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06.02.08, 16:49 PM Toddler
25 replies
wwyd- dh and I have been having trouble lately. We had a long talk about it, he told me he isn't satisfied and wonders constantly what he is missing, he's not sure what he wants right now. Is this even remotely close to "normal" dh behavior? I was under the impression that, once you're married, you've decided what you want. He is also not trying anything to reconnect with me, avoids being alone with me, etc. [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
Toddler 06.02.08, 04:49 PM Flag
 

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Not normal. he's going through a crisis and he's being very honest, which is unusual. Couples therapy would help [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.08, 04:50 PM Flag
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I'm sorry, that must be so hard to watch him pull away. I don't think it's normal, but I doubt it's uncommon either. Can you suggest he start therapy? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.08, 04:50 PM Flag
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op: I've tried, I've begged in fact- he went himself for a few months but claimed nothing helped. I'm really at a loss in this- torn between being furious and frustrated. Not good. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.08, 04:51 PM Flag
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I'd go to therapy myself to figure out what YOU want. Because when someone acts like your DH is, everything in life becomes trying to please him. You'll forget whether it's worth it anymore. Best of luck, hope he snaps out of it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.08, 04:53 PM Flag
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op: he did this early in our relationship, broke up because he wasn't sure what he wanted, etc. I thought it was just a phase (we were early 20's). Now, dc and house later, he seems to be doing it again. I don't think I can go through that again with him, but I feel like I owe it to dc to try. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.08, 04:56 PM Flag
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The friendship with the other woman is troubling. I think emotional affairs can be even more damaging than a fling. Really, see a therapist and discuss what your options are and what your boundaries for his behavior will be. He will otherwise erode all your expectations and goals, and you deserve better. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.08, 04:59 PM Flag
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find a great counselor to facilitate conversation... dh and i went through a rough patch and did this weekly for about a month and we totally got back on track... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.08, 04:52 PM Flag
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i'm sorry to bring this up, but do you think he's interested in someone else? it's strange that he isn't even trying. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.08, 04:53 PM Flag
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op: I didn't want to bring it in to my post because everyone jumps on the affair thing, but he has become really close with a woman who has gone through some rough stuff in the last few years. I've been uncomfortable with the relationship because it seemed that becoming friends with her started this whole mess. I can believe it's not an affair, but I think it's something. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.08, 04:55 PM Flag
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trust your instincts. try to get him to go to counseling with you. chances are it will not get better if you don't act [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.08, 04:57 PM Flag
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i agree. you have to get him back into the marriage. make it a big issue that you want to go to counseling. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.08, 05:01 PM Flag
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op: sigh, been there. He really just won't go. Maybe I'm just deluding myself, maybe this is all his way of getting me to call it quits so he doesn't have to. He swears he doesn't want to divorce. I wish I'd never taken him back years ago. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.08, 05:02 PM Flag
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what does he say when you bring up the relationship? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.08, 05:09 PM Flag
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np: yep, he's putting it on you, making you do his dirty work [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.08, 05:11 PM Flag
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Thats so hard. My dh has a very close female friend- and they are just friends- have been since they were in high school- but the relationship still sometimes gets on my nerves. i think you need to address it with him. you two are a team. he needs to be in this as much as you are and willing to work on it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.08, 05:06 PM Flag
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how long have you been married? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.08, 05:11 PM Flag
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how did he meet this woman? is she a mutual friend of exclusively his friend? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.08, 05:14 PM Flag
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I thought he was cheating before I read this part (see my response below). Now I'm sure of it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.08, 05:10 PM Flag
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sometimes when i pull away from my dh, it's because he's been really busy and i feel hurt. also, i tend to catch myself wanting him to initiate the reconnection process during those times. could that at all be what your dh is doing? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.08, 04:56 PM Flag
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op: I've tried everything to reconnect, but he rejects it and I get hurt. Even going to a movie, he won't do it. It's so hurtful, I tell him this and I still get nowhere. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.08, 04:58 PM Flag
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that sounds different than what i do. i'm really sorry that he's doing that. in your shoes, i would find a good therapist so that i'd have a regular outlet to talk about how i was feeling, etc. a was in therapy a few years ago and it was great. if you can afford it, go twice a week at the beginning to jump start things. good luck. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.08, 05:01 PM Flag
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He's cheating. Big time. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.08, 05:07 PM Flag
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not necessarily. but i agree he is probably THINKING about cheating which in my book is just as bad as the actual deed. OP- would you leave him if he were cheating? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.08, 05:09 PM Flag
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op: at this point, it would be a relief to find that out and be able to end it for that reason. So yes, I would. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.08, 05:23 PM Flag
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is she a mutual friend? do you know her? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.08, 05:26 PM Flag
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