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06.02.08, 09:02 AM New York City
23 replies
Why doesn't my 5yo listen to me? Every time I want to tell her something (like take care of your possessions) she just tells me "I KNOW, mommy!" in the "leave me alone" kind of tone. I feel this attitude is kind of rude and disrespectful and I try to tell her that, but of course it ends up in butting head and more yelling and crying and what not. Should I loosen up and not get her under my skin so easily? Any ideas? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
New York City 06.02.08, 09:02 AM Flag
 

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explain to her that you will not tolerate her speaking to you in that way [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.08, 09:03 AM Flag
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agree. i have a friend whose 5yo is getting to be a pain in the neck with that tone. also she's starting to think no one can tell her anything and she knows what she should do. i would avoid that kind of attitude now. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.08, 09:07 AM Flag
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the problem with this is that they often don't "hear" themselves. you need to explain to her at a neutral time that you expect her to speak to you in a respectful manner, and that when she doesn't, that you will point that out to her. I actually found that worked with dd. didn't stop the behavior entirely, but she really didn't get what I meant when I said not to talk "that way." [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.08, 09:07 AM Flag
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you are saying that I should give a little breather in form of a break before I go back to her and tell her that it was not okay that she talked like this? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.08, 09:11 AM Flag
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basically, yes. remind her of the incident. but remember, it's a two-way street. she has every right to expect to be spoken to respectfully as well [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.08, 09:15 AM Flag
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yes, of course. But what is the right strategy to get this done? I don't let her get away with that attitude but it always ends up in big fights because neither of us want to budge. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.08, 09:08 AM Flag
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talk to her when you're both in a good mood and you've done something thats made her happy (i.e., lets eat ice cream together), so she's in a mood to understand. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.08, 09:12 AM Flag
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ok. let me summarize. If she started to act up like this I should just drop it at that time and let her be but pick it up again at a later time when both of us calmed down? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.08, 09:14 AM Flag
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say "I don't like it when you talk to me in that tone of voice" or "You are not allowed to..." Then do not get drawn in to something at that time. disengage...it'll be good practice for when she'd a teen [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.08, 09:16 AM Flag
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thanks. that actually makes sense. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.08, 09:17 AM Flag
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also, get the Ames book "Your 5-Year-Old" Five can be a contentious age, and I've always found that I was way more patient if I knew the behavior, no matter how annoying, was normal for her age [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.08, 09:20 AM Flag
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back off a little bit. sounds like you're on her like white on rice. at least from her perspective. but draw the line with the tone instead of the other issues. firmly direct her to speak in a polite voice to communicate and use her polite words. she sounds strong willed, so you need to respect that - but it will be a blessing to her in the long run to have the politeness emphasized in terms of her future external interactions. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.08, 09:05 AM Flag
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no offense intended. but i don't htink you are speaking very well to her. "take care of your possessions" is not what i'd say ot a 5yo. try to be more specific and more explanatory. e.g. dd, if you put your doll over there soemthing might spill on it. then it'll be dirty adn you won't be able to play with it" and then leave it up to her to decide to move it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.08, 09:06 AM Flag
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of course I talk to her like you suggested. It's just at times she doesn't want to hear any of this. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.08, 09:09 AM Flag
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if you point out that it will get ruined or dirty, does she remedy the problem or does she ignore it? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.08, 09:13 AM Flag
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those things she understands. It is more the things that don't have a hypothetical consequence. Like "don't being so many toys with you on our walk to the park because you will lose some of it." "No, mommy, I am not going to lose anything." Then of course she does. A few days later the same happens again. It makes me mad because those are things I bought her and I don't want her to lose them just because she doesn't want to listen to me. Do I make any sense? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.08, 09:17 AM Flag
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"the things that have a hypothetical consequence" [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.08, 09:18 AM Flag
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then you set a limit. she can take two toys because she has two hands. or whatever reason you want. set a limit and keep to it. also, keep your ego out of it. her losing things has nothing to do with whether or not you bought them. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.08, 09:18 AM Flag
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np: or give her the illusion of control. ask her if she wants to take these 2 toys or these other 2 toys. then it's HER decision [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.08, 09:23 AM Flag
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np: We won't go to the park at all if DS refuses to follow our rules about bringing toys, appropriate shoes, whatever. Problem solved. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.08, 09:18 AM Flag
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ita with this. i used to do it all the time...let dcs make their own rules and then get upset about things that didn't go well. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.08, 09:21 AM Flag
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Yes, I used to ask open-ended questions and wonder why everything was a struggle. Now it's either between two choices or no choice at all (depending on situation). Such a difference in our interactions and my mood now. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.08, 09:25 AM Flag
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you will be correctign her and teaching her these things until she is 18. Things will happen over and pover and over and over and over again. You still need to keep teaching. Adults lose things, not just children, btw./ You sound like yo don't remember what it is to be a child. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.08, 09:33 AM Flag
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