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05.30.08, 13:21 PM General Topics
16 replies
ILs are not very nice to me and I'm pretty resentful of them. I manage to keep a little distance from them which makes things manageable but I am expecting a baby any day and I know they are going to want to visit a lot, etc. What can I tell myself to keep from wanting to kill them? Something positive and nice, not "get over yourself" please? As much as I dislike them I want to give them a fair shot to spend time with their granddaughter (but I really do hate being around them). [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 01:21 PM Flag
 

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just remember than in a year or 2 they will be free babysitting! ;-) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 01:21 PM Flag
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how are they not nice to you? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 01:22 PM Flag
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they are judgmental of what I eat while pg, talk about me behind my back and say things that aren't true, they are very nosy, mil says a lot of snide things. just trust me when i say they aren't very nice. other people notice it, including dh. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 01:25 PM Flag
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np - think of a bunch of brush off comments to make when they do the passive aggressive judgmental thing. "well, it wouldn't be the end of the world in any case." or "dh and i never noticed. i guess it just hasn't bothered us." or "time will tell." but also be sure you solicit some advice and don't appear to reject everything they say. sometimes just smile, nod your head, and just keep rocking the baby. maybe when they talk too much, just hand them the baby and go do something else. think duck, water. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 01:28 PM Flag
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You are me and I am pg too! I am so sorry, I know how it feels. Hate being around them and do everything to avoid it. I pretty much just ignore everything they do and say except when they really cross they line. Sometimes they (esp MIL) needs to be stopped. She thinks she say anything she wants about anyone and it's ok. She is extremely condescending and passive aggressive. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 01:38 PM Flag
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so why doesn't he say something [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 01:42 PM Flag
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oh, he has. she acts like she doesn't get it, tells him she doesn't remember having said such and such (even when dh himself heard it, etc). she also told dh that she "never has her feelings hurt so she doesn't understand when she's hurting other people's feelings." (i could give about 1,000 examples of her having her feelings hurt of course). all of this is kind of beside the point. she was a good mom (or at least raised my wonderful dh) which is what I'm trying to focus on now but it's been incredibly hard. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 01:47 PM Flag
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i am not crazy about my FIL and the only thign that helps is to tel my self that a good relationshipwith him is a gift to my children, and tha ttheir relationship with him isn't mine. soi get outof thewya and let them be ahppy togethr. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 01:25 PM Flag
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[ Removed by moderator ] [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 01:27 PM Flag
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i try, but its hard. he makes me bnuts [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 01:29 PM Flag
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;-) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 01:31 PM Flag
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for a long time i would only let them visit when DH was around. They saw that how they treated me had a direct impact on the amount of time they were able to spend w/ our DS. I refused to let DS witness them treating me w/ disrespect. They are a lot better, and we see them more often now, w/ and w/out DH around [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 01:30 PM Flag
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op: i have some concern that i don't want dd to hear the way they (mostly mil) talk to me and think it's OK, but I guess we'll cross that bridge when she's older [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 01:32 PM Flag
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or - i disagree. we (mostly) nipped it in the bud now. My Grandparents were awful to my mother, and it negatively impacted my relationship w/ them (gps) to the point where I refused to see them. Resented my Dad for letting it happen. Refused to live it again [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 01:38 PM Flag
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it's time you get some nads and bark back at them. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 01:41 PM Flag
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i have recently (as has dh, see above), but i am very doubtful that it will help. i think they will be fine with dd but not to me. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 01:49 PM Flag
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