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05.27.08, 23:24 PM Toddler
16 replies
Expecting mom here. After reading about all of the insanity we good parents go through of trying to get a good education for our dear children here in NYC, and the dedication / time / stress and tole it takes on our families -- financial as well as psychological -- it's gotten me really worried. The sheer extremes which seemingly sane parents are willing to go to to in order to get the best edu for their DC(helicopter mom, faking addresses, begging officials, telling their four year olds to lie during interviews) makes me wonder how DH and I will face up to this task when the time comes. We are very middle income, and I'm still working on trying to propel my own career to a better place. Also, reading the various posts brings up my own sadness of not having had more support from my parents during my education. We are immigrants, and I navigated the educational system completely on my own -- first grade through college-- simply because dear parents didn't know how to navigate the american educational system (not to mention they had bigger fish to fry such as surviving in a new country with two little kids). Anyway, any comforting worlds of wisdom out there from parents who made it through the fire without losing their minds and their shirts? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
Toddler 05.27.08, 11:24 PM Flag
 

Dear UrbanBaby community,

Thank you so much for being a valued member of the UrbanBaby community. We wanted to inform you that we are shutting down the site on July 6th. We are grateful for your participation and support that has helped make UrbanBaby such an important resource to parents for many years.

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UrbanBaby Support

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yes, from me. don't worry- just follow your way and you'll be fine. you don't have to do all of that, just be present and loving and involved with your kids and they'll do great that's all they need. public schools are fine at worst and great at best, small apts. are fine. workign and focusing on your career is fine- just love your kid and it'll be good. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 11:27 PM Flag
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dear poster, I think I love you. I feel (a bit) better already. **sigh** [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 11:36 PM Flag
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OP: Also, in all honesty, I can't help but have feeling of envy toward families with more options for their children financially. Of course, I know this is not healthy, and the grass is always greener. "Walk a mile in their shoes etc". I know it's super important to find one's own strengths regardless of one's economic position. I also am aware that my feelings are the result of growing up as an immigrant in this country, and often feeling very limited in my options. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.28.08, 12:08 AM Flag
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I take issue with the statement "public schools are fine at worst." Our zoned school is one of the schools being closed for lack of performance. I think this poster may be able to afford to choose where she lives, but most New Yorkers do not have this luxury. OP, you will read the worst of our neuroses on this board, but you may also get some good information. The wisest thing you can do is try to live in a good school zone, if possible, and with this backup you can explore other options. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.28.08, 03:33 AM Flag
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^^^ Look for schools with happy teachers. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.28.08, 04:00 AM Flag
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you were cut off. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 11:30 PM Flag
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OP here, Yeah it does cut it off, but if you click on the original post, you'll be able to see my full neurosis disclosed. :-) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 11:37 PM Flag
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well, I can offer you no better advice than the first poster. I think i love her too. good luck and try not to lose perspective and your sense of humor. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.28.08, 12:04 AM Flag
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^^^A sincere "thank you" to you. Yes, thank god for humor and perspective. It's my and my DH's savior. Thank goodness we're pretty funny (and humble, ha ha). Maybe our DS will end up a great comedian, and help us all relieve the tension... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.28.08, 12:14 AM Flag
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I read your second paragraph. We moved to ny long ago just so that our son could attend Stuyvesant High School. Could barely afford the apartment and moved even before he test in. It was a blind leap. Well, he broke their math curve and got to go to school there. It was a great experience for him. And we survived financially. Try not to worry too much. It really does all work out in the end. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.28.08, 12:21 AM Flag
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parents who are really sane will not go through or do the things you listed (faking addresses, begging officials, telling kids to lie, ect). I'm as sane as they come and didn't do any of that. I'm not middle class (but more lower middle class) with 2 dc and one on the way. The school situation is what you make it. If you don't freak out and are yourself you will have an ok time through the process [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.28.08, 03:55 AM Flag
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I think we do need to beg officials, the way the budget is being cut is disgraceful [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.28.08, 05:04 AM Flag
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dear new poster, thank you for responding. If you don't mind, I'd love to hear a bit more about how you got through it with 2 dc (and now a third on the way.) Like how did you handle early childcare, and how did you approach finding a good school for your first two. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.28.08, 07:31 AM Flag
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we live in the age of anxiety, and parents freak out over everything. if it isn't one thing, it is another. have your db and put this out of your mind for now, since when your dc is old enough to go to school, it can all be different. and, as a parent, follow your instincts, since you know what is best for you and dc. someone gave me this advice when my first was youngest, and it has held true for everything we have done so far. gl with your db [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.28.08, 07:33 AM Flag
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^^^op: Yes, I totally agree. I've been thinking this through more rationally. And you know what it comes down to one always wanting more than one's got. Example: My grandfather died in the seige of Leningrad by the germans in WWII. Left my father's family destitute. Dear fatjer done great for himself and is a hero [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.28.08, 11:52 AM Flag
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...is a hero in my eyes. And here I am worrying about my DC getting into the top school before he's even born. I'm getting infected with this crazy anxiety that doesn't let people live content lives. So I'm officially refusing to partake in it. I'll do my best for DB, and the rest, I'll leave up to the universe. Thank you all for posting. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.28.08, 11:54 AM Flag
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