< Return to Talk
05.23.08, 19:03 PM General Topics
35 replies
any adoptive moms on? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 05.23.08, 07:03 PM Flag
 

Dear UrbanBaby community,

Thank you so much for being a valued member of the UrbanBaby community. We wanted to inform you that we are shutting down the site on July 6th. We are grateful for your participation and support that has helped make UrbanBaby such an important resource to parents for many years.

If you have any questions or concerns, you can email us at urbanbaby-support@cbsinteractive.com.

Thanks so much,

UrbanBaby Support

»
no -- but my cousin just adopted the most wonderful DD in September... [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.23.08, 07:04 PM Flag
»
domestically? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.23.08, 07:04 PM Flag
»
yep -- she got a lawyer through another friend who adopted an infant. took my cousin 3.5 wks after all her paperwork was done. for friend, it was 6 months after paperwork... are you looking into it? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.23.08, 07:05 PM Flag
»
yes. my international adoption is going nowhere but i am paralyzed with fear about the possibility of a birthmother changing her mind after i am already down the road with her (or even worse, after the baby is born). in ny state there is a 30 day window. it varies by state. intellectually i completely understand and respect a person's right to change their mind, but i am so afraid of it happening to me. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.23.08, 07:07 PM Flag
»
my friend adopted in fla and my cousin adopted in utah but we all live in nj. those two states are very adoptive family friendly. the lawyer who found the babies is in ny -- rockland county -- if you want the number. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.23.08, 07:09 PM Flag
»
in utah, she had 48 hours to change her mind -- same thing with florida, i think -- or maybe slightly longer. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.23.08, 07:10 PM Flag
»
np:dh and i were just discussing this over dinner. can you give the # or the name? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.23.08, 07:10 PM Flag
»
she's in nyack -- there's a $500 consult fee but she's super nice according to friend and cousin -- Laurie Goldheim 845-624-2727, and I have to add that these are two of the most gorgeous babies ever (I'm a little biased, though!) GL [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.23.08, 07:14 PM Flag
»
somehow, I find this creepy [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.23.08, 07:17 PM Flag
»
what do you find creepy? that adoption attorneys exist or that the info is being shared on UB? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.23.08, 07:18 PM Flag
»
the chatter about "I have to add that these are two of the most gorgeous babies ever.." is disturbing. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.23.08, 07:41 PM Flag
»
ah, ok. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.23.08, 07:49 PM Flag
»
why? my cousin did 10 IVFs -- she deserves to be happy and adopt a sweet baby... [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.23.08, 07:18 PM Flag
»
Me. I adopted domestically from Florida. It has been wonderful. I know someone who had the birth mother change her mind, and it was devastating, but she did go on to adopt domestically, and I think the birth mother changing her mind is pretty rare, especially if you work with a good lawyer or agency (they get a good sense of the state of mind of the birth parent). Also, I always wonder what it's like for a birth parent in a foreign adoption who changes her mind but might have no recourse. I'd rather know for sure that the birth mom is certain. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.23.08, 07:22 PM Flag
»
how did she handle it (the woman who had someone change her mind). was it before or after the baby was born? if after, was it after she had brought her home? did you choose florida because of the laws there or was it just happenstance? tia. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.23.08, 07:24 PM Flag
»
Florida was happenstance. I live in NY, btw. It was after they flew down to pick up the baby. I didn't know her at the time, but she said it was, of course, really heartbreaking. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.23.08, 07:26 PM Flag
»
but she pulled it together and did it again. good for her. i don't know if i have it in me, i really don't. although i do understand what you are saying about the certainty and i like having information about and possibly even contact with the birthparent(s) for when my child starts asking questions. how old is your dc? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.23.08, 07:33 PM Flag
»
He's 5. I never met the birthparents, although I did talk to the birthmom on the phone the day after he was born. I wish I had more info about them, really. It would be very difficult, but as the person says below, people try to get pregnant again after miscarriages, etc. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.23.08, 07:36 PM Flag
»
^^^it would be very difficult if the birthmom had changed her mind, I mean [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.23.08, 07:37 PM Flag
»
i know you are right. part of it is that i'm just emotionally exhausted already. i feel like i have to keep proving myself over and over again to become a parent and keep hitting walls everywhere i turn. i actually had an agency rep tell me that their clients who look on their own as well, instead of waiting for their agency to find them a baby are "more ready" to be parents. as if the ability to go out and sell oneself is somehow related to the ability and readiness to parent. it's just demoralizing. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.23.08, 07:40 PM Flag
»
It can be overwhelming. Are you in NY area. My lawyer was Michael Goldstein, (914) 939-1111. His office and staff are really great. He and his wife are adoptive parents and have also just opened an adoption agency. You also might want to contact the Adoptive Parents Committee. They have really great info and support. Good luck! [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.23.08, 07:44 PM Flag
»
i've heard of him. did he locate the birthmother or did you also use an agency? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.23.08, 07:45 PM Flag
»
He located the birthmom. I also advertised and did the whole 800 number thing, but ds was from a contact he had. You should really pick just one, an agency or a lawyer.... [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.23.08, 07:47 PM Flag
»
i just don't have it in me to do what you did. maybe if i was just starting, but i've been trying to adopt internationally for 2 1/2 years already.... [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.23.08, 07:50 PM Flag
»
^^thanks for all your advice, btw. it is much appreciated! [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.23.08, 07:51 PM Flag
»
You're welcome. I'm sorry it's been such an ordeal for you. International is getting really difficult these days, from what I hear. Again, good luck! [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.23.08, 07:52 PM Flag
»
did you use an agency, by the way? or an attorney in florida? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.23.08, 07:42 PM Flag
»
See above. Private attorney in NY. I also had to pay attorney and agency fees in Florida, unfortunately. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.23.08, 07:45 PM Flag
»
sorry, missed this. will check out michael goldstein. i am talking to two agencies also...adoption star and adoptions from teh heart. did you consider going with an agency? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.23.08, 07:46 PM Flag
»
I actually still get e-mails from adoption star. I considered everything in the beginning until I decided to go private. I'm single, and some agencies don't work with single parents. Also, I was open to db of any race, and some agencies don't do that either. In the end, private worked best for me. If you don't care about race, btw, you will be able to adopt quickly. If you want a white baby (everybody has to form the family they are comfortable with, of course), you will also find a db, but how long it takes will depend a little more on luck. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.23.08, 07:51 PM Flag
»
oh wow, i'm single too. the other main reason i went international. but that is going nowhere now. i just can't believe how hard it is with all the motherless babies in the world. but that's a conversation for another time! thanks again for your help. are you a NYSAC member, by the way? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.23.08, 07:53 PM Flag
»
No. Never heard of it till I just googled it now! [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.23.08, 07:56 PM Flag
»
glad i could help you with something! it's a good group. has an online email list as well as meetings in nyc. perhaps we'll meet irl one day! [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.23.08, 07:57 PM Flag
»
See you then. ;) [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.23.08, 07:58 PM Flag
»
yes -- the agencies definitely screen the birthmothers thoroughly for this reason. i only know one person who's birthmother backed out -- everyone else did fine. but honestly, it's a leap of faith, like anything. it's horrible to say, but a woman can be 39 wks PG with the perfect pregnancy and deliver a stillborn... it's scary but the end result makes it worth it... [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.23.08, 07:25 PM Flag
Refresh » New Post »
Select Category
close [X]

close [X]

Select a Category (only 1)

category
Stages
Regions