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05.22.08, 15:58 PM General Topics
71 replies
why does my friend not get it that i am entirrreely annoyed (and offended) when she tries to swap stories about her pet ownership when people are discussing parenting... [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 05.22.08, 03:58 PM Flag
 

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i guess she expects you to be able to empathize? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 04:00 PM Flag
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but you know how parents are. the whole "nothing compares to having a child" thing... it only irks them more when you compare a dog to a kid [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 04:02 PM Flag
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i know. i have kids and pets and there's not a huge difference between cleaning a cage and a diaper...they both give me a hard time about going to the dr, i have to prepare meals for both, they both make messes. shrug. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 04:06 PM Flag
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well my kids ARE animals, but that goes without saying. still in a circle of parents who get on a high horse about raising future contributors to society... the pet comparisons wear a little thin [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 04:07 PM Flag
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oh, please, i'd tell them to get back to me when their child actually has contributed to society [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 04:09 PM Flag
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true, but they always win with "my kid could grow up to cure something. your dog on the other hand..." i mean i get the sancti thing that parents do. i also get how people like to feel like parents to their pets.. i just feel like they should play their position a little bit when parents are discussing human parenting. don't be so eager to be like "totally, BTDT with mr. barky von schnauzer" [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 04:12 PM Flag
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i don't think pet owners have ambitions for their pets to grow up to cure cancer. but that has nothing to do with it being as/or more difficult to schedule a qualified pet sitter as a baby sitter. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 04:14 PM Flag
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but, again... a dog can stay at home alone.... a qualified pet sitter is someone who knows how to pull the throw pillows out of their mouths [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 04:15 PM Flag
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depends on the pet, obviously, and how well you plan to care for it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 04:18 PM Flag
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eehh if i have a boa constrictor, i might want to make sure i leave her with someone who knows reptiles, but if she's healthy, there's pretty not much else that needs to be done in the sitting process. i mean, no, you don't want to leave your dog with someone who thinks chocolate makes for great treats [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 04:20 PM Flag
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dogs, for example, need to be walked two or three times a day, might need special medication (not as easy to give as for a child), need grooming...and you might leave your pet with them for days which includes a whole other bag of responsibilities. you can't really get the 15 year old down the street [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 04:25 PM Flag
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but... you CAN hire the 15 yo down the street. you just.. write it down. now if this were some prized poodle that you were entering in show, i'd understand the very special requirements as you don't want to take any risk of injury, etc [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 04:28 PM Flag
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parenting and pet ownership have a lot in common. obviously comparing applying to top private schools isn't the same thing as applying for obedience school, but you both have to fill out paperwork. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 04:02 PM Flag
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LOL, i'll share this with her. although i remember a fond age when animals were pets, not children [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 04:03 PM Flag
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is she saying that her pet is a child and trying to save for his college? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 04:04 PM Flag
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HA, no, but more like all the headache 'she too' feels running around, arranging sitters, etc. to which i always want to reply "those are headaches you chose. your dog can be home alone." [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 04:06 PM Flag
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so, your problem is that she's extra conscientious as an owner? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 04:08 PM Flag
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no, not at all. the problem is i feel like she does these things to make herself feel important and needed. and this is why i also think she offers them in circles of parents. i have no problem with childless pet people, but i DO have a problem with people pretending that the pet thing is as draining as parenting. conscientious is not the term i would use for people who go overboard with the pet classes, pet hotels, etc [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 04:10 PM Flag
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seriously, i have no problem with people who adopt animals and make a big deal about making that animal's life as nice as possible. there are some crap parents out there that had children for more selfish reasons. if you think she's really "overboard" with this, don't talk to her. you don't respect her life choices. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 04:12 PM Flag
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making an animals life as nice as possible doesn't require putting an animal in a sweater. i think about 75% of the stuff we do for pets is from our own narcissism, not for the biological or environmental good of an animal. we just want to make them little people so damned badly [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 04:13 PM Flag
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if they has arthritis or a thin coat and it is cold out, it might. besides, making a kid's life better doesn't require brand name clothes and lots of people dress their children for fun or vanity...not just necessity [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 04:16 PM Flag
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oh, ita that parents go WAY overboard! just that, you know, gets actually have minds and emotions that need developing, can grow up to be axe murderers, etc, so i get how parents would be snarky about the comparison to a pet. the whole raising a human deal seems ot be prettty damn important, where, honestly, dogs don't need us. at all. we have convinced themselves they do, but even domesticated animals only need food, water, and a place to not freeze to death [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 04:19 PM Flag
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You know what, she probably adores her pet like a child because she does not have a child. If she is like many childless women, she probably wishes she were the mother to a child. Try to be sympathetic. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 04:11 PM Flag
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i get all of that, i get all of that. but i know too many owners who adore their pets and know good and damn well it's not the same thing as raising a child. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 04:15 PM Flag
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do you think this is your friends passive aggressive way of telling you that the way you speak abotu your children smacks of self importance adn she finds it tedious? or that perhaps you give the impression that you are the only person with responsibilities? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 04:12 PM Flag
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she could just be making fun of op and op is too self important to even get it [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 04:13 PM Flag
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OR. That too! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 04:14 PM Flag
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she's not doing it just to me, she does these in circles of parents [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 04:14 PM Flag
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she could be mocking all of them. parents are a pretty self importatn lot in this society [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 04:15 PM Flag
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ita we are self important, and that she doesn't get that she's fanning the fire by trying to include herself in the club is kinda cooky to me. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 04:16 PM Flag
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so even though she is your friend, she should shut up, not participate and tacitly agree that your life is importnat and hers is not? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 04:17 PM Flag
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who said that? i said that it gets annoying to compare your dog to someone's kid. there are mannny other ways of participating. all childless people with social skills get this, as we were all children ourselves at one point and remember having parents [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 04:21 PM Flag
