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05.22.08, 06:03 AM General Topics
15 replies
Need ideas on how I can help my mom who was just diagnosed with Stage IV cancer throughout multiple parts of her body. I just had DC#2 13 days ago, and can not get out to see her very easily. I really want to support her, but need to be here for my little ones too. [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 05.22.08, 06:03 AM Flag
 

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Anyone? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 06:11 AM Flag
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oh, I'm so sorry. can you have meals sent in? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 06:12 AM Flag
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I was thinking of that, but she's very paticular about her food and her cleaning. And, I'm scared that with her chemo she won't want to eat, but it would probably help my dad a lot. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 06:14 AM Flag
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it would help your dad, and that's almost as important, honestly. do you think being around the baby will be more trouble for her than it's worth? I couldn't get to see my dad often enough b/c of the kids, and I'm sorry to say that I regret it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 06:17 AM Flag
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also, if she's going through chemo, she'll have a bad week (I forget the schedule, but the doc can tell you). she won't care how the house is done, I'd bet. maybe just a cleaning service for that week each chemo round? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 06:18 AM Flag
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I'm going to ask her how she feels about it. I can take the train out to see her with DS & DD in tow; I don't drive due to a medical condition of my own. I just can't believe this is all happening all at once. 3 weeks ago the surgeon thought he got it all out of her breast, and now this. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 06:19 AM Flag
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ugh. i'm sorry. things happen in clusters, and it sucks. my gmother died, my dad was re-diagnosed w/lung cancer, and my ds was dx'd with autism all in the space of a month. i know how you feel. it's overwhelming. any chance you can get a sitter for the older one? and the baby, if you're not bf OR you can pump enough. honestly, you won't regret it. you'll have plenty of time with them. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 06:22 AM Flag
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that is terrible. not to be crass, but how long does she have left? It sounds like very little time. Go. Take the baby. I've BTDT and you will regret every minute you do not go care for her. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 06:13 AM Flag
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They didn't give her a time limit, the oncologist she saw at the Mayo Clinic yesterday, Dr. Edith Perez, believes she can fight it. She has to get an estrogen test to determine if she is post or pre-menapausal (she's 51 and had a hysterectomy 20+years ago), and that will determine course of treatment: aggressive vs. very aggressive. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 06:16 AM Flag
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Still, go. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 06:17 AM Flag
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You have to understand that "fighting it" does not mean curing it. Once it's spread it's a matter of time. Treatments can extend that time, but often the treatments make the extra time miserable. I have lost 4 close relatives over the last 6 years to cancer and I have grown to hate the whole cancer industry. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 06:23 AM Flag
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Do you mind telling me more? My mom was resistant to the chemo treatment idea, but the oncologist assured her that it was the right step. She would rather move back to Italy and live out her days there. I don't want her to be chemo sick for the next year, but I don't want her to give up either. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 06:28 AM Flag
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I would urge her to ask more questions. Ask directly about side effects. Moving back to a place she loves and being happy sounds beautiful compared to mouth sores, brain swelling, puking, weakness -- my uncle even had persistent hiccups 24/7 for a week after every chemo, which sounds funny but was MISERABLE. Doctors are human and in our experience most oncologists think patients want to hear they have a chance. That's an easier conversation than "sorry." And, my cynical side says it's not good business for the oncologist. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 06:36 AM Flag
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np: I agree with you. We really care about extending life over quality of life and I'm not sure this is always best for both the cancer patient or the family. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 06:49 AM Flag
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Thanks to you both. I need to do more research once the determined course of treatment is established. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 06:50 AM Flag
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