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06.01.08, 11:37 AM General Topics
15 replies
i feel like an awful person. my sister has been divorced for ten years. it has been very hard on me as i just started a family and have two toddlers. she has been a great aunt but acts a bit resentful when she is here . she only comes when dh is out and always seems a bit odd around him. she has two older dcs (she is 15 yrs older than me) and she is constantly talking about ex. his money his girlfriend his house and how he is a bad dad especially around her kids. i blew up the other day and told her to get her own life that this is pathetic. i told her she was a frightening person to think she is still so stuck in her marriage thats over . i also said you were the one to leave him so why bother complaining about him. well she has ended our relationship now. she and her daughter were supposed to come and see dd's little show today and i know dd will be so hurt. i feel like i should of shut up for my dcs sake so they could have family but i ruined it for them. most of our family lives out of state [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 06.01.08, 11:37 AM Flag
 

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uh, ok, that wasn't the most sensitive or tactful way to support her growth. really cruel. i have been there with an aunt that i'm really close to. cannot get past her divorce and it was 14 years ago. still cries about it...but that's who she is. it isn't "pathetic". it is like a death forsome people. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.01.08, 11:40 AM Flag
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i understand that but she is my sister and i want her to have a life a full life. i also dont think its fair for her kids to hear how bad their father is. she left her husband and now she has to get help to get over it [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.01.08, 11:42 AM Flag
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well, there would have been better was of helping her [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.01.08, 11:43 AM Flag
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itda!! she's living in a relationship that ended *10 years ago* sounds like she needs to be shocked out of her crippling obsession/depression. good for you, op. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.01.08, 12:33 PM Flag
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You need to apologize, over and over again if necessary. It's one thing to offer a suggestion, or to express sympathetic worry, like to say that you're concerned about her trashing their dad in front of the kids. It's another thing to call her "frightening" and "pathetic." That's not loving and it's not compassionate. You blew up and you need to own it and let her know you love her and you're truly sorry and you'll wait for her to forgive you and you'll listen to what she has to say. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.01.08, 12:11 PM Flag
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i wouldn't even say that you were worried about her trashing their dad. just say you are sorry and that you shouldn't have said those things to her. grovel. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.01.08, 12:12 PM Flag
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Yeah, I agree. Grovel. Later, much later, when you've repaired your relationship, you can earn back the right to express concern about her behavior. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.01.08, 12:15 PM Flag
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First, you owe her an apology. Second, I think there are more productive ways to come at her than to put her down. Maybe ask her what she thinks would make her life better and more fulfilling at this point. Not a joke, but say that you notice she is often thinking about her ex and you worry and would like to help her get to a different point. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.01.08, 12:13 PM Flag
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I guess I disagree with the other responders. Sometimes people need to shaken up to get out of their ruts. I'm sure you have tried to help her and support her for years of this. You can apologize for the way you put it, but she needed to hear this. If she never speaks to you again because of this, she was never going to get over it or change anyway. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.01.08, 12:16 PM Flag
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this is her sister, not some friend. it is important for her to have a relationship with her sister. i wouldn't put not speaking to each other so lightly when it comes to family [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.01.08, 12:18 PM Flag
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I don't think she is taking it lightly. I think it's been 10 years of watching her sister throw away her life. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.01.08, 12:20 PM Flag
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no, i think YOU are taking it lightly. she should apologize. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.01.08, 12:22 PM Flag
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I didn't say she shouldn't. But sometimes even family relationships should not be continued if they are just poisonous. Without someone to constantly complain to (and reinforce her behavior), maybe her sister will meet some new people and finally move on to a positive life. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.01.08, 12:28 PM Flag
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BS. she's enabling her sister by not - until now - telling her the truth, as hard as it is to hear. also, can you imagine the amount of bitching op has put up with over the years??? ugh! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.01.08, 12:36 PM Flag
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Good to see someone agreeing with me (OR). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.01.08, 12:45 PM Flag
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