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05.24.08, 08:57 AM General Topics
58 replies
Why do people make such a big deal about having a "gifted" child. I went to Stuyvesant for HS, would have probably been considered gifted, but my parents didn't sit around wondering what to do with me. Have lived a totally normal life. No one cares if you were gifted as a child [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 05.24.08, 08:57 AM Flag
 

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Your family cares. It makes them proud. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.24.08, 09:07 AM Flag
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Well, good for you. But there are others with difficult issues commonly facing gifted (highly gifted above 99th percentile) - often physical issues, that some people are dealing with. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.24.08, 09:07 AM Flag
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If you were well accommodated by Stuy, you are fine. There are very few, I admit, kids who have real issues, especially in lower grades... and have worse school options. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.24.08, 09:09 AM Flag
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I was a gifted child whose parents sat around and talked about me. I dropped out of college at 20, worked retail for years, had a baby. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.24.08, 09:08 AM Flag
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Case in point. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.24.08, 09:09 AM Flag
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And I have friends who were similarly "gifted" and I'm one of the successful ones. Really, really sad. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.24.08, 09:11 AM Flag
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That's a common mistake parents of gifted dc's make. They assume gifted means successful or no need to care about dc's academics/social & emotional needs... Many consider gifted under special needs and while most gifted dcs do fine, few (especially those at the top of the gifted scale) really struggle and are more likely to drop out of HS or college, etc. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.24.08, 09:13 AM Flag
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The main problem that I saw was just the pushing. We were supposedly smarter so therefore we always, always always had to reach: could never stay in our comfort zone. I had so much homework in high school I would go to sleep at 2:30am, and had to be up at 5:30 in order to take the trip there. Who thought that was a good idea? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.24.08, 09:15 AM Flag
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^And my parents were relatively low-key. I had friends whose parents flashed flash-cards at them at the dinner table all through high school, who made them stay up doing homework 2 or 3 times over if there was a mistake. INSANE. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.24.08, 09:17 AM Flag
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This is strange. Gifted educators stay away from flash cards, repetitive homework... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.24.08, 09:28 AM Flag
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That sounds crazy! What school was this? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.24.08, 09:18 AM Flag
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Don't want to say, TT private. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.24.08, 09:21 AM Flag
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np, oohh, hate that. I'm totally comfortable with my child coasting in elementary, jr and high school. No need to take away a childhood because they happen to have intellectul gifts. They are gifts, lets not make them curses [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.24.08, 09:21 AM Flag
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I think pushing a dc (gifted or not) is really crazy. But gifted kids who never learn to persevere and face a challenge (and deal with risk of failure) is an issue. Things coming to them too easily is not good. Of course, this has nothing to do with being pushed and given crazy amount of homework or being flashcarded. I'm talking about a dc who can read at 3rd grade level but is required to do 30 min homework on sound of each letter in Kinder. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.24.08, 09:31 AM Flag
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There is more to a childs life than school. So what if everything in school comes easy. It doesn't mean they don't have struggles and challenges elsewhere. They can learn to try again in many ways. They can fail outside of school. Parents are too obsessed with the school life of their children. They throw the baby out with the bathwater. We are sending people into the world. NOT STUDENTS. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.24.08, 09:33 AM Flag
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Of course. I guess in NYC, there are parents who go crazy (or the schools) with this. But I'm talking about things more specific, I guess.. Majority of gifted kids do fine but some do really struggle. Gifted research indicates it's actually socially bad for kids to be forced to be with same age kids than with intellectual peers (meaning grade skipping is better - of course, it's even better if same age kids are at the same level as well as far as school is concerend.)... But... I am talking about kids who are ahead by 4-5 years (not one or two). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.24.08, 09:46 AM Flag
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If they can read, it shouldn't take 30 minutes to do the homework :) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.24.08, 09:35 AM Flag
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Right, and one can just lie and say we did spend 30 min on this task as told... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.24.08, 09:48 AM Flag
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I wholeheartedly agree with this! I was labeled 'gifted' at an early age, skipped a grade, etc... and have always been hard on myself when I don't excel at things. My younger brother was the 'trouble' kid, didn't finish hs and is by far the more successful of the two of us. I think alot of that had to do with the fact that he rec'd so much attention. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.24.08, 09:52 AM Flag
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My dh taught himself to read as a toddler, read at an adult level at 6yo, can do complex math in his head in split seconds, etc. but was bored/disengaged at Stuy, dropped out of college... I am hoping to avoid similar experienced for our dc. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.24.08, 10:24 AM Flag
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What does your dh think of his life now as an adult? Is he happy? Sometimes college isn't necessary. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.24.08, 04:05 PM Flag
