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05.31.08, 08:06 AM General Topics
54 replies
Just got back from a race my ds was running in and saw the three boys that tease my other child... I wanted to trip them... IS that wrong ? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 05.31.08, 08:06 AM Flag
 

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it is not wrong if you WANT to, it is wrong if you actually do it [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 08:10 AM Flag
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I didn't do it... just thought it... for a long time... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 08:13 AM Flag
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thats fine then :) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 08:14 AM Flag
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And I wanted to say somthing snarky to the mothers... but I stayed silent... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 08:15 AM Flag
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That would definatley have been wrong [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 08:16 AM Flag
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wrong to say something to the mothers ? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 08:18 AM Flag
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It is always wrong to say something "snarky". If you feel it would help the situation to talk to the parents of the other children then do it, but not snarky. And btw, I don't think it helps. And children beg their parents NOT to do this. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 08:28 AM Flag
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You're right, but I reverted to about 9 years old myself for a few moments... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 08:30 AM Flag
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Its not easy, that is one thing I try to remember when teaching my dc. We all (even moms) WANT to smack em upside the head. The trick is to find a way not to. :) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 08:31 AM Flag
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Thanks... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 08:38 AM Flag
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Wanting to isn't "wrong", doing so is wrong. BUT, as an adult I think its always best to keep in mind that no child is perfect, they are all still children and still learning the rules - so I try hard never to get angry with or blame a child even if said child does something to mine that I disapprove of. I change it around and say, this is a teaching moment and I teach MY child the lessons I want - like never let them see you sweat and its not nice to tease people so don't do it AND those boys are not bad boys, they just haven't learned the rules yet. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 08:15 AM Flag
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I think they're boys who are beaten up by their older brothers and that's what I tell my son... they do because they have it done to them... but it's still hard to deal with for me and for him... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 08:16 AM Flag
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What would you say if one was an only? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 08:17 AM Flag
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I would have to believe that someone is "teaching" this bullying behavior... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 08:18 AM Flag
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what is the behavior? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 08:22 AM Flag
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They have a cruel nickname for him that they yell out on the playground and whisper behind his back. They exclude him from the "cool" boys stuff. They make him feel unworthy... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 08:24 AM Flag
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My response to dc is "they can call you a table, but it doesn't make you a table". Seems to work. He laughs, but remembers it in time of need. And unfortunately, there are children who won't ever get to play with the "cool" gang. I recently read a great chapter on this. I think it was in the book Best Friends, Worst Enemies (you should get it) - only 15% of children are popular. That leaves many out. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 08:26 AM Flag
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Thank you... I will look for it. He is a big reader, so that's a great mini-solution... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 08:29 AM Flag
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Its not a book for child, its for parents. Sorry. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 08:32 AM Flag
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I will still look for it, but I bet our librarian has a suggestion about books for him... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 08:34 AM Flag
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I don't know the situation obviously, but not all teasing is bullying in my book. Chilren tease, parents teach them not to. Its pretty common an universal. Bullying otoh is extremely serious and needs to be addressed in a different manner. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 08:23 AM Flag
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What manner ? I am afraid to have them start again by teasing that his mom is fighting his battles... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 08:24 AM Flag
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I think your instincts are right about not talking to parents. Are these children in the same class at school? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 08:30 AM Flag
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yes... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 08:34 AM Flag
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Then the teacher should know if this is typical teasing or something beyond. Have you asked him or her for thier take on it? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 08:38 AM Flag
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The teacher seems pretty much oblivious, but another mom who I adore called the classroom "Lord of the Flies". I guess my kid feels like Piggy as do a few other kids... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 08:44 AM Flag
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People use "lord of the flies" for a reason. The social lives of children are complex. And from what you said below the teacher didn't sound oblivious to me, just didn't say what you were ready or wanted to hear. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 08:47 AM Flag
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I htink she knows my son, but i think she is pretty oblivious to the fact that so many parents are dealing with these same few boys and their behavior toward the other kids. I think she's a bit out of the loop regarding how many people feel like I do... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 08:53 AM Flag
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having said that - it IS the teachers job to create an environment within her classroom that is safe and free of teasing. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 08:54 AM Flag
