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05.27.08, 13:56 PM NY Schools
24 replies
Deep down, how many people are willing to admit that hoping for acceptance at a particular school is as much about them (e.g, to say "my child goes to Anderson or Dalton") as it is about their child? (particularly at the elementary school age). How many people feel that people would think "her kid couldn't cut it" or "couldn't get in" if you enrolled your child in zoned school and not g&t? Anyone else willing to admit it? Honestly I think my kid would probably be equally fine in zoned, G&T and most privates. (probably slightly better in TT or Hunter)but I am shooting for higher things at least in part for my own ego. [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
NY Schools 05.27.08, 01:56 PM Flag
 

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I like you. I think the fact that you are honest with yourself means that you are actually quite level-headed and down to earth. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 01:58 PM Flag
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not necessarily at all. she is admitting she is a narcissistic mother, but is not changing her approach to her dcs. not sure that qualifies as down to earth and level headed frankly [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 02:15 PM Flag
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op: situation is neutral for the child (I would not pick a bad situation for him to fill my own needs)so I don't think I am doing him any harm (and I am thankfully keeping all hint of my anxiety from him) But I will accept the narcissism barb. What I question is whether I am truly unique. Aren't we all living out Touqueville's Self Interest Properly realized? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 02:24 PM Flag
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that's one way to rationalize it! way to go narco mom! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 02:53 PM Flag
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of course. I want what is coveted, in part to say we made the grade. I am sure the schools are not all that different, but I want to validate my dc and hence myself. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 02:11 PM Flag
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op: I agree with the self validation aspect. What is ironic is that some would accuse us of trying to live through our kids--a comment that is often (unfairly or not) leveled at SAHMs. But I work full time and I am pretty successful professionally, so I get a lot of validation from that too. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 02:14 PM Flag
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np: the truth is [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 02:15 PM Flag
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so zen! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 02:26 PM Flag
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Both for middle school and for K, I sent ds to a less prestigious school (where he was accepted) because I felt it was a better fit. But for a long time I felt compelled to say, when people asked where he went to school, "oh, he got into X, but we decided to send him to y instead." [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 02:51 PM Flag
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You need to take some pride in your own children's accomplishments, talk to any adult whose parents weren't invested in thier success and you will see that is far more damaging to a child's self esteem than being over invested. However, you also need to respect that your children are not just mini yous and you have to have their best interests. For example I would send my DC to our zoned shcool over NEST because I don't think it would be good for her. On the other hand, I'll probably tell everyone I meet that she did score high enough. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 04:31 PM Flag
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I think this is true for most of us, at least a little bit. It's true our dc aren't Mini-Mes, but they ARE part of us, so it seems only natural that their accomplishments make us feel proud of ourselves too. Don't you think so? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 04:51 PM Flag
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We worked through that one. We decided that though we have a good shot at NEST, our zoned gen ed is as good if not better and that we don't really care about bragging rights. We have faith that our dc doesn't need a "peer group" or some other stamp of approval. He's a great kid. He'll do fine at a school that makes sense for him, not that makes sense for us. I want him to be around all kinds of dcs, not some phony "peer group," particularly when it's at a school that seems, frankly, troubled. Everyone is entitled to their choice. Ours is our gen ed. GL to all. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 04:54 PM Flag
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You are lucky that your gen ed is as good if not better than a selective citywide school. Therefore, it's easy for you to dismiss "peer group" as irrelevant or silly. For those of us not so lucky, these are factors (peer group, class size, enrichment opportunities) that actually ARE meaningful and important ... not silly at all. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 06:05 PM Flag
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I totally agree. If you live in a great zone, it may not matter. But for us and for many other families, G&T is the only chance for our kids to get decent education... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 06:39 PM Flag
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so you make enough money that you don't qualify for fa at a private but not enough to live in a good zone? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 06:41 PM Flag
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NP: there are a LOT of people who meet that description! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 07:27 PM Flag
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but aren't there cheap rents in great zones like bay ridge, etc.? it's just that no one wants to live there, and no one wants to send their dcs to school with poor children of color, either. they expect the doe to solve their problems for them and then are outraged if the doe can't or won't. i'm not saying there aren't huge problems with public education in general in nyc, but you kind of have to take what you get and not expect much else even if you're convinced dc is a little brainiac. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.28.08, 04:36 AM Flag
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^or alternately, work to make your zoned school better. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.28.08, 04:43 AM Flag
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another one here. staying local, going for quality of life. I'm not convinced even brainiac kindergartners need to commute to school, or even need to be separated out. (fwiw my DC does seem to be a brainiac, at least in some ways, but we'll see what happens over the next few years. somehow people in NYC seem to have become hysterical about "serving the needs" of incredibly gifted children...who all just happen to be concentrated here and can't possibly go to gen ed...I got sucked into that vortex too for a while but trying to set aside most of the insanity for now. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 07:24 PM Flag
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ditto. and ittta with you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.28.08, 04:29 AM Flag
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It really isn't at all about me. Our zoned school sucks and so do our options for zoned G&T. The atmospheres at the schools are unwelcoming and unresponsive to parents and some don't have any of the "extras" If I lived near a good zone school I'd send my dc there and forget about the whole G&T thing -- I actually hated the whole idea of testing a 4 yr old. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 09:03 PM Flag
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My oldest is now 13 and I'm starting to hear the same conversations that I heard about kindergarten again, but now about college. I moved to the suburbs to escape the competitiveness (in part) and now I hear about parents who won't let their kids take non-AP classes b/c it affects their GPAs. And I wonder the same thing: do they want the Ivy for the kid or for the back of their car? You need to get callused to others' opinions now b/c it only gets worse. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 09:12 PM Flag
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In NYC, schools have been dropping the AP designation from their classes so that teachers (and students) can have more leeway in the curriculum of the class - including going beyond the regulated AP curriculum. Maybe an upshot of that happening is also so that the kids will choose classes that they want to take, instead of being pushed by their parents into taking AP-AP-AP. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 09:51 PM Flag
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^^^Having said that, of course many NYC parents are just as competitive as their suburban brethren in getting their kids into Ivies. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 09:52 PM Flag
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