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05.23.08, 11:35 AM New York City
24 replies
DS is 3. We've had two m/c and I am not ready to try again. Mostly for fear of actually being PG, the toll it takes on me, the sleeplessness of a NB, the stress on the marriage being even worse...I am being selfish, right?? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
New York City 05.23.08, 11:35 AM Flag
 

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No, you're not being selfish. Not everyone has to have more than one kid. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.23.08, 11:35 AM Flag
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But its not fair to DS or DH. DS keeps saying, "I have a brother," or "I have a sister". I think he notices all the other kids do. And DH is really wanting more kids. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.23.08, 11:36 AM Flag
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As for DS, he doesn't really know what having a sibling means. When I was a kid sharing a room with my little sister, I frequently told my parents I wished I was an only child. As adults, my sister and I don't have a close relationship. She's only seen my 18 mo once. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.23.08, 11:37 AM Flag
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dh's opinion matters, but ds is just wishing. What if you couldn't have any more kids, ds would just have to accept it, right? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.23.08, 11:41 AM Flag
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Yes...I have miserable first trimesters, and now it is like I had 2 first tri's back to back from the m/cs... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.23.08, 11:44 AM Flag
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np take some time and think about it. It's not like you have to decide today. I had a couple of losses too and know what you mean. Felt like I was pg for 2 years and no baby to show for it. But when it finally happened, it was great. GL to you [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.23.08, 11:49 AM Flag
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np: i totally hear you. same situation. 2 m/c's - feel like i've been pg half a yr extra already, (and bad first tri). do you want to have a second kid? i mean, are you ok w/ one? i'm not. i def. want more than one, but like you, am dreading the actual process and the sleep deprivation. but i would not want just one. i think if you truly can live w/ one, you need to have this discussion w/ your dh. i think you're just going to have to suffer for a couple years if you want more than one eventually, and remember it's a relatively short time... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.23.08, 12:06 PM Flag
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I miss DS as a baby - he was so cute - but it was a lot of work, and I know I am always going to be F/T WOHM and working in a demanding industry. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.23.08, 11:42 AM Flag
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FWIW, I have some good friends who were onlies and LOVED it. It's not always bad and lonely to be an only, it's not always good times and friendship to be one of two or more. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.23.08, 11:44 AM Flag
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well i hated it. my only relative is now my ailing 74 year old mother. my dc have no other relatives on my side. none! was very lonely growing up too. would never do this to a child. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.23.08, 11:48 AM Flag
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This is my fear. Don't want DS to be alone when we get old and die. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.23.08, 12:50 PM Flag
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You can't do what you're not ready to do. Nothing selfish about that. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.23.08, 11:38 AM Flag
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it's not selfish. There are advantages and dis to being an only child. We can't have anymore and even though I would love to have a sib for DD, part of me feels just as you describe about having another one [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.23.08, 11:42 AM Flag
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And I have friends that groan, "I wish we had stopped at one!" I am the youngest of several and not close with any of my sibs, nor is DH with his sibs. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.23.08, 11:43 AM Flag
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well I love my bro and sis and would hate to think of life without them. But, you can't miss what you never know. I don't feel a lack because my mom didn't have 10 kids ;-) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.23.08, 11:48 AM Flag
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if they're miscarriages due to age, then you better not wait too long... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.23.08, 11:46 AM Flag
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Wow, I think you have totally missed the point. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.23.08, 11:48 AM Flag
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wow, you know nothing about basic reproduction. if she wants another kid, she better get working on it. duh. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.23.08, 11:51 AM Flag
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np LOL! You should reread. She's not that worried about being able to, she is discussing if she really wants to [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.23.08, 11:51 AM Flag
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and OP needs to decide if it's going to be all about her forever [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.23.08, 11:51 AM Flag
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The newborn sleeping thing isn't too bad. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.23.08, 11:48 AM Flag
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i don't think it's selfishess, i think it's a defense mechanism. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.23.08, 12:00 PM Flag
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how so? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.23.08, 12:11 PM Flag
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you prob also don't want to deal with a miscarriage again either so you are telling yourself that you don't want to get pregnant for other reasons. it is an emotional roller coaster. just remember what you get in the end if all goes well. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.23.08, 01:02 PM Flag
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