< Return to Talk
05.29.08, 19:09 PM General Topics
49 replies
my mother in law is hurt that i do not want them staying with us right after i have the baby. it is our first born for petes sake! stay in a hotel. thats what my family is doing (though my mother will most likely stay with us...). both sides live on the east coast and we are in San Francisco. Am i being unreasonable? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 05.29.08, 07:09 PM Flag
 

Dear UrbanBaby community,

Thank you so much for being a valued member of the UrbanBaby community. We wanted to inform you that we are shutting down the site on July 6th. We are grateful for your participation and support that has helped make UrbanBaby such an important resource to parents for many years.

If you have any questions or concerns, you can email us at urbanbaby-support@cbsinteractive.com.

Thanks so much,

UrbanBaby Support

»
no. good for you for setting boundaries [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.29.08, 07:09 PM Flag
»
ita. This is what we did and it was best for everyone. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.30.08, 01:13 PM Flag
»
have your mother stay first and then have MIL come after... [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.29.08, 07:09 PM Flag
»
yep, that's what we did. place also in SF. just not big enough for that many ppl anyway. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.30.08, 06:04 AM Flag
»
ditto. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.30.08, 07:20 AM Flag
»
i'd say it depends on the size of your house, unless they can have a comfortable space and be out of your way, I'd say you are not being unreasonable [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.29.08, 07:10 PM Flag
»
totally reasonable if they would be sleeping on the couch, but not so much if you have a guest space [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.29.08, 07:10 PM Flag
»
the guest room will now be the nursery and the onlyother place to stay is a pull out. i baically just don;t want her here. i don;t trust that she will know when to leave me be. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.29.08, 09:13 PM Flag
»
For family's sake I would have the same policy for both sides of the family. If your mom gets to stay your MIL should too (not at the same time of course). [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.29.08, 07:10 PM Flag
»
agree- MIL was more help than I could ever imagine [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.29.08, 07:12 PM Flag
»
ditto. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.30.08, 07:20 AM Flag
»
i don't know if you are or aren't but as the mother of three boys, knowing that some day my grand children will be born and wanting so much to be there and being the second class family member as the mother of the groom will be tough. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.29.08, 07:11 PM Flag
»
it is tough. my mil has only boys and it is a constant struggle, but i can;t help that. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.29.08, 09:12 PM Flag
»
um, of course you can help it. you're the very reason it's a struggle. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.30.08, 01:20 PM Flag
»
i might say that your mother is staying from this date - this date and that she could stay with you after that OR she could stay in a hotel [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.29.08, 07:13 PM Flag
»
Not at all. Your mil is. She should stay in a hotel and come over during the day and you will welcome her. Better she be miffed about the hotel then you be upset when you hormonely lash out at her because she is constantly in your space. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.29.08, 07:15 PM Flag
»
my thoughts exactly. i feel like this is my time. it is my first child and i really just want my husband and my own parents around at first. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.29.08, 09:11 PM Flag
»
np: Just be prepared that she will never forget this. It might be worth the fact that she never forgets it, only you can determine this. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.30.08, 06:46 AM Flag
»
OR: i really get this, just had my first db 3 wks ago. You have to let your in laws come by but you are really not obligated to have them at your house. If, as a below poster suggested, MIL can't get over this, then she has bigger issues and it would've come to a head sooner or later. There is a reason that passage from Genesis goes . . .And a man must leave his mother and cleave to his wife . . . .it's not leave his mother and then she gets to come back when they have a baby and be annoying : ) gl! [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.30.08, 01:16 PM Flag
»
this is a ridiculous response. family is family, you don't just drop your mother once you get hitched. of course grandparents want to be involved. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.30.08, 01:21 PM Flag
»
i'm not saying they shouldn't but i think it's unreasonable to expect a new mother to host her MIL riht after giving birth. You don't have to host your parents. You DO have to host your in-laws and that is not what you want to be doing with a new baby [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.30.08, 01:25 PM Flag
»
thank you! [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:26 PM Flag
»
who cares what MIL thinks, now is the time to ignore her.. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.30.08, 06:00 AM Flag
»
^trust me, I just had db 4 wks ago and ILs were out of control, you have to be clear about what you want and don't let them run you over [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.30.08, 06:01 AM Flag
»
how were they out of control? it was likely your hormones that were a tad sensitive. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.30.08, 01:22 PM Flag
