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06.04.08, 07:04 AM General Topics
51 replies
toxic/uninvolved mom only shows up for a party. as DB got icing on his face at his 1st bday lunch: she says sarcastically "gotta get the MONEY shot." she likes to make crude sex talk and it was a small family party. she calls since to put me down for being too "directive" and "hoooovering" (says it like hoover vacuum) - i was only with DB for photos, BTW. i may just cut her out entirely like she did her own verbally abusive mother out of my life. WWYD? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 06.04.08, 07:04 AM Flag
 

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I have no idea what this post is about [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 07:06 AM Flag
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read it again. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 07:09 AM Flag
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op: you don't have to. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 07:10 AM Flag
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You do sound pretty intense. I can't believe you freaked out about that money shot comment -- your interpretation would never have occurred to me. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 07:07 AM Flag
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lol, that's what that term means - there is no other interpretation that I'm aware of! np [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 07:08 AM Flag
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i agree that it's common knowledge it's a porno thing [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 07:08 AM Flag
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she's very abusive verbally and emotionally. she's dysfunctional. unkind. and ultra rude. this is not a nice, normal person making that porn comment [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 07:08 AM Flag
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np: she's also abusive sexually. it is completely inappropriate to insert a highly sexualized comment into the birthday party situation. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 07:14 AM Flag
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of a sweet 1 yr old! i wish i could have her locked up. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 07:20 AM Flag
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op: she used to always hit and grab my butt constantly when i was a teenager. i'm so sick of her. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 07:21 AM Flag
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obviously if she has this effect on you you can cut her out. But i thought the "money shot" while used in porn, is ANY shot that a photog could sell. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 08:49 AM Flag
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no more invites absolutely - she's gross and rude [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 07:07 AM Flag
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so she's *your* mother (db's grandmother)? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 07:08 AM Flag
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op:yes. but she's always verbally and emotionally abusive. but then tries to play all innocent. will say 'he's sooo cute.' [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 07:09 AM Flag
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honey, i believe you. i do not question your experience of the situation at all. i too have a crazy mother. your *primary* and *overriding* responsibility at this point is to set boundaries that protect your child. and that includes protecting him from having his *own* mother (YOU) so disturbed and distracted that she cannot participate fully in his life. take care of yourself. btdt and with absolute compassion for you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 07:13 AM Flag
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op: ty. b/c people respond with 'you're a horrible person and you're crazy.' when i say she's v. hurtful. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 07:15 AM Flag
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i know. i get it. really. trust your gut and protect yourself and your child. people who don't come from families with crazy parents really can't understand. it's just beyond their experience. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 07:17 AM Flag
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op: it really is beyond them to understand. they have no idea what it would be like to have a grandma liken a 1 yr old blowing out a candle to a man ejaculating in a porn movie -and right when he was blowing out his candle. i have had it. it's awful and too much to handle [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 07:18 AM Flag
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seriously, your child DESERVES to have you fully present during his life. your mother's participation distracts you from this. you don't necessarily have to disown her or anything. but you owe it to yourself to set whatever boundaries *you* need. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 07:20 AM Flag
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she can't visit with us [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 07:21 AM Flag
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then there you go. be present for your son and break the cycle. he deserves it. best wishes to you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 07:22 AM Flag
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I lost my mother when I was 17 and her mother became verbally horrible to my younger sister and I. At a certain point I had to just say "enough". I feel better for it. It's not healthy to perpetuate all that anger... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 07:19 AM Flag
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^^ it all sounds very disturbing. i'm sorry. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 07:09 AM Flag
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confusing b/c she's also upbeat and the only family in the area other than my dad. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 07:12 AM Flag
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are they divorced? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 07:20 AM Flag
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does she know what a "money shot" is or are you projecting? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 07:08 AM Flag
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maybe she didn't really know what she was saying ? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 07:09 AM Flag
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True, until I read above, I didn't know what it meant. I just thought it was the best photo. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 07:10 AM Flag
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i once said something - granted I was a teen - but people were so up in arms and i just didn't know what i had said... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 07:13 AM Flag
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no, it's the shot of the man coming - spewing sperm - lol - which tells me the grandma is sexually inappropriate at the very least [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 07:14 AM Flag
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op: and it's abusive to denegrate a baby's birthday candle blowing out like that. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 07:16 AM Flag
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exactly, which is now begging the question - why are you still letting her in your home? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 07:20 AM Flag
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ita. I didn't know what it meant...no way my mom would know [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 07:14 AM Flag
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but this mom clearly does. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 07:16 AM Flag
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op: too much coincidence. the icing on face. blowing out candle. and the sperm on face reference [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 07:17 AM Flag
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absolutely [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 07:20 AM Flag
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you may be right... but maybe she just meant that the best shot is that cute picture with the face all messy and the 1st birthday cake... it's the one you'd pay for... it's the money show... just saying'... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 07:20 AM Flag
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np: you're kind of colluding with the grandmother's craziness by making excuses for her. not in a mean way. but i really am sure the op would not make up the tone in which she heard the comment. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 07:26 AM Flag
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you certainly know her... you should go with your gut and do what gives you peace in your home... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 07:31 AM Flag
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I mean OP knows her and should do what gives her peace. i think someitmes I am quick to judge and i am trying to get better at deciding what other people's motives might be... that's my thing though... she has to go with her gut and past history [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 07:32 AM Flag
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this is how I would interpret it, but OP's mother may be a nutter [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 07:37 AM Flag
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bad for you and your kid. give her the boot! life is too short. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 07:09 AM Flag
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op: well said. i started stammering. "that's ejaculation." why would you say that? and DB is trying to blow out the candle and i'm bright red and in shock. she wants to have that effect. she has to be center of attention [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 07:10 AM Flag
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Ask your mom point blamk if she knew what that meant and if so why she's say that at a 1 yo b-day party? The ans should help you make a decision better that we can. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 07:17 AM Flag
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op: she lies and likes to lie to me and everyone. she uses a fake name usually at places - like the library. she said 'oh, i didn't mean it that way...' she was lying [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 07:19 AM Flag
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I have a very disturbed mother who has been in and out of my life for years. Right now out of mine, but I allow supervised visits with my dd ONLY because she is absolutely loving to her, gives her everything she couldn't give me and my dd loves her. But yours sounds creepy -- the lying, I mean. Mine doesn't do that. Lying means you can't trust her at all, and the thing she said about db is way hostile, however unconsciously. Sounds like she may have been sexually abused as a child, actually -- is that possible? Lots of borderlines have. Read a book on personality disorders and trust your instincts. Keep contacts structured and ask others to help you handle her or cut her out for now. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 08:13 AM Flag
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her need to be the center of attention is reason enough to dump her without all of the gross language. Your attention needs to be elsewhere. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 07:19 AM Flag
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op - she always finds a way to damage my life and DB's life even when we only see her a handful of times per year. she's out [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 07:20 AM Flag
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good for you. the other option, if you want limited contact, is to see her a few times a year but NOT at events that she can ruin (i.e., no more birthday or holiday party invitations) but maybe invite her over for dinner a couple of times a year if you feel the need to have some continuity. But you certainly don't need to feel obligated to have her around at all. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 07:25 AM Flag
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if she is overly critical of you that is one thing. I don't think the "money shot" comment is a bad one. Kind of funny, imo. But all this stuff is contextual, so only you can really say. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 08:14 AM Flag
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I think you're over-reacting. I doubt she even was making a true reference to porn. I've heard that used in other situations. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 08:56 AM Flag
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