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sum sum summertime... I think she needs a break and we do too... As Scarlett says, tomorrow (or, in this case, next fall) is another day... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 08:55 AM Flag
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np- well said, i'll try to remember this [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 08:18 AM Flag
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how do they tease him? how long has it been going on? are they all the same age? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 08:18 AM Flag
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[ Removed by moderator ] [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 08:21 AM Flag
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how old- i'm sad now [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 08:22 AM Flag
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eight and nine years... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 08:22 AM Flag
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i cant help you- but i feel for you and your son....... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 08:23 AM Flag
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we go to a very PC school and a very "Let's talk this out. Do you hear my words?" kind of school, so it came as a shock... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 08:22 AM Flag
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how heartbreaking! your poor little guy! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 08:23 AM Flag
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I am ready for summer break... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 08:25 AM Flag
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my son had a problem with a kid teasing him earlier this year. singsong "john has a girlfriend" kind of stuff. my son was mortified and had absolutely no idea what to do. i was so upset on his behalf that i gave him completely opposite of what you're supposed to give advice -- i told him to tease the kid back. we actually worked on exactly what he could say to the kid -- the kid was a rabid yankees, so we told him to say "paul loves the mets" ini a similar singsong voice (and other lame things like that). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 08:27 AM Flag
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^^ rabid yankees fan [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 08:27 AM Flag
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^^ anyway, it worked like a charm. i don't even think he ever in the end used his script or ended up teasing the kid back, but feeling like he had a plan totally turned his confidence around. the kid stopped teasing him, and actually now by year's end is solicitous of my kid's friendship. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 08:29 AM Flag
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^^ but your situation is trickier, because your son's tormentors travel in a pack. can the teacher break them up? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 08:31 AM Flag
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Thank you... I said that one day _ I don't know when, but it will certainly come - he will feel strong enough and confident enough to see himself the way we see him, and at that time he'll be able with a look or a simple word to let them know that none of their taunts mean anything. At that time, they'll just stop. It won't serve a purpose at all... He's still chewing on that one... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 08:32 AM Flag
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The teacher said sshe would watch it, but said that sometimes my DS is so eager to be "seen" and so eager to be recognized that he drives people crazy and becomes a target... I know it is sometimes true, but that wasn't what I needed to hear from her. Like I said, I am ready for summer vacation... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 08:34 AM Flag
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not the most helpful advice from the teacher. do the classes stay the same form year to year? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 08:41 AM Flag
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they reform always since they mix grade levels and kids move around based on socialization and readiness for the ciriculum. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 08:43 AM Flag
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Maybe that is exactly what you needed to hear from her. I posted below. Sometimes to be on our childs team, we can't always be on their side. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 08:42 AM Flag
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also true... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 08:45 AM Flag
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I feel like i know my son... I am not a blinded mom who thinks it's all sweetiness and butterflies with him... but four against one is rough... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 08:46 AM Flag
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Hi, this is going to cause an uproar but here goes. You said your dc has some problems with how to make friends. My dc was picked on in class one year, and then picked on in class the next year by different people. So, as hard as it was - I needed to find out why my dc had a target on his back. As adults we all know the kid in the class that was always picked on and we all know the kid was a little weird. As parents, we don't want to or can't see that our child has things that cause him/her to be the target. So, if this is not the first time, I would suggest you find out what it is about your child that helps this scenerio play out and see if you can work on changing it. Not the exclusion of other things, but in addition. Good luck. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 08:37 AM Flag
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I know my son can be "weird"... He is a kid who is always within the boundaries of normal behavior, but as the boundaries of socialization narrow with age, he always remains just at the edge. nevertheless, I cannot have him bullied... I think I need to figure out better response skills or coping skills... The school shrink says it's all about his age. They mix grade levels and he is usually the youngest in class to keep his brain busy and occupied, but socially I don't think he's hanging... That may the solution there. Demand he be allowed to be a more bored older kid than a challenged younger kid... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 08:41 AM Flag
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Just be mindful. You only have the power to influence what your child does, not what others do. I've btdt. I know how difficult it is not to get your back up and fight the "bullies". But, the most important thing here is that you help your child. And there may be a better way. Again, all the best. It is tough. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 08:45 AM Flag
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Thank you... I think we'll be working it through with our psychologist this summer... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 08:47 AM Flag
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