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05.22.08, 20:46 PM General Topics
32 replies
i have never known of a couples to divorce who got "that feeling" when they met (and you know, not charlotte 'i think he could be the one!' feeling, but that really deep premonition) [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 05.22.08, 08:46 PM Flag
 

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meet me. both DH and I had "that" feeling. but things happen. we lost a baby last year and it just isn't the same. we are not going to survive it and are heading for divorce. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 08:48 PM Flag
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wow, that is a lootttt to go through. so is the divorce amicable? do you think it's happening for 'a reason' (if that makes any sense) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 08:49 PM Flag
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well, we're just at the beginning. trying to work on separation. hope it will be amicable. I don't think its happening for a reason. I think we had a horrible thing happen, and we reacted to it very differently. I do think we were meant to be together (and who knows maybe after some time apart, we will find our way back), but right now we are so lost there really is no way to keep this marriage together. not even for the sake of our other children. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 08:52 PM Flag
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for some reason you are reminding me of What Dreams May Come... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 08:53 PM Flag
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can you see yourself married to someone else? do you think it's time for you to just part ways from him and be single and grow from this? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 08:54 PM Flag
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no, I don't really see myself with someone else. I think what we had would be very hard to duplicate. but at the same time, we can't stay together. too much fighting and we have other children to think of. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 08:57 PM Flag
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oh, so you do have other children currently [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 08:58 PM Flag
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do you want to stay married or are you ready to part ways? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 08:49 PM Flag
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when did you get 'the feeling'... and when did you realize things were heading south [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 08:50 PM Flag
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I think we both knew instantly that we were meant to be together. I still think we are, but sometimes things happen that you just can't overcome. Like I said above, it started heading south a few months after we lost the baby. DH went into denial and pretends the baby never existed and, well, I just can't do that b/c I had to deliver her. Its really driven a wedge between us and I now am very hurt, resentful and angry. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 08:55 PM Flag
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oh i can completely understand this. i didn't get 'that feeling' instantly either and can only imagine what a man does psychologically to cope with the loss. wow. you have some strength that i can only envy [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 08:57 PM Flag
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That experience should have bought you closer [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 08:53 PM Flag
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that's a really presumptuous thing to say, isn't it? i know several couples who didn't make it thru the loss of a child. it is HARRRRRD [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 08:55 PM Flag
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No. It is very hard to stay together in the face of tragedy -- this very often happens to couples who have lost children for any reason. Very very hard. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 08:55 PM Flag
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very, my aunt and uncle lost both dss in a car crash-- my uncle was driving. the guilt, it tore them completely apart [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 08:56 PM Flag
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OR here. that must be incredibly hard. part of what we struggle with is that I blame him. I don't mean to, but i can't help it. he didn't want a third child and he was not very happy about the pregnancy. told me that over and over and then we lost the baby when I was 6 months along and in some ways i can't help but feel he wished the baby away. I know he didn't, but its really hard. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 09:03 PM Flag
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i understand this. blame seems a very natural place to deposit pain. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 09:04 PM Flag
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sadly, it is. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 09:06 PM Flag
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my uncle blamed himself so much that he went into like an emotional abyss. and they had an infant dd as the time, who is now 24... and no, i can't say things have turned out well for her. her parents were kind of mourning zombies for most of her childhood. still not a day goes by they don't think of it. EVERY time i cross that intersection i think about it... and this was 25 yrs ago [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 09:08 PM Flag
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oh, that is so sad and tragic. partly why I think its time to go our separate ways is the toll it is taking on our other 2 kids. I think they would be happier if we could be nicer to each other and I don't see that happening unless we are on our own. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 09:11 PM Flag
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you have some serious courage, woman. and you are seriously thoughtful as well. from my experience with this in my family, i can only say that i think you are by far making the right decision. the living children deserve your attention and health and happiness. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 09:17 PM Flag
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don't speak too fast. I am totally petrified. I hope it is the right answer. and I hope one day we find our way back to each other, even if just to be friends. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 09:20 PM Flag
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i don't think the love ever ends, it's just buried beneath the pain. when the mourning ends and erodes the pain, there the fondness is again. people say life is short, but it's very long (god willing). you have some chapters that have yet to unfold, and you get to write them (or at least co-author them with the Creator i guess) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 09:24 PM Flag
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I know many [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 08:50 PM Flag
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i know many couples who say "i knew he was the one" but i never really know what that means. i think it means "he checked off all my boxes". but the couples who really talk about the premonition that comes with being in the presence of your future spouse? i don't know of any who split. maybe i need to meet more couples [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 08:52 PM Flag
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maybe. I am a divorce attorney, so I know a lot of divorced people [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 08:54 PM Flag
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i'm curious, what are the trends you see in these couples? i don't know how into their personal lives you get [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 08:55 PM Flag
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it can get quite personal. I see a lot of couples married 7-10 yes with a couple dcs [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 09:01 PM Flag
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so trends? i heard divorced couples tend to say things liek "we have sex, you know, once a month, normal"... like everyone thinks their normal and no one knows what it is [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 09:04 PM Flag
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No, I don't hear that. Its not mainly about sex. Its more about not being able to maintain that connection through rough periods, mainly when your dcs are young and life gets crazy. Sex is a symptom but not the main problem [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 09:10 PM Flag
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I'm the one who first posted above who is heading to divorce and I would totally agree with it. our sexual relationship was the last thing to go (and acually, its still pretty good by most standards - a few times a week), but more often that not its totally emotionless and all physical - its passionate only when we've recently had a fight. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 09:16 PM Flag
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sex is definitely the symptom [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 09:19 PM Flag
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