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05.26.08, 12:20 PM General Topics
37 replies
Long story (I can give more details as needed), but basically, my mother (an only child) inherited money in trust for her 3 children (me, my sister, & brother). She never even spent the interest, was very diligent about protecting it, & as a result, it's a few million, which she & my dad will leave to OUR children (with us as trustee etc. - same way her parents did). Not a ton, you couldn't live off it by any means, but it's enough to help. My SIL wants to be named co-trustee of her children's share. That's not how my g'parents did it, and not how my mom wants to do it. SIL is throwing a fit. I think my mom is reconsidering for that reason. Thoughts? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 05.26.08, 12:20 PM Flag
 

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Well, SIL needs to back off. The money is a gift. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 12:21 PM Flag
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ita. can you talk to your brother about this? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 12:22 PM Flag
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op He sort of shrugs - says he's fine with mom's plan, has talked about it to my mom (they have a very good rela), but also says his wife is "hurt" by the "slight" etc. Clearly wants it to blow over. My mom is very good to my SIL, careful to treat all kids equally (for ex, gave my bro & SIL the same amount they spent on mine & my sister's weddings, even tho SIL's parents paid for the wedding, b/c they felt they wanted to give equally to all). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 12:26 PM Flag
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I just don't understand why she considers it a slight. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 12:32 PM Flag
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"Do you really think I would EVER do something to hurt my own children? Do you really think I would STEAL from my own children? WHO BETTER to make decisions about how to use the interest than their OWN MOTHER? So I'm NOT really a member of this family after all??" etc. etc. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 12:35 PM Flag
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She sounds like a winner. Can you be frank with your brother and tell him that if SIL doesn't cool it, she's jeopardizing the gift for everyone? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 12:36 PM Flag
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Honestly, I think this is making my mom worry about her intentions. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 12:38 PM Flag
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I posted below...I actually see SIL's point if it's irrevocable. I mean, if something did happen to your brother, who would act as trustee until their kids reach maturity? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 12:40 PM Flag
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It would be her, and one other family member (prob. either me or my sister) as co-trustees. The trust document already names her as trustee in the event of death, & the lawyer & my parents asked her who she would like to be co-trustee with her if my brother should die. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 12:41 PM Flag
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np. Then I can't really see her problem. I think she is being unreasonable. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 12:44 PM Flag
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Plus, it's not like my parents are naming my husband as co-trustee! All the kids are treated equally, ALL our spouses are in the exact same position, all our kids get the exact same thing, etc. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 12:45 PM Flag
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She is causing trouble within the family when really there are no grounds. It is your parents decision at the end of he day but I don't think they should be bullied by her. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 12:47 PM Flag
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I think what bothers me is that my parents are not rich people - they could have used the interest, they probably needed it, but they didn't, b/c they wanted it for their kids & g'kids. They are so kind & generous that I feel the only thing to do is say "thank you" & be quiet. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 12:52 PM Flag
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np - Absolutely. It's a gift on their part. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 01:01 PM Flag
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np: i see her point (or her problem, as you put it). but i think she's being foolish for making a stink about it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 12:49 PM Flag
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no, do not give into her tantrum. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 12:22 PM Flag
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np: no what? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 12:24 PM Flag
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i don't understand, is the money ever to be used, or just keep passing down to each generation? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 12:25 PM Flag
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np: I don't get it either. So op's grandparents left her money, but she will never get to use it--but her kids will? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 12:28 PM Flag
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op The trust language is that it can be used for the children's benefit, broadly defined. My parents could have used it to pay for our college, medical care, etc., but they didn't b/c they wanted to protect it for *our* kids. They want the same idea to be passed down - it's there if you need it, it's a safety net, but if you don't need it, give it to your g'kids, because that will take a burden off your children's minds (about planning for college etc.). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 12:28 PM Flag
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what does SIL want to use the money for? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 12:29 PM Flag
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She wants to be named co-trustee of the money. My parents want to do what my g'parents did with them: name my brother (the child) as trustee, and the spouse as co-trustee (with another family member) in the event of death. The g'kids vest into the principal at 35. My g'parents each had a horrible divorce before meeting each other (he was actually my mom's step-dad, not bio dad), & so named her as sole trustee, even tho they loved my dad - b/c they knew that divorces happen, that the interest could be mis-used, etc. My SIL wants to be named co-trustee (not have my brother as sole trustee of their kids share), AND be sole trustee in the event of his death, with no other family member as co-trustee (to observe her handling of principal etc.). My mom doesn't want to do this, in part b/c her own parents told her to never do this. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 12:34 PM Flag
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NP: Wouldn't his will determine who the sole trustee is in the event of his death? Why does it have to be specified now? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 12:35 PM Flag
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B/c the trust is irrevocable - you set it up, and nothing can ever change it. You put the assets into it, & don't really own them anymore, etc. So the trust document itself has to provide for who becomes trustee in the event of death. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 12:37 PM Flag
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Oh. In that case it seems reasonable to me. She's not going about it the right way, but I can understand that. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 12:39 PM Flag
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np: SIL is either a drama queen or think a divorce is in their future. Maybe both. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 12:43 PM Flag
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ita [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 12:44 PM Flag
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Makes no sense and I see SIL's point. THe money is being wasted, not used. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 12:55 PM Flag
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No, wasting it would be blowing it on vacations and home additions, instead of keeping it as a safety net for future generations. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 01:02 PM Flag
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on the one hand, i'd say that it's your parents' gift, they can set it up however they see fit. But on a practical level, i'd probably set it up so that the principal is set up for the kids and can't be touched but the interest is spendable at the discretion of the trustees and that they should make both parents trustees. jmo. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 12:27 PM Flag
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NP: But what possible reason is there for naming both parents as trustees unless SIL is worried about divorce (in which case she definitely shouldn't be able to put her hands on it) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 12:34 PM Flag
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it could be she's insulted. she just wants to be considered as the responsible parent, not as the wife of the man in charge of the money. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 12:36 PM Flag
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*eyeroll* [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 12:49 PM Flag
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i just posted above. i think she's foolish for making a stink. but i do see her point. it's like giving a wedding gift to your child but only making the check out to your child, not to the mr and mrs. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 12:53 PM Flag
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No, it's not. It's inherited money, which often is just in control of one spouse - this type of trust is not uncommon, and many times the grandparents retain control of how the money is to be used. SIL should shut up and be glad it doesn't come with more strings. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 12:54 PM Flag
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So does anyone ever get to spend the money? Or is it always left to the children, who leave it to their kid's kids? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 12:53 PM Flag
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Your SIL is an ass. Plain and simple. I have been through estate issues which family friends and friends have been through and what I've learned is that A) you treat each child equitably; and B) you don't bring in-laws into it. And, according to my rules, your parents are spot on. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 01:00 PM Flag
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