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05.31.08, 07:28 AM General Topics
23 replies
I am so mean to my DH but he is so stupid. He can not follow simple instructions, can not think for himself and I have lost all attraction to him. I have been trying and am in therapy but continue to think he is such an idiot and I don't know what to do or how I got myself into this. How did I not see this? ANyone else surprised after they got married? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 05.31.08, 07:28 AM Flag
 

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It sounds to me that you think a lot about yourself; in a selfish way, I mean. And maybe that is why you chose a man who doesn't think for himself because then that way, you could call all the shots. Maybe you liked that in the beginning but now that you are maturing, you find it difficult to respect your husband which makes it difficult to respect yourself. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 07:32 AM Flag
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I do not like calling all the shots, never have. I want to be able to trust DH and can not. It's the biggest issue in our marriage. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 07:41 AM Flag
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are you this explicit with your therapist? what does your therapist tell you to do? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 07:33 AM Flag
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I am explicit with therapist. We are sorting it out. DH finally, after 3 years, started therapy. I am trying to not be so angry with DH and his incompetence. Therapist and I wonder if there may not be something wrong with DH, he makes such poor choices. It is very difficult. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 07:40 AM Flag
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what did you see in him when you were dating, why did you decide to marry? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 07:49 AM Flag
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he was fun, interesting, responsible, attractive... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 06:46 PM Flag
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[ Removed by moderator ] [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 06:48 PM Flag
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I don't think so. He has started therapy and my therapist and I are waiting to see if his therapist thinks there is more to this. Sometimes, I think he does this on purpose but he claims no. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 06:54 PM Flag
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Does he seem emotionally flatter than he used to? What does he think about all your anger and frustration? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 06:56 PM Flag
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He doesn't get upset with me. He says he understands my frustration but doesn't know why he does these things. He constantly apologizes and says he won't do it again, but does. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 07:03 PM Flag
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He's either completely repressed or has some kind of mental problem. If he constantly sits on his anger, that could depress his mental function or lead to unintentional passive-aggressive behavior. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 07:06 PM Flag
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That's an interesting theory that I know he would deny. We were in therapy together at one point but stopped because all we talked about everyweek was his relationship with his mother. She is crazy control freak. Do you think this could lead to unresolved anger and passive aggressive behavior? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 07:08 PM Flag
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was he a rebound relationship? i know pp who have DHs like that. they're the sweetest pp but i can see anybody getting annoyed with them for that long. hopefully your thereapist can help you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 10:19 AM Flag
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he was a rebound. What does that have to do with it? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 06:46 PM Flag
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what are some examples of what he doesn't do properly? (my own dh is asking after i read him the post-- he really wants to know) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 10:25 AM Flag
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I give him simple instructions. For example, drop DD off at swim class and go across the street to store and get one of those soccer balls we saw last week as it is only store open at that time and we need the ball for a gift. DH forgets that I told him this, goes to another store that is closed across town. He calls me after swim class waiting outside of another store that is still closed wondering what he should buy. I am annoyed because now he is late and by the time he gets home after going back to the original store to get the ball we will be over an hour late to the party. I could go on & on. He's ruined clothes, smashed cars, gotten so many speeding tickets, etc. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 06:52 PM Flag
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Your example is completely inconsequential. Then you say "smashed cars" and speeding tickets. Seriously, is something wrong with his brain? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 06:55 PM Flag
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The example I gave is something that annoyed me today. It was such a simple task and I gave clear directions. He forgot about them until he called me. This happens all too often. Yes, he has gotten into several car accidents that he hide from me, one with my car. He also hid the speeding tickets. He also gets obsessed with buying things. He was an ebay addict at one point. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 07:06 PM Flag
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maybe he has add [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 07:07 PM Flag
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maybe. I thought about that but he has a good job and manages to focus on that. He lies a lot as well. He is better about that then before because of the therapy but I feel like I am married to a 12 year old. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 07:10 PM Flag
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is he adhd? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 07:06 PM Flag
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Y'know. You sounds like kind of a nag. Maybe he just does it to piss you off. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 07:15 PM Flag
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lol maybe but if I am a nag, pissing me off more wouldn't make DH's life any better. Wouldn't it be better if he avoided us? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.01.08, 06:21 AM Flag
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