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He has regrets about school and wishes our dd will have a better experience. He wandered around like a nomad career-wise for a while, but now in a field that he likes and make enough to live frugally in NY. But he feels really bad about not finishing college. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.24.08, 04:45 PM Flag
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Maybe if you'd been in schools with your peers since the beginning it wouldn't have loomed so large because your parents wouldn't have been frustrated seeing you waiting around for the rest of the class to catch up. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.24.08, 11:34 AM Flag
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Where did you go for elementary and middle schools? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.24.08, 09:09 AM Flag
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local public. gifted and talented jhs [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.24.08, 09:13 AM Flag
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So I don't get what you're talking about. You went to your local public because it was a good one (or good enough for your parents). But then you went to a G&T or selective middle school. So what's the problem? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.24.08, 09:39 AM Flag
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I tested quite high in school. My parents didn't tell me. I did just fine. Can't imagine if they had told me things would have been different. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.24.08, 09:10 AM Flag
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Sounds like your parents did some research and were wise not to tell you. Might have looked effortless to you as a child, but I have a feeling your parents were very intentional about it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.24.08, 09:14 AM Flag
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I doubt it. Don't get me wrong, my parents are terrific, but there was no internet then and they simply were not the research type. They were busy working and raising three children. I was the baby and when the school approached them about all kinds of whacky things, they just said no and sent me to the local elementary. In jr high, the school created a "gifted class" for about 10 of us, in high school I just did the "smart" track. It was all fine. BUT, I was also really gifted in a social sense too - so parents had little to worry about. More focused on putting food on the table. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.24.08, 09:19 AM Flag
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I started first grade at 4 because they didn't have a G/T program in my district. V. poor school district in Newark, NJ. And every day I went to a second grade class for my reading group! Looking back, I actually feel choked up with pride because my teachers from K-8 REALLY looked out for me. They, along with my parents, really pushed me, set up lesson plans for me. I remember my fifth grade teacher came over three times the summer before sixth grade to make sure I was keeping up with the summer reading she assigned me. And she wasn't even my teacher anymore. They made their own G/T program for me and a few others who needed it. this is totally off-topic. But this post just reminded me of my experience. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.24.08, 09:17 AM Flag
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Burn-out above: that's a really nice story. I think the whole problem is that people forget there's a happy medium. Not to sound like a total snot, but maybe you were lucky in the long run that your parents didn't have the resources that my parents had. That was the real problem, IMO. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.24.08, 09:20 AM Flag
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I totally agree. I really feel like I may have had at least a comparable experience to private. My fifth grade teacher stayed on me through eighth grade. And I remember the teachers would compare notes about me and how my ability had changed or increased in certain areas. Also, many of my teachers lived in my neighborhood. Made a HUGE difference. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.24.08, 09:29 AM Flag
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np; you are very, very lucky!! Very happy for you. I"m sad to say 99% of schools don't do this. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.24.08, 09:32 AM Flag
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Believe me I know. I was very fortunate. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.24.08, 09:33 AM Flag
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Do you ever feel like there is no winning as a parent. Either you stink because you are not recognizing that your child is gifted by not sending them to a special program, or you stink because you are putting too much pressure on them for sending them to a special program. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.24.08, 09:35 AM Flag
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No, I don't feel this way. You do what you think is best for your child and you keep it to yourself. You don't sit around discussing the intellecutal abilities of your children. It's just weird [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.24.08, 09:38 AM Flag
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So are you just complaining about the UB posts about gifted kids? Skip them if they bother you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.24.08, 09:50 AM Flag
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I just posted about my gifted child. Having just read this thread, I am now full of questions! I don't obsess about it but now I worry that he'll be a burn out or socially awkward, or who knows what. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.24.08, 12:14 PM Flag
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I'm not complaining about anything. I didn't start this post. Someone asked a question and I answered it. What is your problem? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.24.08, 03:22 PM Flag
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ITA. If I didn't pay attention I would suck. If you try to respond to your child's needs or ability you suck and are too pushy. You can't win. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.24.08, 09:26 PM Flag
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Who is judging you? Do you have people in real life that actually comment on your parenting? I don't. And would eliminate them from my life if they did. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.25.08, 04:58 AM Flag
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Yes -- starting with my DH and my mother. Not so easy to eliminate them. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.25.08, 07:52 AM Flag
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But it can be done :) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.25.08, 10:56 AM Flag
