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05.29.08, 12:47 PM General Topics
27 replies
for the first time ever my 3 y.o ds referenced a kid on his soccer team, as a "black boy." i talked to him about not referring to people by their race, but wondering if others have btdt and have better advice. thanks [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 05.29.08, 12:47 PM Flag
 

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black mom here; PERFECTLY FINE to adress people by race, honestly, trust me. i am proud that your son KNOWS races! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.29.08, 12:49 PM Flag
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^^what is disturbing perhaps is if he says "hey black boy!" but if it's "mom, you remember chad? no? the black boy?" that's fine [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.29.08, 12:50 PM Flag
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really? why is it necessary information? what difference does the kid's color make? by the way, i have noticed our nanny, who is black, always refers to folks by their color (which is where i think ds gets it). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.29.08, 12:51 PM Flag
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yeah, people of color tend to reference people by color because race is very salient in our lives. it's like hair color. we aren't uncomfortable with it. it's not UNnecesary info, either. i think u are mapping your concerns onto ds where there shouldn't be any yet. i could tell u a funny story about my classmate who was all of 9 years old before she 'learned' that i was black. and she kinda sorta freaked. hilarious. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.29.08, 12:53 PM Flag
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that is funny. i was just hoping to keep him color blind for awhile. i guess it's just a matter of time. i'm glad it's cool for him to specify! thanks for your input--if i had a black and white cookie i'd hold it up to you! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.29.08, 12:55 PM Flag
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no no no colorblind is NOT the way. please, do me this favor white mom. don't encourage colorblindness. i know what you are trying to do, but seems to me like ds is really progressing well and u shouldn't be afraid that he sees race. he doesn't see INEQUALITY, he just sees race. that is BEAUTIFUL! you don't want him to say "you're my friends because i ignore this huge part of who you are". he says "you're black, indian, korean, you're my friends. i'm a white boy. let's play" [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.29.08, 12:58 PM Flag
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very cool insights. i'm so glad i posted. i'm actually producing a doc now called black in america and it's been a huge learning experience. thank you again! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.29.08, 12:59 PM Flag
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that sounds so rewarding. really, ds will be so much more comfortable with HIS race if he feels it's ok to acknowledge race in other people. the problem with racism is most white people are so uncomfortable with race that they can't even deal. ds is waaayyy ahead of the game. and keep that nanny! lord knows i don't need another black woman losing a job because of something i posted on UB :) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.29.08, 01:01 PM Flag
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^^from stephen colbert: "i don't see race. i only know i'm white because police call me sir" [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.29.08, 01:07 PM Flag
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np now that is funny [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.29.08, 01:08 PM Flag
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np I think you are a very wise woman. Wonderfully said! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.29.08, 01:02 PM Flag
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it's a simple DESCRIPTOR! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.29.08, 01:03 PM Flag
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it's just like noting hair color to me. black mom [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.29.08, 01:04 PM Flag
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My 4 yo DC occasionally refers to someone with "dark skin" as an identifier and she adores her cousin who is biracial (and looks it) and talks about her beautiful curly hair, etc. but I was hurt and shocked when we happened to be sitting in a restaurant near a table of very dark-skinned people and she spontaneously told me she thought they were "ugly" because they were too dark, that light skin was prettier. I lectured her on how skin doesn't matter, etc. but it still bothers me. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.29.08, 12:58 PM Flag
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yeah, see to me this is diff from pure racial identifiers (black mom above). you're definitely right to let her know the whole good skin bad skin thing is wrong, but seeing different races and ethnicities is a quality, not a setback [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.29.08, 01:00 PM Flag
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I totally agree with you. My DC is Asian, and she is aware of race tho has never been bothered or judgmental about it before. Has said cute things, like she wished she had curly hair like an AA kid in her class or her cousin. I honestly think she was just talking (like telling me my brown dress is dull and her pink skirt is prettier, which she does all the time), but it shocked me and led to a lecture on how all people are beautiful. That is really a more accurate response I think, since I agree to acknowedge the difference is fine. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.29.08, 01:09 PM Flag
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she prob was just talking, now that you mention that. watch for patterns though! i would definitely make sure i compliment different ethnicities of people when i am out with her, though.. lol and not in some exotic "oh, can i touch your afro" way either. we black people hate that :) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.29.08, 01:11 PM Flag
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My DD happened to sneak a peek at an old SATC episode with Miranda and neighbor Robert kissing. I asked her what she thought of that-she said what? I said because the girl is white and the man is black. She said I don't think it matters mommy--we're all the same on the inside. It's one of the smartest statements she's ever made--she is 6. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.29.08, 01:10 PM Flag
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you let your 6 yr old watch that episode! lolol adopt me please, cool sexually liberated mom [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.29.08, 01:11 PM Flag
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I made her close her eyes where there was any real nudity or sex scenes. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.29.08, 01:21 PM Flag
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damnit, you're a total wet blanket :) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.29.08, 01:22 PM Flag
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why would you ask that? do YOU have a problem with it? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.29.08, 03:02 PM Flag
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you (meaning adults) are the one that has a connotation associated with race and color. he is pointing out that he is black- just like a crayon or something. perfectly fine. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.29.08, 01:12 PM Flag
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np: i think her ds is smart enough to know race. i think he's pointing out that he's black and we as adults think that means he's pointing out inequality or something inappropriate. he's saying he's black. he is black... or brown like a crayon, black like a racial category [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.29.08, 01:14 PM Flag
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Its not big deal. Kids notice differences - who is big, small, has long hair, short hair, etc. Race/color is just another descriptor. Its the adults that make describing someone by their race taboo. Why make him color blind - would you want him to not notice other things about people? (black mom whose dc talks about her friends who are vanilla, chocolate or strawberry (??) all the time) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.29.08, 02:49 PM Flag
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One of my son's two teachers is black and they spent a day with paint chips deciding what color everyone was... it was so matter-of-fact and "everyone is some color" that I was happy i send him to the school/// [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.29.08, 02:59 PM Flag
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that school needs to get a new colors instructor [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.29.08, 03:11 PM Flag
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