UrbanBaby

05.31.08, 11:30 AM General Topics
12 replies

Anyone have a DH with anger issues? Tantrums, big rages, etc? Any idea on treatment options ... that is if I can get him to agree to it [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 05.31.08, 11:30 AM Flag

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yep, but mine's been (willingly) in therapy for many, many years - it's helpful but I don't think it will ever fully eradicate it [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.31.08, 11:32 AM Flag

Therapy for many years? Yowza. I guess I was hoping for a pill...Does he still get as angry or has he just learned how to refocus his rage so it does not result in ugly, scary meltdowns? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.31.08, 11:33 AM Flag

There's no pill to take for anger; it generally comes from unresolved conflicts/traumas formed early in life. He definitely is less angry and has learned to channel it and use practical behavioral techniques (walking away, asking for a "calm down" time, writing, working out). He is way better and got better before we ever met and married, but like I said, there's no instant panacea. FWIW, I have a good amt of anger of my own so I cut him slack and give him credit for working on it - that's the most impt thing, imo. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.31.08, 11:36 AM Flag

Thanks. Yes, I agree that the acceptance of the problem and the effort to deal with it is very powerful. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.31.08, 11:37 AM Flag

GL to you - what's your dh's story? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.31.08, 11:38 AM Flag

Explosive anger. Recently in front of my kids. They wept and were very scared for me. I can tolerate a lot but seeing my children terrified like that is more than I can bear. Alternatively - divorce doesn't seem like a great option either. There is no upside here althoguh I am considering therapy for my children. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.31.08, 11:41 AM Flag

has he even acknowledged he has a problem? I think that has to happen if he will ever get better (and then go to therapy or at least find someone to talk to). That's scary. Not arguing in front of our dc is the #1 priority here (we both can scream). [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.31.08, 11:44 AM Flag

Well I differentiate (normal) anger from rage because his rage is uncontrolleable. he doesn't seem to be able to stop himself no matter if the kids are around etc. When we discuss it he always tells me that I am responsible for his tantrum due to whatever it was that set him off. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.31.08, 11:46 AM Flag

ITA - what I meant was that through therapy my dh [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.31.08, 11:51 AM Flag

dh's uncontrollable rage has been transformed into "regular old" anger - it's a watering down of the original emotional state. We've worked towards being able to stop it in front of the dc but it's been many, many years of work. If he says you are responsible for his anger, that is NOT a good sign. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.31.08, 11:52 AM Flag

Thank you so much, you are very helpful. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.31.08, 11:57 AM Flag

Divorce is an option. I was raised by this kind of father. I wish my parents had divorced. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.31.08, 11:58 AM Flag