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06.03.08, 17:47 PM Expecting
11 replies
Has any every felt pressured to have your child? I never wanted children, but now I'm pregnant with one. My husband and his family were all like "it's the greatest thing ever." Honestly, I feel like having this child will never be fun or exciting, just another task on top of all the other shit that I do for "us." I know I that sound like a terrible person, but my mom said that if i didn't give him a kid...he'd find someone else. Well just wanted vent...let me know if you've ever felt anything similar. [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
Expecting 06.03.08, 05:47 PM Flag
 

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wow. that sounds awful. I will say that people (mom, ILs esp.) have TRIED to pressure us to have a 2nd, but I won't give in. I know what works for us. Perhaps you should talk with a therapist or something b/c clearly you need to work through this [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 05:49 PM Flag
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your mom is a wack job. honestly, having a kid is amazing, but it is hard at times, and there are days when I want to just get away. it may be worth it to talk to someone about this and having a space to vent and sort through emotions. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 05:51 PM Flag
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ita. WTF did your mother tell you that for? Talk about archaic. If that's who your DH is, you'd be bette roff solo anyways. OMG> [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 05:58 PM Flag
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i think a lot of people have secret fears like you do. i can't explain why it's worth it but i bet you'll be back here saying it is. but no doubt it is a lot of work. it's just that the rewards are unimaginable and dont' sound as great on paper. good luck. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 05:52 PM Flag
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i have more than one dc and i very much wanted each one. but even so, there are still going to be times when you think "is this what i really want" or "is it worth it". especially before the baby is born. after the baby is born you think things like "can someone take this baby for one friggin' minute!" It's hard for you now b/c your baby is still abstract. and you are pregnant so a lot of things tend to get blown out of proportion, emotionally. good luck. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 05:56 PM Flag
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You're absolutely right. It's that not that I dislike my kid or don't think I could be a good mom. I just feel that my husband really didn't think through the kind of sacrifices and time that children take up. Whenever we discussed the "the child issue," he always had this "oh it work itself out" attitude, meaning you'll figure it out...there is definitely an imbalance in the "work" we put it. The major problem I have is that we were living overseas (where his family lives). He really wanted to move to NY ("for the experience"). I told him that if we delayed the move, it would be better because then I'll at least have his family around...nope "we'll manage..." I feel that children need to be planned for and both parents need to honest about what raising a child requires...does that sound bad? I just feel that it's not an emotional decision. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 06:02 PM Flag
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Feeling guilty about bringing a child into a situation where s/he isn't wanted won't help the child, so that isn't where I'm going... but please do realize s/he didn't ask to be born, and *you* got pregnant (you were not a victim of anyone who was trying to pressure you). You have the opportunity to use your pregnancy and the birth of your child to take responsibilty for your own life and happiness. You can do it! Allow for the possibility that you will fall absolutely in love with this baby (or grow to love him/her in a way and with a depth you can't even imagine). It is an opportunity to learn to differentiate your own hopes and dreams, your own decisions and parenting beliefs, from those of your family members. What a great gift to have been given by this child, even though at this moment you are feeling like a victim of circumstance. I predict your life will get better and better in the coming months and years, not because of having a child, but because in having this child and seeing him/her as a unique individual deserving of parents who are fully present for her/him, you will become more fully present to yourself (and heal what needs healing). You have to fall sometimes to reach the heights. I predict a lot of "real"ness coming into your life... you can look for commiseration here (or elsewhere), and the honesty you display in doing so will serve you well, but you are better than the part of you that wants support in feeling like you're somehow in the wrong movie. This *is* your movie. I wish you and your child the best of luck. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 06:27 PM Flag
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I think your attitude will change when you have the child. GL [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 06:28 PM Flag
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I agree that your attitude is likely to change. I felt EXACTLY like you when I was pregnant with my first child. Kind of allowed the pregnancy to happen b/c dh wanted children and I've always been a very "mainstream" kind of person (as in: can't be wrong if everybody is doing it). Now I'm pregnant with #3. Somebody once said: "when you expect a child you think it will be like a closet. Then you open the door and what you see is an amazing, beautiful, enormously big ballroom." Wait and see what happens until the baby is there. Good chance you'll feel very differently then. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 06:33 PM Flag
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Try going to therapy and talking about your fears about the pregnancy. This is a very scary time and the changes are so fast that they are very hard to grasp specially feeling the way that you do. You are going need to all the support and understanding from your husband. Stop talking to your mother about it, she is not good with this specific topic. good luck! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 07:27 AM Flag
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ita [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 07:30 AM Flag
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