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06.02.08, 08:52 AM General Topics
15 replies
I'm having a tough time with a friend who has become a little too close for comfort. She's been through a difficult time and was out of work for almost 4 years, but somehow managed to get buy on money from her family. Her mom passed away a little over a year ago and with her inheritance money she bought a house and moved out of state to live near us, now she's in our subdivision. She doesn't get along with our neighbors, who we are friends with, and the whole situation is awkward. She has just run out of money again. She's asked us for money to help with her mortgage and we don't want to see her go into foreclosure. The whole situation is a mess. She's no longer speaking to her family over money issues and as much as I want to be supportive of her, I feel that she's getting to me and I'm not feeling as good about the friendship as I was in the past. Any thoughts? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 06.02.08, 08:52 AM Flag
 

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she sounds like a mess. the best you can do is get her hooked up with a mortgage counselor. I would NOT help her out financially [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.08, 08:53 AM Flag
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i would NOT help out financially, but would try to offer other types of support [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.08, 08:54 AM Flag
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Why would you not help out financially? Just curious... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.08, 08:55 AM Flag
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np - I also said not to help out with money. It would just be a bandaid on a larger problem, IMO. Her friend needs financial planning/budgeting help. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.08, 08:58 AM Flag
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or -here.you will lose your money,and ultimately it will not help her. she needs to be responsible. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.08, 08:59 AM Flag
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ITA - if OP gave her $, it would be a gift, not a loan, and I doubt it would keep her in the house. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.08, 09:01 AM Flag
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It's enabling someone rather than helping them. Having been through this with a good friend who is alcoholic, sometimes you have to do the tough thing in order for them to turn themselves around. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.08, 09:04 AM Flag
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op here. I feel terrible about it all and we've been very supportive and generous, but she goes through these incredible highs and lows and the money situation is a mess. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.08, 08:55 AM Flag
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it's a sad situation, but if you help her out with $ now you'll only be enabling her - it seems she needs help setting a budget for herself, at a minimum [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.08, 08:55 AM Flag
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sounds like she needs meds. Seriously. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.08, 09:05 AM Flag
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I'm not sure about needing meds, but the fact that she's in danger of losing her house, which she moved into less than a year ago, speaks volumes as far as her lack of budgeting. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.08, 09:07 AM Flag
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if you lend her money, you will not get it back [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.08, 08:57 AM Flag
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incredible highs and lows? probably bipolar. encourage her to get some psychiatric help. as for yourself, she is an emotional vampire and will not be content until she drags down you and her family with her. tell her that she's a huge drain on you and start to try to disengage. you did not create the mess that is her life. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.08, 09:12 AM Flag
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ITA with this diagnosis...financial irresponsibility and not getting along with others is the hallmark of manic depression. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.08, 09:13 AM Flag
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np: Ditto. This could be DH's friend. He ended up losing his apt. even after all the $$ friends gave him, over and over again. We could see his mania coming on like a storm (he would stop his meds when he had a low). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.02.08, 09:15 AM Flag
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