»
yes, that is so rude. it's your dh's parents for crissakes. suck it up [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.30.08, 06:05 AM Flag
»
look, she already has her mom coming and has a pull out bed only. her mil can suck it up and stay w/her in a few weeks. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.30.08, 06:07 AM Flag
»
yes, of course the inlaws have to wait their turn. OP can't host everyone at the same time. but they should certainly be invited to stay at their home [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.30.08, 06:09 AM Flag
»
[ Removed by moderator ] [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.30.08, 06:11 AM Flag
»
That is not fair that your mom gets to stay. Either your mom shoudl go to a hotel or your MIL shoudl get to stay. It does suck for you, but it's the right thing to do. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.30.08, 06:26 AM Flag
»
i disagree. my mil is out of control already. i asked her to wait and she insists on coming right when the baby comes. we will have a night nurse on top of this. it is just too much. my parents will be here and his parents can either wait to come or stay in a hotel. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.30.08, 06:42 AM Flag
»
np: Diva! [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.30.08, 06:47 AM Flag
»
trust me- you have not met her. dh and i rented a house on block island and they were coming for 1 weekend and ended up staying FIVE days. i am not the diva... [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.30.08, 07:01 AM Flag
»
I'm talking about having both your parents and the night nurse. You think you want this, but that's a LOT of people to have around right after the baby is born. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.30.08, 07:02 AM Flag
»
night nurse, eh? there goes my sympathy for you. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.30.08, 01:05 PM Flag
»
OR. From your MIL's POV she doesn't see why your Mom gets to come and she doesn't. In any case, I would get rid of the night nurse and bring her back after the party is over. All the visitors (read: your MIL if you find her annoying) will make you tired. You'll be forced to become confident caring for the baby and then you can truly enjoy the break. Please remember you had the baby and don't cook, serve, etc. I did and I have no idea what I was thinking. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.30.08, 07:19 AM Flag
»
NP: you must have sons to think that this is ok. Your mother in law and your mother dont get put on the same level and dont have equal "right" to be there [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.30.08, 01:18 PM Flag
»
NO... but your dh should be the one dealing with them...it's his responsibility, not yours... [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.30.08, 06:50 AM Flag
»
thats a good point. i should just remove myself. he thinks they should stay in a hotel too- i need to let him fight this one. thanks. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.30.08, 06:58 AM Flag
»
I have very "present" in-laws... call constantly, need constant input, think nothing is an imposition... and my dh handles the situation. I think it really is the only way to keep the peace between me and them since no matter how long I'm married (11 years now) he is still theirs and "bad" news should come from him... [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.30.08, 07:01 AM Flag
»
i think you are really wrong. this is your husband's mother! of course she feels like this. how would you like it if your DC grows up and marries someone and then tells you to huff it in a hotel when your grandchild is born. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.30.08, 01:16 PM Flag
»
I don; tthink you can expect to stay with ANYONE right after they deliver a baby. she has to understand that. and to say that she can stay just because my mother can is not a valid point. they are not on the same level. a fact is a fact. and the night nurse is not comin guntil 2 weeks after the baby....though we may not need her, it is a wait and see thing. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:24 PM Flag
»
it is a valid point. she is your husband's mother and your child's grandmother. i hope i never have sons if they can marry women like you. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.30.08, 05:17 PM Flag
»
I hope my son doesn't marry your son ! [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.30.08, 05:31 PM Flag
»
oh please. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.30.08, 06:36 PM Flag
»
Why can't it be a compromise? First your DM stays from this to this date. Then your MIL stays for the next stint. Lord knows, your'll need the help. Just be understanding and put yourself in your MIL's shoes. She wants to be part of her grandchildn's life! Be reasonable. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.30.08, 01:18 PM Flag
»
i told her she can stay with us if she wants to come later. but i do not want them there the minute i get home from the hospital on my pull out. but she wants to come for the labor. so she gets a hotel. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.30.08, 02:25 PM Flag
»
you're being a little touchy, but i get it, it's your first, but just know that they're thrilled to the bones as well and want to be around to help. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.30.08, 01:19 PM Flag
»
I don't think so. I didn't set boundaries and wish I had. I didn't know how tough it would be to have my mother stay with us. good luck. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.30.08, 04:39 PM Flag
Refresh » New Post »
Select Category
close [X]

close [X]

Select a Category (only 1)

category
Stages
Regions