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06.04.08, 19:54 PM General Topics
10 replies
Grrrrrrrrrr, if your DH can run 8 miles during lunch hour, he can cut that down to 3 or 4 and spend more time with his kids. Sister, you have to sit him down and explain how important it is to be more involved with his kids and what a major difference it will make for DCs in the long run. Not to mention make you happier and even get him more sex because you are satisfied emotionally. He's a biz guy, he will understand. [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 07:54 PM Flag
 

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it sounds like sitting him down will not help. i have a dh who does try and pariticipate if it involves after work hours- and even then I have to tell him. BTW i wohm and make more than he does, yet I get my butt to most everything at the school for the kids. some men will never get it until it is too late. they never understand. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 07:57 PM Flag
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do you feel bad that you chose a guy who just can't step up to the plate? I'm engaged but froze our engagement until I am convinced this guy will either do his fair share, or will never change in which case I'll move on [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 07:58 PM Flag
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I don't feel bad, I feel bad for him that he is missing out. but, when he is with them, he is great. And, if you are waiting, there is no way to know if someone will step up to the plate until you are in that actual situation, yes, there may be clues, but if you are generally equal now, that should not change. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 08:02 PM Flag
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he's a guy whose own needs come first. always have, always will. it's something dc will have to deal with later in life. i do what i can and hope that makes up for some of it [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 08:00 PM Flag
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what kind of childhood did he have? it sounds like he is successful but yet narcissist with you and his own children [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 08:03 PM Flag
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that sums him up. he had a very successful father (plastic surgeon) who was an alcoholic and verbally abusive and a mother who drank with his father and never stood up for dc when the abuse was happening. my perception is that dh felt so out of control in his childhood that he has lived his life since leaving making sure that he always takes care of himself and everyone else comes second. i can take being second, but never realized the price dc would pay for that [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 08:07 PM Flag
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but has your DH been to therapy to understand how his childhood has adversely affected his behavior and attitudes as an adult, parent and father? would he consider going to therapy on his own and/or with you? or not open to change? I worry that so many men are opposed to therapy (sadly). And we wonder why women are the ones who initiate most of the divorces.....because they are fed up, men won't make change and make for miserable marriages and family life [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 08:10 PM Flag
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he spent years in therapy from high school through college - all paid for by his father. It was the therapist who told dh that his parents were alcoholics. Like other dc he thought all families were like his. I actually believe this therapist help create the narcicism - the put yourself first mentality. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 08:13 PM Flag
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OMG, that is terrible. Better for the therapist to have helped DH become a better person, to forgive his parents (alcoholism is a disease and it's genetic!!!!), to rise above it and maybe give back to kids who suffer from having alcoholic parents. I help with Hedge Funds Care and so many parents who are abusers have a high alcohol and/or drug problem (it's correlated) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 08:17 PM Flag
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I agree- and dh is not abusive at all with dc. (other than the benign neglect) I truly don't think he'll change - just trying to get through if with a best case scenario for dc. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 08:21 PM Flag
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