UrbanBaby

05.29.08, 10:58 AM General Topics
20 replies

I am sure i'll be flamed for this. I am asian and I feel bothered by seeing white couples with adopted asian children. I know intellectually that these kids will have much much better lives then they would have in their home countries, but deep down I feel this deep rooted hostility towards the parents. It's like the child's culture will be completely erased. And when I hear about how these parents "teach" their kids about their culture, I just think to myself "Don't kid yourself. It's NOT the same thing." It's very irrational of me, I know, but it's hard to let go. It makes me sad. [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 05.29.08, 10:58 AM Flag

Dear UrbanBaby community,

Thank you so much for being a valued member of the UrbanBaby community. We wanted to inform you that we are shutting down the site on July 6th. We are grateful for your participation and support that has helped make UrbanBaby such an important resource to parents for many years.

If you have any questions or concerns, you can email us at urbanbaby-support@cbsinteractive.com.

Thanks so much,

UrbanBaby Support

I see what you are saying but just look at the bigger picture. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.29.08, 10:58 AM Flag

well, that's what i am saying. i know it's irrational and i know that the children will have better lives but i still feel this way. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.29.08, 11:00 AM Flag

maybe you should take it upon yourself to adopt a few Asian children and teach them about their culture properly [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.29.08, 11:03 AM Flag

if i couldn't have children, we would have adopted a chinese baby, no question. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.29.08, 11:04 AM Flag

i think i see what you mean. and i never said this here b/c i know i'll get flamed and possibly even insult some people. but there's something that always felt almost sancimommiesh about adopting children from a different culture. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.29.08, 11:06 AM Flag

OP, then start a foundation that gives these kids back their cultural heritage. Do something, don't just whine abou tit [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.29.08, 11:10 AM Flag

you see, that's my point. you can't LEARN culture like that. it's something that you are raised with. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.29.08, 11:11 AM Flag

Well, not necessarily. You can convert to judaism through classes that teach you about culture and rituals [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.29.08, 11:13 AM Flag

lol. do you think a "real" jewish person thinks that someone who converted as an adult is a "real" jew? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.29.08, 11:15 AM Flag

good to know. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.29.08, 11:35 AM Flag

yes, they think of them as real jews. that being said, there are a lot of nuances to a culture (as opposed to a religion) that are hard to pick up. judaism is a religion, you can teach it to someone. you can teach about a culture, but you can't learn a culture unless you live it. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.29.08, 11:46 AM Flag

not asian, but I agree with you. as an adoptee, I always feel a loss for them as they will mourn the loss of their heritage and any knowledge of who their birth family was [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.29.08, 11:11 AM Flag

that is good to hear. it's not like i am saying "white people shouldn't adopt other kids of different races" it just makes me a little sad. either way i still think that you have to have a lot of love to give if you are willing to adopt a child. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.29.08, 11:16 AM Flag

I don't think your point of view is crazy; I might feel the same way in your shoes. Does it help when you get to know the white families who have adopted--and see that they're doing their best? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.29.08, 11:32 AM Flag

i know they are doing their best and that these children will have much better lives with their parents than if they were in China. it is entirely irrational of me, i know and i would never begrudge anyone of their decision to do this. i know a friend of mine who is white might adopt a chinese baby if IVF falls through and I 100% support it. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.29.08, 11:36 AM Flag

actually, htye may not have "much better lives" I can't stand that rationale for adopting. Who aer we to say that because someone has more money or material things, etc that it makes it much better? The child will suffer that loss, and bear that with them for their life. Many have abandonment issues, whether ackowledged or not. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.29.08, 11:38 AM Flag

it's really not about the material things. i don't think a child without parents will have a very good life in China, or any other 2nd or 3rd world country. it's bad enough in this country, where there are laws set in place. these children would have HORRIBLElives in their home countries if no one adopted them. i am not saying that children who grow up with parents in these countries will have better lives if they lived here [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.29.08, 11:43 AM Flag

My neighbor adopted a Chinese girl and has a major holier than thou attitude. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.29.08, 11:16 AM Flag

By attitude, I mean she had to travel around the world for her dd and all I had to do was push an 8 lb baby out of my vagina. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.29.08, 11:17 AM Flag

you shouldsay to her "wow. glad i didn't have to do that" [ Reply | More

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General Topics 05.29.08, 11:22 AM Flag