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05.27.08, 18:54 PM General Topics
58 replies
is it spoiled of me to want a car in new york city if i'm married (i.e. my husband thinks its spoiled of me)? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 05.27.08, 06:54 PM Flag
 

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what do you need the car for? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 06:55 PM Flag
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op: i don't need it. i guess to go out of the city once in a while. to take day trips. to visit friends. to go shopping. like that. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 06:55 PM Flag
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rent a car then or sign up with zipcar.com [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 06:58 PM Flag
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there are none in the summer unless way in advance [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 07:00 PM Flag
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Rent a car. You don't need to buy a car, pay for parking, and pay insurance for an occasional trip. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 07:02 PM Flag
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does it matter how much the hhi is? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 07:03 PM Flag
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NP: not really. wasting money is still wasting money, it just isn't as noticable as quickly. and wasting money is a big reason that many people who used to be wealthy are no longer wealthy. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 07:14 PM Flag
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not only that but it's a headache and a half to keep track of the car, maintain it, wonder if it's getting towed, wait 4 hours for it to be "unparked" from the garage it's been in for 3 months and then it won't start because the battery died. Just plan ahead and reserve one in advance - you can always cancel. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 08:15 PM Flag
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I don't get this post. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 06:55 PM Flag
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i'm trying to see if i'm being completely unreasonable. i went to rent a car this weekend, and it was impossible. there were none left. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 06:57 PM Flag
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Well, duh. It was a holiday weekend. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 07:26 PM Flag
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np: what does this have to do with being married? and fwiw, just b/c you planned poorly last weekend doesn't mean you need to have a car at your disposal 24/7 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 08:17 PM Flag
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Try the airports, [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 11:18 AM Flag
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depends. do you have to commute out of the city? we had a car when we lived in the city but we went to the burbs a lot to visit our family. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 06:55 PM Flag
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i don't commute out. my parents live in the burbs but only part of the year. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 06:56 PM Flag
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what has being married got to do with anything? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 06:56 PM Flag
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op: i know. i know. my dh is saying that i'm spoiled for wanting a car, and i guess the marriage part is the compromise. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 06:57 PM Flag
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did you have a car when you were single? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 07:13 PM Flag
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i did. but i commuted out of the city. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 07:15 PM Flag
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If you are used to having it and are sure you will get your money's worth out of it I would push the issue. It is a money suck though so make sure you will use it enough otherwise you won't hear the end of it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 07:19 PM Flag
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i won't get my money's worth out of it. i offered to rent one just for the summer. then i think i would. he said no to that too [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 07:21 PM Flag
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ita. does she mean that dh also has a car, so she wants her own car too? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 06:57 PM Flag
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op: lol. no. dh doesn't have a car. says we can't get one. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 06:58 PM Flag
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btw, nothing wrong with having a car in the city. frankly, i can't imagine being without. renting a car each time you want to do a day trip seems like such a drag. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 06:58 PM Flag
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op: that's what i'm saying, but my DH says no. this weekend, i took the train with 2 kids. i'm 40, and we can certainly afford it (or as he says, he can afford it), and he says no. that i'm spoiled. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 07:00 PM Flag
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I don't get it -- what does it have to do with being married? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 06:57 PM Flag
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op: i guess the marriage part is whether i'm being unreasonable because i want the car, and my dh says NO, and the question is whether i'm being unreasonable in the marriage [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 06:59 PM Flag
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we always had a car in the city, even before dd. just great to have. if it doesn't cause financial hardship why not? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 06:59 PM Flag
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he says no. that it's like throwing out money. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 07:01 PM Flag
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what does being married have to do with it? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 07:06 PM Flag
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because my dh is saying no and that i'm being spoiled and unreasonable. if i wasn't married, i could decide on my own if i had a car or if i can afford it, but because i'm married, i'm not able to make that decision. does that make any sense? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 07:08 PM Flag
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do you have your own money? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 07:09 PM Flag
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i do. but, due to household expenses, i do not have enough to have a car. if he contributes more money (which he said he will after i have threatened to leave), then i should have money to buy a car. of course, i will resent it any time he wants to take a ride with me. which is just crazy. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 07:12 PM Flag
