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05.30.08, 14:27 PM General Topics
39 replies
Do you think that if your mom stays after the birth of your baby, your MIL should be able to? I don't think so. [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:27 PM Flag
 

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no. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 02:28 PM Flag
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General Topics 05.30.08, 02:29 PM Flag
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what about if dh does? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 02:30 PM Flag
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General Topics 05.30.08, 02:31 PM Flag
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np. He is the father though. Sometimes you have to play happy families. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 02:36 PM Flag
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I agree, but not right after you've given birth and you're recovering from major life change, hormones, etc. Maybe after a couple of weeks -- signed a mom who loves her MIL, but needed the space anyway. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 02:38 PM Flag
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this is not the time for a new mom sacrifice her sanity for the sake of family. If she is ok with it, that is one thing, but I wouldn't do it just to play "happy family". There will be MANY other times for that. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 02:38 PM Flag
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General Topics 05.30.08, 02:42 PM Flag
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ITTTTA and wonder who are these people who don't [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 03:35 PM Flag
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But in my experience, and I had both stay after dc's birth, your own mother is there to help YOU, whereas your MIL is there to be with the baby. My mom would cook, clean, help with laundry, go out to buy me maxi pads, whereas my MIL was offering to hold the baby so I could do housework. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 06:22 AM Flag
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you are wrong. a horrible DIL imo. this is just as much the husband's family as it is the wife's family [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 03:38 PM Flag
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Then yes she has exactly the same relationship to your dc as your mom does. I would treat them the same however I have a great MIL!!! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 02:33 PM Flag
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this is crazy - one is your mother, one isn't. treat them differently. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 02:34 PM Flag
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but the baby is the grandchild of both - be fair [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 02:37 PM Flag
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what's fair is that the mom has been carrying the child and is going to be nursing the child and needs some help from someone. Its not about the child at that point. The infant won't remember who was there. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 02:39 PM Flag
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General Topics 05.30.08, 02:41 PM Flag
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np: i adore my MIL and one reason is that she always let my mom come first when my babies were born. "at a time liek this, a girl wants her mother." [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 02:39 PM Flag
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I think if you have the space it's a nice thing to offer. Make it clear that you need help, not someone else to wait on. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 02:30 PM Flag
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i think its up to you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 02:31 PM Flag
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General Topics 05.30.08, 02:35 PM Flag
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i think that it is her grandchild too, yes [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 02:35 PM Flag
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ita, your husband wants her to be involved. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 02:39 PM Flag
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General Topics 05.30.08, 02:43 PM Flag
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np: They are so not equal, and fwiw, when you're having a baby, your word is law. Dh better just stand back and negotiate. Any mil who thinks of her own stuff at this point is just an idiot, imho. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 03:31 PM Flag
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but it's not about the grandchild, it's about the recovering MOTHER at that point [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 03:36 PM Flag
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I think it depends your relationship with them and DH's. in our family, DH is just as close with his parents as I am with mine. I couldn't have both staying becuase I don't have the room or the mental health for that. But if my mom stayed and my MIL said she wanted to come and stay, I would find a time for her as well. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 02:39 PM Flag
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Not necessarily. My MIL would not be welcome (she's pretty horrible) but she wouldn't really want to be here in the first place. She's too self absorbed and refuses to change a diaper. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 02:42 PM Flag
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General Topics 05.30.08, 02:59 PM Flag
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how long does she want to stay? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 03:17 PM Flag
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General Topics 05.30.08, 03:27 PM Flag
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^^^ spend with my family, but that's what happens when you have just one kid and don't bother to find a companion of your own. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 03:28 PM Flag
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You sound awful. how easy it would be to be nice and include her. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 05:57 AM Flag
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My mil didn't see the diff between her daughter's births and mine, and it was really offensive to my mother. She got to the hosp first and told the front desk that she was my mother, so when my mother got there they almost didn't let her up to maternity. wtf, mil, boundaries, pls! It def didn't stop there, btw. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 03:30 PM Flag
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itttttttta! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 03:40 PM Flag
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no way - and if dh has surgery on his genitals and has to walk around half naked, sleep deprived and bleeding for several weeks, my mom doesn't get privileges for that either. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 03:34 PM Flag
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Ha! My dh *had* surgery (not on genitals, but he was getting cancer cut out of his body for chrissake) and his mother chose to go to Vegas instead of coming to the hospital. *My* Mom came to the hospital, though. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 08:45 PM Flag
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This thread makes me grateful for my MIL. She totally got that my mom should come out first. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 03:39 PM Flag
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No, but this was a huge point of contention for me and dh and mil. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 06:18 AM Flag
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I don't think it's right. It's just a different relationship that you have with your mother than with your mother-in-law. The first few days/weeks after giving birth aren't easy physically or emotionally. My mom stayed with us after both kids were born. MIL came to visit often but did not stay. She was actually really helpful the second time around bc she asked what she could do to help and I told her it was really important that she make #1 feel important, so she would come and take him out for special outings to the zoo, toy store, etc. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.31.08, 06:27 AM Flag
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