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06.01.08, 06:02 AM General Topics
10 replies
SO mad. alcohlic brother crashed his car. no collision insurance and now my parents are buying him a car. he lives in their second home and they are essentially supporting him. this has been going on for about three years now. i worry about how much they'll have for retirement since they are supporting him. am i right to worry about this or should i just stay out of it? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 06.01.08, 06:02 AM Flag
 

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Talk to your parents... suggest alanon [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.01.08, 06:03 AM Flag
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i have and they are still in deep denial in some ways. they want him out of their house, but he keeps needing from them. i know that eventually i might have to be the one supporting them if they run thin on their retirement funds. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.01.08, 06:04 AM Flag
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Just keep talking to them... they will come around someday... It's their son, they probably think that they need to support him no matter what. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.01.08, 06:07 AM Flag
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yes, but what about their daughter? i feel completely marginalized. like anyhting i say doesn't matter. they've always given money to his kids for birthdays, etc. for college and for my db's they haven't been near as generous b/c they say "we don't need it". dh makes a million + and i think in the back of their minds they rely on this, but i still don't think it's fair and it's hurtful in some respects. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.01.08, 06:09 AM Flag
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Honestly, it wouldn't hurt you to seek some kind assistance from alanon or a therapist. I'm not suggesting, in the UB way, that you 'need therapy' but what you are dealing with is hard and finding someone to help you deal with your parents/brother might help you. Your parents are deeply involved with your brother's issues and are clearly enabling them. That must be so hard for you on so many levels. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.01.08, 06:12 AM Flag
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no, i think i do need to see a therapist, but i also have a husband that doesn't want anymore time or moeny for that matter wasted on the subject of my brother. dh is angry b/c he wants my parents to get a long term care plan. my parents say they can't afford the extra $500 a month but then they go a buy my brother a car - and so the circle goes. it's very frustrating. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.01.08, 06:15 AM Flag
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np: I know it's really difficult, but I try to look at my two glorious little DC and wonder how I would act if one of them, after all my best parenting and love, ends up a fuck-up. I think many of us would end up acting just like your parents, despite what we know rationally would be best for everyone involved. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.01.08, 06:12 AM Flag
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yikes. Sorry. My bro is recovering now but it was sad and scary while he was drinking. My mom basically said she would not let him be homeless so she did enable somewhat (never bought him a car though) Maybe you can call alanon and see if they can give you some info to pass on to them. Not much you can really do for any of them though. Very sorry. I know how hard this is [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.01.08, 06:05 AM Flag
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there's nothing you can do -- a addict will get help when he or she is ready and really wants it. as for your parents, they sound like classic enablers. Al-Anon might help, but if they're in denial, it's not... Anyhow, just MYOB and see what unfolds... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.01.08, 06:22 AM Flag
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Was he drinking when he wrecked it? How is he not in jail? How does he have a drivers license? Please convince your parents to get him help!!! We don't need another drunk driver on the road. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.01.08, 06:45 AM Flag
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