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if he has all the power, you have to do what he wants. if you have some power, you have to care what he thinks. If you don't care what he thinks, do what you want. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 07:16 PM Flag
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i care what he thinks. that's the part that is making me miserable. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 07:17 PM Flag
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well, if you care what he thinks, you respect his opinion. maybe he is right. maybe you don't want to say no to yourself, and it's easier to blame him. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 07:25 PM Flag
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op: maybe, but i want a car, and if he said, okay, i would be really happy. it's not that i would put a car before college or summer camp. my dh makes a VERY good salary, and i work too. a car would be amazing to me. why can't i have it? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 07:29 PM Flag
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Listen to yourself. Just because you want something doesn't mean that you need it or that it makes sense to get it. Set aside your feelings about your DHs idiocy and think about why you want a car and if you really need it. If you can't articulate a reason why you should have a car, other than "I'm 40 years old and I want it", maybe you should rethink your decision, especially if you are also thinking about getting a divorce. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 08:02 PM Flag
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you sound like a child. Your Dh had valid reasons for not wanting one, and your response is I want one becuase I want it and it will make me happy. You're an adult, you should realize that we don't always get when we want just becase we want it. grow up. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 11:10 AM Flag
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i just read your comments below and I understand a little more about where you are coming from and DH may not be right in this situation. But you need to find a better way to articulte your position, becuase if this is the way you present it to DH you just sound like a whiny spoiled child. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 11:14 AM Flag
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It's not just buying the car - it's parking it (at least $350 a month below 96th St) or parking tickets if you don't keep it in a garage; maintenance; insurance and gas. If you don't need it, it's really is a waste of money. We have one, but we need it b/c DH works in NJ 3 days a week. Seriously, sign up for Zipcar and start planning ahead. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 07:18 PM Flag
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ok you're whole dynamic sounds f-ed up. He says NO, you threaten to leave if you don't get want you want. Unless you are going to use the car to get to some kind of couples therapy, I say no. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 11:08 AM Flag
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I don't know, are you someone's child? Or a pet? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 07:17 PM Flag
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honestly, i know i may sound pathetic to you, but i'm having a difficult time. a very difficult time with this. if i wasn't, i wouldn't be posting. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 07:20 PM Flag
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NP: The way you've expressed yourself is very odd. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 07:27 PM Flag
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Ok, fair enough. Sorry so bitchy. I don't think it's unreasonable at all. It sounds like it's important to you, and like maybe you don't have a lot of other avenues for asserting your freedom and independence right now because you are making sacrifices for the family, so he should stop being such a controlling dick and "let" you get a damn car. Get something cheap that will have low insurance, and maybe show him on paper places in the budget where you can make room unless there's tons of money and he's just being a douchebag and then I say if you're 40yo go buy yourself a car. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 07:27 PM Flag
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op: now....i'm smiling. he's a douchebag. i'm 40 f'in years old. he makes $1 mil/year, and i work full time and take care of the kids. and, what's upsetting me is that i am like a child here. and, that i put myself here. so, i'm trying to legally separate, but these are the issues that are coming up and i need some perspective. so thanks. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 07:31 PM Flag
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btw, did i tell you i was 40? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 07:32 PM Flag
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yes i did. thanks. and good night. really. thanks. if i was my daughter, i would have said the same to her. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 07:43 PM Flag
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Lol, yep up above. Just remember, control is an illusion - he only has it if you let him. Sad to have to think that way, but this sounds like an ongoing dynamic. If you want the car, go buy the car yourself. You're an employed adult and you're responsible for other humans' well being and if a car that your family can afford helps get that done, so be it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 07:48 PM Flag
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Your dynamic with your husband sounds very weird to me. Why is it a matter of you asking him and him saying yes or no, rather than you both discussing it and reaching a decision? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 07:29 PM Flag
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op: exactly. the decision is his. the answer is no. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 07:31 PM Flag
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That's creepy. I'm a DH, and that's creepy to me. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 07:32 PM Flag
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op: it's creepy. it is. it's just not marriage is all, and truthfully, it's sad more than anything else. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 07:34 PM Flag
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Sorry to hear it. Hope you can knock some sense into him. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 07:41 PM Flag
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we just finished the 3 year lease on our car and after three years it only had 9k miles on it . . . we were in a similar situation and wanted a car for weekend trips out of the city and our place in CT but in the end it really was a waste of money. 500 a month for parking plus 800 a month for the car itself (yes, we probably could have gotten a cheaper car) and now- we have decided to try this year without a car and see how things turn out. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 11:05 AM Flag
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800 a month for a weekend car? are f-ing kidding me? We pay like 290 for our CRV which is more than adequate for weekend trips. Seriously rich people are just looking for ways to throw away their money. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 11:16 AM Flag
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what kind of car do you pay 800 month for? that's insane. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 11:17 AM Flag
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