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05.27.08, 06:40 AM General Topics
45 replies
I went to a very exclusive private school on scholarship. No one "knew", but I also didn't get a fancy car for 16th brithday or go to Europe every summer or even have a live in housekeeper. Don't get me wrong, I got a fabulous education which has served me well in life, but if you think just becuase you can get your kids into a fancy school and figure out a way to pay for it that they will be happy there you are wrong. I was reminded everyday that I didn't have money and it sucked. [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 05.27.08, 06:40 AM Flag
 

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do you have money now? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 06:41 AM Flag
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not like those kids I went to school with. I am a professional and DH is a professional, we have a HHI of about 275k, which I think is comfortable, for where we live now. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 06:43 AM Flag
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You also need to realize that not everyone feels that way and with the price of tuition there are plenty of people who earn in the 300K range who pay for private, but for whom it is a stretch and they do not go to Europe every summer or have live-in help. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 06:44 AM Flag
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"you" may not, but I am not talking about how you or I would feel as parents I am talking about how my child wold feel as a 15 yo girl who sees her friends getting everything they want and she can't or worse, being consdiered the FA kid, becuase she doesn't have what they have. You are looking at it from the mind of a rationale adult, not a teenager. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 06:47 AM Flag
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Again, not all teenagers get everything they want either because tuition is a stretch (as it is for many many people), or because of values. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 06:50 AM Flag
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and...you comment doesn't address the issue. Just becuase there will be a group of poor FA kids for the rich kids to pick on doesn't make it any better. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 06:54 AM Flag
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Are you not reading the comment. Not all the kids who don't go to Europe every summer are on FA. There is a wide range of people who send dc to private and many are not uber rich. Of course many are, but there are a large percentage who are not. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 06:57 AM Flag
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[ Removed by moderator ] [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 06:44 AM Flag
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[ Removed by moderator ] [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 06:47 AM Flag
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If it doesn't work for you, that's fine, but for some kids who may or may not be have nots in public school anyway, this is a great opportunity for them to succeed. It can present them with opportunities (or attention) they may not have had in another setting. (Honestly, I think middle school and high schooolers can be cruel anywhere whether wealthy or poor, and as a high achieving black student it was better for me to be among wealthy kids than poor black kids who would have taunted me for "acting white" for trying to do well in school. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 06:50 AM Flag
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I thought unless you can fill there multi racial quota - you will not get accepted being white when there are so many white/caucasions with mney and good score so there's no need to accept a white family needing financial aid. If I'm not right then tell me which school, a dd or ds, how much financial aid, what were the test scores? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 06:49 AM Flag
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Of course it is harder to get FA when you are white, but not impossible. We got FA and were told that, yes, diversity helped us. That said I know several white families who get aid. Look at CGPS b/c they give a lot of aid 40%. Also, MCS is on a sliding scale. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 06:51 AM Flag
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what does CGPS stand for and MCS? which schools are these?' [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 06:54 AM Flag
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Columbia Grammar and Prep School and Manhattan Country School. Rather different schools and you may not like both, but it is worth checking it out. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 06:56 AM Flag
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thanks appreciate- your ideas. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 06:59 AM Flag
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Your welcome. Also, Cathedral School gives about 33% of their students aid. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 07:03 AM Flag
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^^^ you're [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 07:04 AM Flag
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^^^ also, no school want all the FA kids to be children of color, so some white kids do get aid at all privates. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 06:55 AM Flag
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OP: I am talking about my experience, as a student, which was about 20 year ago. I have no idea what the quotas and stats were then, nor do I know what they are now, since I have no intention of sending my kids to private school.. But you sound a little defensive no? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 06:53 AM Flag
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^^^their [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 06:53 AM Flag
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This was my experience as well. I HATED high school because the social stuff was hard since I was in such a different place financially. In hind sight, though, I'm glad I had such an amazing academic experience. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 06:51 AM Flag
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ditto. as my mom said, it was "character building." lol. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 06:53 AM Flag
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op: I agree, it was character building, but it was High School not the Marines. I would liked just to fit in a little better. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 06:56 AM Flag
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I hear what you're saying, but I don't know if that's really possible in high school. There are always the cliques and the Queen Bees, regardless of whether it's a wealthy private or a huge public. I guess at least at a big public you have the chance of getting lost though. If you talk to a lot of people, they hated high school -- and they didn't go to an exclusive private. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 07:01 AM Flag
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Exactly and there was class warfare at my public just as intense, if not more so, than what OP describes. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 07:02 AM Flag
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NP: Maybe, but in some of these private schools, the "upper class" is so much higher than you can even contemplate it if you're not a part of it. The people I went to school with (not in NYC) had private planes, boats, etc. It was a different world. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 07:04 AM Flag
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I agree. But for me, in my school, there was a definate line between the rich kids and the FA kids (the only kids that weren't "rich"). I guess, if you went to a public school where everyone was of generally teh same soci-economic background there would be other reasons for kids to single each other out. But for me, I would want to make it easier for my child, not intentionally give her more obstacles. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 07:04 AM Flag
