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05.23.08, 08:57 AM Toddler
14 replies
This is tricky but I am annoyed. I am all for treats and snacks but not as a reward for eating the healthy food that is served, but MIL recently moved closer so she is watching the kids and has introduced the idea of dessert so now I am constantly having this stupid interactions with kids over whether they can have "dessert" and how much they need to eat and I am sick of it. I don't care if, when she watches them, she serves them candy all day long, but I feel I need to put my foot down about dessert. [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
Toddler 05.23.08, 08:57 AM Flag
 

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Then that is what you say - - your house has different rules than MIL's house. The dcs may either accept that and benefit from having those options and recognizing that your house is different OR... you'll have to ask MIL to stop offering desserts, etc. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.23.08, 08:58 AM Flag
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I think I am going to have to ask her to respect this one rule, but it makes me nervous. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.23.08, 08:59 AM Flag
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I wouldn't. I would let her have this and just make the children recognize that it is unique to her house. Sometimes, the best memories are the smallest things.. watch, years from now, when she is gone your dcs will say "remember when grandma used to make suchandsuch for dessert?" [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.23.08, 09:00 AM Flag
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The thing is that I don't mind dessert, so I don't care if she makes and serves it - I just don't like the coercion. And MIL has major food issues. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.23.08, 09:01 AM Flag
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You are missing my point (or I am missing yours). You have to stop focusing on the food issues at her house and just make the children realize they don't carry over to your house. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.23.08, 09:03 AM Flag
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I think we are missing each other. I think this is a discipline issue, embedded in a food one, so it is a big deal. It isn't just a rule thing, as I see it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.23.08, 09:05 AM Flag
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So, is she using dessert as a means to get them to eat their dinner? Is that what is annoying you? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.23.08, 09:07 AM Flag
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Yes. She uses it for dinner and for lunch. And now I spent all of lunch having the most boring conversation with my kids about "dessert" instead of about the fun stuff we usually talk about. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.23.08, 09:08 AM Flag
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ah ha! I am sorry, I totally missed that. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.23.08, 09:09 AM Flag
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No problem. Like I said below, I obviously wasn't expressing myself clearly due to being frazzled. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.23.08, 09:10 AM Flag
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I totally agree with your concerns. You are going to have to step in on two fronts - - first with the children and then with her. She won't understand your issues tho because what she is doing has been done for generations. It is a relatively old school mind set. So, before you approach her, put yourself in her shoes ("my mother did this to me, her mother did it before that, etc.") and approach it from an perspective that doesn't undermine her history (i.e., implying that there is something wrong with her and worse.. her mother) so that she doesn't get defensive. Sorry I missed this point btw. It must have been really frustrating to talk to me. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.23.08, 09:49 AM Flag
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I don't know if you are even still around, but, no, it wasn't so bad talking to you ;) I really do believe in different people giving different things and that includes here on UB, but I am glad you see where I am coming from and I appreciate your advice on not attacking her history. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.23.08, 10:49 AM Flag
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np. you are missing or point. she doesnt wantt eh kids coerced into eating healthy foods. she wasnt a more natural relationship with food to develop and is concernced that MILs way is setting up a pattern for food issues [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.23.08, 09:07 AM Flag
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Exactly. Thank you. I am obviously frazzled by the dumb conversation at lunchtime. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.23.08, 09:09 AM Flag
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