PM Flag
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OP: He killed him a bar when he was only 3. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 07:04 PM Flag
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Thanks for this. This post is one of the more hilarious ones on UB recently. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 07:15 PM Flag
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OP: you're welcome! It has been getting a little stale around here hasn't it? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.24.13, 08:11 PM Flag
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