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Having been solidly middle class at a private school with the town royalty, and therefore one of the "poor" ones though I was not on FA, I hated high school and middle school but still think the education was worth it. I am sure I would have hated them regardless which was my original point. I think a lot also has to do with the kids's personalities. I would have been a geek anywhere, and I was taunted at private, but probably would've gotten my ass kicked at public! lol. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 07:09 AM Flag
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^^^kid's, not kids's -- so much for private school. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 07:10 AM Flag
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Heh--my parents really didn't get that money was such an issue among students. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 06:57 AM Flag
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op: this was the point I was trying to get across. as a parent you don't neccessarily get the class "warfare" that goes on, as a former kid who lived it, I wouldn't want to do that to my kid. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 07:00 AM Flag
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Gotcha. Exactly. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 07:02 AM Flag
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But you will not avoid that by going public either. Most publics in good areas also have very wealthy families and kids competing for stuff. Fancy vacations, cars etc. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 07:05 AM Flag
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yes, there are definately people of different incomes there, but in a public school that draws from the community, eveyrone there is a little more euqal just by virtue of living in the same community. You don't have kids with private jets and kids who need to take the bus. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 07:09 AM Flag
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Exactly. One of my high school classmates had her own private island in the Bahamas (or her family did). For real. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 07:12 AM Flag
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Are you serious? Come out to Westchester. DH and I were house shopping the other day in Chappaqua. THere are gorgeous estates as well as townhouses. The townhouses go for 669K (not cheap, imo) but they are not very nice. We thought about how hard that would be on a kid to go to school with the children of celebrities (lots live in Chappaqua) and be living in the townhouses. Believe me, the disparity exists outside of private schools. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 07:16 AM Flag
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I try to impress upon my DD that there will always be someone that has more than you and always someone that has less than you, and that it is really pointless to think about what you "don't have" and appreciate what you do have. It's a hard lesson to learn, esp. in the NYC metro area, but it's really necessary. There is too much focus and high value placed on materialism, especially in NYC/NJ/CT area and not enough emphasis on character and morality building IMO. At the end of the day it is all "stuff" and what's really important is personal character, integrity, family and relationships. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 07:18 AM Flag
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and then they all held hands and skipped down the yellow brick road! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 07:25 AM Flag
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np: She is right. We live in Manhattan, and there are plenty of people that have a lot more, and plenty who have a lot less. It's a lesson kids have to learn sooner or later. Sooner is prefered to me. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 07:28 AM Flag
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np: i have a sibling in HS in the burbs and believe HS anywhere is character buildings. teens are brutal! I remember thinking it was hell ( and i was popular kid) went to small suburb school which was considered great. HS sucks! But i hope dd gets a great education no matter where she ends up [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 07:03 AM Flag
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Exactly! I think everyone wants the best for their kids. We all have diff't ideas of how to get that though. Good luck to everyone. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 07:18 AM Flag
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i hear what you are saying. but i don't know how much it applies today. for a couple of reasons. i work in a school where a good number of the kids are really wealthy. but even the unwealthy kids now can do a lot of stuff the wealthy kids are doing. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 07:06 AM Flag
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but this is true at public school too. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 07:30 AM Flag
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I went to a TT girls' school here in NYC about 15 years ago. In my class of about 40 girls there were amazingly wealthy families, many affluent families, many on FA, and a ton in between (including many not on FA who were really struggling). My family made too much to receive FA, but not enough that tuition for 2 girls was not really, really hard. Money was an issue in our family, but was never one at school. Some of the most popular girls were on FA or struggling--and several of the girls were had the most difficult time socially were extraordinarily wealthy. Money was not a factor in popularity or how one was treated. Did I have classmates who took stupendous vacations and have several vacation homes? Sure. Did I have classmates who lived in sprawling, beautifully appointed apartments while I lived in a shoe-box? You bet. I babysat for ALL my spending money (including clothes) while one or two others used their mother's charge cards. I was still popular, made good grades, and was included in everything. When the subscription charity balls rolled around, we borrowed dresses from each other and pooled our resources to buy tickets for a friend who really couldn't afford it. Frankly, I remember one really good friend of mine who got to do everything for free (whereas I had to sometimes sit things out) b/c other people's families would pay her way. By middle school, her mom just assumed that an invite to do something meant that her expenses would be covered (special clothing included). My family was too proud--so I would turn something down if we could not afford it. That was our choice--and that is life. My parents felt and cared about the income disparity FAR more than I did. No one ever teased or made me feel less than because of it. My friends were still my friends. I have spoken with my former classmates about these issues recently, and they all felt the same way. This does not mean that everyone has fond memories of school--some people felt the cliques were terrible, but admit that money did not play a role in this equation. I had many friends in the suburbs who were far more materialistic than we were in the city, so I don't buy this whole thread. Does it happen in NYC? I'm sure it does--and I do think that this day and age is more materialistic than when I was in school. I do not think that the issue is as simple as public vs. private, though (in a good, thoughtful private school that is well run). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 01:41 PM Flag
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Money matters just as much, if not more, in a suburban school. Just ask a kid (or his mother) in the tiny house on the "wrong" side of town. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 01:43 PM Flag
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