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np: But what do you expect her to do? Just nod and be mute? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 04:16 PM Flag
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no, but maybe be a little humble abotu not having the same experience? yes [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 04:23 PM Flag
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Humble? Are you for real? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 04:27 PM Flag
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yes humble as in "we don't have the same experience. i won't pretend that we do" [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 04:28 PM Flag
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No, you think you are better than your "friend." [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 04:30 PM Flag
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no, i think i would refrain from being like "oh BTDT" when an adoptive mother was telling me about what she was going thru emotionally to connect with her child. it's not my experience and i wouldn't pretend to understand what she had been through [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 04:32 PM Flag
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Your friend may be insensitive and a little dense. But she doesn't need to be deferential and humble about it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 04:34 PM Flag
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i meant humble as all people should be humble when they haven't had an experience. she isn't beneath us because she's childless. but it's a little audacious to compare her experience with a dog to someone's experience with a child, especially when they didn't welcome the comparison [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 04:35 PM Flag
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Look, I'm the one with the SIL below. She pissed me off. But if we were talking about general kid-related crap, big deal if she compares it to her cat. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 04:36 PM Flag
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np: I don't think OP is saying her friend should be deferential, I just think she thinks (as do I) that her friend is kind of comparing her animal to a human child which it is not. (One thing to do it every once in a while, but all the time shows a diff't view of reality.) I know alot of people refer to their animals as their kids, and I am someone who just never got that -- even before I became a mother (to human children). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 05:23 PM Flag
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I think it might suck to be the only childless woman in a group of friends. We tend to talk a lot about our kids, more than we realize. Again, in general, I try to be understanding. But did get angry when my SIL made the comparison about my miscarriage. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 05:26 PM Flag
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Yes, that does suck and in that case I could definitely see how she could be reaching for some connection. But I guess my comment is more to the general people who refer to their animals as their kids. I just think it's nuts, but I also know I am totally in the minority in this society. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 05:35 PM Flag
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^^^I am very, very sorry about your miscarriage. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 05:36 PM Flag
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if you're the minority i am right there with you. i think it's nuts. pets are property, not children [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 05:37 PM Flag
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I have a friend who now admits she thought she loved her dog as much as she would a baby - until she had the baby. I think the obsessively animal owner is also weird, I'm just not sure that OP's friend is, she might just be struggling to stay connected to friends she has little in common with now. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 05:38 PM Flag
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i can't understand how anyone could ever think they could love an animal as much as a child! i mean, i get pet owner love, but.. it's just so creepy to think that people think this is what parents feel [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 05:40 PM Flag
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^^people also convince themselves that the animal loves them back. it's narcissism. we are imposing human emotions onto animal behavior [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 05:41 PM Flag
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Girl I am SOOOOO with you. I have one of these, too. WTF? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 04:13 PM Flag
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i kinda just stare at her like "hmm. you can't be serious." [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 04:14 PM Flag
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Mine friend would not get it. In some ways, she thinks she's better than everyone, so she'd never see how effed up her regular doggy comments are [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 04:16 PM Flag
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UGH the worst. a SANCTI pet owner. she thinks she's better because her dogs sweater is cuter than your kid's smock? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 04:22 PM Flag
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My SIL compared my waiting to find out if I miscarried again to her waiting on xrays for her dog. It was not a good time for her to make the comparison. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 04:13 PM Flag
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If she said that to me in the mood I'm in today, I'd have bitch slapped her for real [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 04:17 PM Flag
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DH quickly intervened, bless him. It would have been m/c #5. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 04:18 PM Flag
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OH NO she didn't! wowwwww [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 04:22 PM Flag
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Yep, right to my face. Not even passive-aggressively over the phone or something. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 04:24 PM Flag
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yeah, this would make my blood curdle actually. i really resent anyone who feigns compassion by making inappropriate comparison [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 04:25 PM Flag
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ugh -- how annoying. unless i can take my 5-year-old to the pediatrician to be put to sleep when he gets too aggressive/pees in his bed, there really is no comparison [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 04:14 PM Flag
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HAHAHA i love you cruella [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 04:17 PM Flag
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LOL! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 04:24 PM Flag
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I can understand why it's annoying but, honestly, your friend is just trying to connect. Some childless friends are less patient. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 04:15 PM Flag
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she definitely wants to connect. i totally understand that, and i try to make sure that the entire convo is not about parenting (which bores the shit out of me anyway). but when it DOES go to parenting... ehhh... just try to ask questions or say "wow, sounds tough" rather than "oh yeah, mr. bojangles and i had a playdate with this total bitch mom, too" [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 04:24 PM Flag
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LOL. I find it completely insulting when people compare my child or children in general to their pets. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 05:08 PM Flag
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I do this all the time and I also have a child. It is very, very similar, except the dog can be left home alone. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 05:10 PM Flag
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I am really stunned by all of the people who actually think caring for a pet and caring for a child is similar. I mean, at the end of the day, you're not really responsible for socializing your pet to be a good, contributing, empathetic member of society. To me, THAT is the hardest part of childrearing, on top of all the craziness of potty training, getting them to sleep through the night and trying to shop without them pulling down all the racks in the store. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 05:20 PM Flag
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TY! ITA. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 05:21 PM Flag
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A lot of it IS similar. And it's also annoying when childless people act like there's no difference at all. Both can be true. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 05:21 PM Flag
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that's fair. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 05:24 PM Flag
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Dunno, my 19 month old likes to play "fetch" I can keep her amused for hours by throwing a ball and having her retreive it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 06:33 PM Flag
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