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I was very precocious/gifted - skipped 2 grades, etc - but even that did not challenge me, and it was socially awkward as well. My parents were super supportive, but there just weren't any resources or options for G & T (in most places) 30 years ago. Gifted kids NEED to get intellectual challenge while learning social skills appropriate to their age, and they need to be in an environment that makes it OK to be smart without having to apologize for it! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.24.08, 09:54 AM Flag
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np; not to mention socially awkward situations that the parents have to deal with... People assuming you push your kids and flashcard your dc to death to know the stuff the kids know... being openly hostile towards you without knowing the full story... Friends who compare their dc's to yours.. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.24.08, 10:22 AM Flag
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I am reading this thread with fascination. In many ways I think my DS is gifted--anything math related and he's reading on a 3-4th grade level I am told. He is going to the local public kindegarten. I have been warned by his preschool teacher and my best friend that he might have trouble due to being "bored" w/ his work. But what are my options? I live in the burbs, the private schools aren't more rigorous, and I really just want him to be a kid and have fun w/ his friends.... I guess we'll just wait and see.... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.24.08, 12:08 PM Flag
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^my best friend is an elementary teacher! Forgot to note that, ack [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.24.08, 12:10 PM Flag
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I think it's more like people who don't have "gifted" children making it a big deal by attacking people with "gifted" children. I found it also unappealing to see very "pushy" and "aggressive" people with gifted children. It makes me wonder whether they made their children "gifted" by pushing them so much or they have to be pushy because their children are gifted. Ideally, I'd like to be in a non-gifted school where giftedness is not a focus that accommodates gifted children without making such a fuss. signed by a Mom of gifted children. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.24.08, 12:47 PM Flag
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I think this too--if your kid is gifted, things should come easy to them, you don't have to PUSH PUSH PUSH. So those flashcard parents make no sense to me. I think their kids aren't gifted--they are just excellent students. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.24.08, 12:50 PM Flag
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I agree. Some people seem to have succeeded in pushing their children within the threshold of giftedness with those flash cards. These are usually the pushy and competitive parents. If they have to push so much, they are not really gifted. There is a huge range of giftedness. They don't need to worry so much unless their children are PG or similar. It is another story for PGs who need serious accomodations. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.24.08, 12:57 PM Flag
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np; I'm not an expert but I don't believe a kid can be "pushed" or flashcarded into testing gifted. Even if that were possible at 4yo, that won't last at 8yo. Moderately gifted kids are very common but highly, exceptionally, or profoundly gifted kids (all technical terms) are rare and have real issues. Parents of MG kids make a fuss or brag, maybe... I think parents of EG/PG kids tend to worry more than anything. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.24.08, 04:48 PM Flag
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I think you can definitely flashcard smart 4 year olds to pass giftedness threshhold. I do not believe there is such a big difference bewteen, let's say, IQ 88 to IQ 96 at 4 year olds. You can flashcard IQ 89 kids to help the score IQ 98. However, it may be very difficult to flashcard IQ 99 kids into IQ 99.9. Especiallly at an early age, I think parental involvement, like pushing kids, makes big difference. I think as children grow, what matters more are their efforts and discipline rather than their IQ unless they want to become genius. It seems that having an exceptional IQ is a minimum requirement in order to be a genius. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.24.08, 05:32 PM Flag
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I think you got some things mixed up here. You mean percentiles and not actual IQ scores when you are talking about IQ 99 vs IQ 99.9?? Plus, genius is an outdated term. I don't think a pushy parent can transform her average IQ (which is 100) to perform 3 standard deviations above the average at IQ=150 for example. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.24.08, 06:10 PM Flag
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I was talking about percentiles. 88%tile is IQ 118 and 96%tile is IQ 127. 99%tile is IQ 135 and 99.9%tile is IQ 147. I said you can flashcard IQ 119 (89%tile) kids to score IQ 127, but may not be able to flashcard IQ 135 kids to score IQ 147. In other words, you can push smart kids to score better by prepping them, but you may not be able to turn even highly kids into PGs by pushing (or prepping, flashcarding) them. Why genius is an outdated term? Is there a new term for people like Einstein then? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.24.08, 07:27 PM Flag
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I went to Stuyvesant as well--didn't consider myself or the vast majority of my classmates "gifted." We tested well and were precocious--also lucky enough to have taken the entrance exam. If someone has a truly gifted child who cannot fit into the normal school structure, they have more serious issues than parents did. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.24.08, 06:08 PM Flag
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[ Removed by moderator ] [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.24.08, 06:16 PM Flag
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Kids at Stuysant are high achievers, but not necessarily highly, exceptionally gifted. High achievers and highly gifted are two different things. If PG kids have issues at normal school structure, it is not necessarily their faults. It's not like there's something wrong with them. They are exceptionally advanced in their cognitive abilities which makes it difficult to fit in with kids with much slower, from PGs perspective, pace. It's not like if you're not one if the majority, there's something wrong with you. That approach is too simplistic and lacks any understanding on giftedness. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.24.08, 07:34 PM Flag
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i was a gifted child and it changed my life to be placed in gifted and talented classes... was the most important thing that ever happened to me [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.25.08, 01:44 PM Flag
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