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06.04.08, 13:28 PM General Topics
14 replies
Hi all. Does anyone remember me?, I'm the one who drove her dear friend to detox about 3 weeks ago. She stopped by my house the day after getting out of detox (NOT the same as rehab - she was in detox for 5 days only) and I smelled alcohol on her breath. Confronted her about it and she said she hadn't been drinking. I didn't believe her but she swore up & down, even saying she was hurt that I had thought that - so, finally, I was like "if you say you're not lying then, ok, I believe you." She started going to an out-patient rehab, daily, as well as doing an additional AA meeting every day. She told everyone, including her therapist and the folks in her AA meetings, that she was sober and had "x" amount of days. Guess what? She just called to tell me she started drinking as soon as she got home from detox (3 weeks ago) and had been lying to everyone since then. I am SO proud of her for telling the truth, finally, because I - at least - KNEW (although it was nothing I could prove) she had started drinking again. Just goes to prove the saying: "How can you tell when an alcoholic is lying? - Because their lips are moving." Her sobriety (or lack thereof) is HER CHOICE but d*mn it, just don't f*cking lie to me, you know??! [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 01:28 PM Flag
 

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Expect her to lie. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 01:29 PM Flag
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Ditto. It's part of the disease of alcoholism. Signed, mom with 18+ years sober. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 01:30 PM Flag
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OP: Yup, I know. It sucks though. She was downright angry for me, 3 weeks ago, for telling her I smelled alcohol on breath and asking if she had been drinking. She sat there, for weeks, and lied - with a poker face - to me and our other dear friend (the friend that drove her up to detox with me). I'm happy she's finally telling the truth (because I knew, in my heart, she was lying all along) but, d*mn, I'll NEVER be able to trust her again, will I? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 01:33 PM Flag
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When she gets and stays sober for an extended period of time, yes, you will. But not until then. Until then, you have to know that - at any given moment - you are talking to two people within her. One wants to get sober and healthy. The other wants to do and say anything to get you off her back so she can get to the alcohol. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 01:34 PM Flag
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OP: thanks - the thing about her is that she'll tell anyone who'll listen that she DOESN'T want to be sober - but, when I was on the phone with her just now, I asked her if she was sober and she said, "yes, in this minute." I asked her if she WANTED to be sober and she said, "yes, in this minute I do." So - who knows?, it's a process and perhaps one day she'll be able to (honestly) say, "Hi, My name is Jane and I'm an alcoholic. And I have 3 years." ?? Time will tell. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 01:43 PM Flag
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Miracles *do* happen. I'm one ;-) You do sound like a great friend. I wish you and her the best. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 01:44 PM Flag
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OP: thanks again. And great for you for staying sober for 18+ years! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 01:50 PM Flag
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One "minute" at a time (at least at first...)! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 01:53 PM Flag
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That's tough. How are you managing to keep a relationship with her? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 01:31 PM Flag
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OP: well, [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 01:34 PM Flag
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^^ oops, sorry - Well, I'm just there for her. I listened to her tell me she had started drinking, just out of the detox gate and had lied about it - and just listened, you know? Her dh is out of town so I told her if she felt like she needed/wanted a meeting tonight I'd watch her two daughters for her. What else can I do? Her sobriety is out of my control. She's still my friend and I still love her. I just hate the lies. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 01:36 PM Flag
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You sound like an amazing friend. Best of luck to both of you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 01:39 PM Flag
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OP: thanks so much. It's hard. I love her (and her family) so much. I just want her to be healthy. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 01:44 PM Flag
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of course. what do you think? you should be respectful but honest. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 01:31 PM Flag
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