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05.30.08, 09:18 AM New York City
39 replies
BTDT moms pls help: 4 YO DC is so jealous of baby cousin it's becoming a problem. Goes to kiss him and shakes with nerves. Asked to be picked up and coo-ed to, cries if cousin puts a toy of his in mouth, gets needy and insecure. We did a lot of prepping, and praise, etc...any tips? Many TIA [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
New York City 05.30.08, 09:18 AM Flag
 

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General Topics 05.30.08, 09:22 AM Flag
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op:yes [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 09:25 AM Flag
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how much time do you spend with this cousin? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 09:25 AM Flag
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a couple of visits a week [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 09:26 AM Flag
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i'd bring a toy along for your 4yo to play by himself. sit him down and let him get busy with his own thing. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 09:31 AM Flag
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ugh. tell him to grow up! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 09:28 AM Flag
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this is a silly response. would your response be the same if the new baby were a sib and not a cousin? OP, my dd, an only, went through this when her cousin was born (dd was 3.5 at the time). we encouraged dd to play the big sister to her little cousin, involving dd in big sis-type activities -- singing the baby to sleep, helping to soothe her when she cried, helping to stand guard at the changing table while her cousin had her diaper changed. instead of feeling displaced as the baby in our extended family, dd felt responsible for the baby in her own right, and that being the older child afforded her with the opportunity to care for and teach her little cousin. now, nearly four years later, they truly have this big sister, little sister relationship, with not a hint of jealousy or rivalry. it's wonderful. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 09:37 AM Flag
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np: this sounds so odd to me. it sounds like both you and the op have incredibly anxious children. it's a cousin. you are going to visit. i don't see the big deal. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 09:39 AM Flag
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op: OK, so maybe my kid is anxious about this. 'Not anxious in general and you sound really helpful. Any other pearls of wisdom you'd like to share or are you done being an ass...? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 09:44 AM Flag
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General Topics 05.30.08, 09:48 AM Flag
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this advice only works assuming that OP and her sibling (or sib in law) don't want the kids to develop a very close relationship. if they want the kids to have a chance to be really close, then they need to help the older child warm up to the baby, just like you would an older sib and a new baby sib. otherwise, you're right -- it really doesn't matter. but if a lifelong close relationship is what they're trying to foster, then telling the older child to just deal isn't particularly good advice, imo. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 09:52 AM Flag
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i think the best way to let the older child warm up to the younger child is to just let it develop. it sounds like she built this whole thing up and told her dc it'll be fantastic and that he/she will take care of the baby etc. and it's making the kid overwhelmed. they can have a close relationship anyway, but it can grow at its own pace. obviously the way she built this up was not the best way to introduce this to her child. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 09:54 AM Flag
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okay, but it is what it is now, right? so my advice was meant to offer guidance on how to resolve what has already become a problem. she can't undo what's done. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 09:57 AM Flag
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yes, she can undo it. next time she goes, let it be a visit between her and her sister, bring a coloring book or some stickers for her 4yo and don't push the baby onto the 4yo or vice versa. ease off. take the focus and the pressure away. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 09:59 AM Flag
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you know what? this response is completely different than your response above that started out "sounds like both you and the op have incredibly anxious children. it's a cousin. you are going to visit." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 10:03 AM Flag
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ok. i hear that. sorry it sounded harsh. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 10:05 AM Flag
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In some families, a cousin is almost like a sibling. So children can have the same issues they would if there were a new baby at home. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 09:54 AM Flag
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i don't think it matters. she built it up into a big thing and it's obviously not working. so let her ease back, let the relationship develop at its own pace. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 09:56 AM Flag
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op: we didn't build anything up. We talkied about it. Obviously, a child cannot have a problem adjusting and the mother cán't be upset, according to you. It's tense for everyone in the room when it hapens and I was looking for advise. I guess you and yours are all so rational and cool you can't relate. Apologies. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 09:59 AM Flag
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i am trying to help. i offered what i thought was a very reasonable suggestion up above and you didn't respond to it one way or the other. so i'll just reiterate and then you can decide what you want to do. i think your child is overwhelmed with the situation .i think the best thing to do is offer a distraction and be much more casual about the baby and not try to make the baby into a big thing. good luck with whatever you do. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 10:01 AM Flag
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blah blah blha. get a life lady. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 09:39 AM Flag
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clearly, you're not that close with your siblings or your nieces or nephews, or you wouldn't respond this way. my dd is an only, as is my sister's dd, and it's important to everyone, including the kids, that they are close and have access to each other. your response, and the one above you, is ridiculous. my dd isn't anxious at all. her cousin is the closest thing she has to a sibling. don't tell me you've never heard of an older child feeling displaced by a younger sibling when the baby is born. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 09:44 AM Flag
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omg, bfd. again, the answer is, tell the 4 yo to grow up and be nice to the baby or leave it alone. end of story. I am an only with an only btw. My dd loves her cousins and I don't have to go on and on about it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 09:49 AM Flag
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you don't any real experience with sibs then, do you? and maybe you don't care whether your only develops a sib-like relationship with a cousin. but i do, and OP seems interested as well. perhaps if you considered someone else's perspective, you'd check your bfd tone. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 09:55 AM Flag
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zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 09:57 AM Flag
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extremely helpful. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 09:59 AM Flag
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General Topics 05.30.08, 09:50 AM Flag
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Yes but it's not quite the same between cousins as opposed to siblings. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 09:52 AM Flag
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who are you to say that it's not the same? i grew up with two sibs and my dd's relationship with her cousin is definitely similar. every relationship is different -- none is the same, sibs or no sibs. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 10:01 AM Flag
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you are losing sight of the OP. tell the 4 yo to get over it and move on. no one gives a rats ass if your cousins are sisters or BFFFFFFFs or whatever. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 10:03 AM Flag
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are you this bitchy in real life? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 10:06 AM Flag
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only to morons [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 10:14 AM Flag
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now you really hurt my feelings. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 10:32 AM Flag
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What I mean is that it cannot be exactly the same in that they are not living in the same house, spending 24 hours (more or less) together. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 10:18 AM Flag
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of course not, and i never said it was. i don't see why it's so difficult to accept that there are other points of view on this subject. the other poster (i'm assuming it wasn't you) is so intent on making this a non-issue when clearly, it is an issue for some. but i guess to her anyone who actually has a different perspective on this is nuts. whatever -- OP, i'm sure things will improve with your dc and the baby. good luck. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 10:31 AM Flag
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Does it matter? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 09:39 AM Flag
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what kind of asinine response is this? obviously OP to OP. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 09:45 AM Flag
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^^obviously OP's extended family matters to OP, or she wouldn't have posted asking for advice. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.30.08, 09:46 AM Flag
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Can't you bitches offer some help? if not leave her alone. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.02.08, 06:49 AM Flag
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