< Return to Talk
05.21.08, 18:59 PM General Topics
36 replies
Anyone raising their niece or nephew? My brother who has tons of problems knocked up a girl who has more problems than he does. Right now, my parents are raising my precious nephew, but I don't think it is fair for them to spend their retirement raising him. If my brother doesn't get it together, I am going to take him. My parents have custody right now. TIA!!! [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 05.21.08, 06:59 PM Flag
 

Dear UrbanBaby community,

Thank you so much for being a valued member of the UrbanBaby community. We wanted to inform you that we are shutting down the site on July 6th. We are grateful for your participation and support that has helped make UrbanBaby such an important resource to parents for many years.

If you have any questions or concerns, you can email us at urbanbaby-support@cbsinteractive.com.

Thanks so much,

UrbanBaby Support

»
i think that he'll be lucky to have you as his "mom" [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.21.08, 07:01 PM Flag
»
Thank you...he is so blessed to have so many people that love him. My brother loves him, but his mother doesn't care about him...I just don't understand it! [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.21.08, 07:02 PM Flag
»
that will be very hard for the little boy...he has a sense of abandonment, [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.21.08, 07:05 PM Flag
»
He has been with my parents since he was 2 weeks old. My mom is the only mother he has ever known... [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.21.08, 07:10 PM Flag
»
not really - his real mom carried him while pg. He definitely knows that heartbeat and voice. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.21.08, 07:13 PM Flag
»
"real" mom? Weird thing to say. Anyone can get pg and give birth. The people who care for him are his real parents [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.21.08, 07:15 PM Flag
»
np-it's not actually as big a deal, as those books would have you believe.....this child, provided the family situation doesn't change, will not recall that heartbeat and voice [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.21.08, 07:16 PM Flag
»
I totally agree...the real mother barely even held him after he was born. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.21.08, 07:17 PM Flag
»
don't wait around for your brother...the sooner the better for the baby, i would think [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.21.08, 07:01 PM Flag
»
Like I said, my parents are still young enough to care for him. He stays with me (i have a 4 month old and he is 7 months) a lot. My mom won't let me have him...she says it isn't fair to my husband and me. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.21.08, 07:05 PM Flag
»
personally i feel that growing up in your home would be a healthier environment than to do so with grandparents...i know it's done all the time, but it's far from ideal for so many reasons...so if you and dh have enough love to give to this little guys, and especially because he is so young that he wouldn't have to adjust yet......it would probably be best....maybe talk to a child psychologist, take your mom along [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.21.08, 07:11 PM Flag
»
That is what my moms lawyer told her, too. Because of our age, stable home life, etc we would be the best fit. The db is very loved by my bro and we still have hope for him. The db changed my bro a lot so we hope he will continue to make improvements, but you never know. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.21.08, 07:14 PM Flag
»
sounds like your mom is unable to accept the fact that her own ? baby boy (meaning your brother) is unfit...even if he improves, it won't be soon enough that he is ready to parent....how does he feel about letting you adopt the baby (or be legal guardians)? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.21.08, 07:17 PM Flag
»
We haven't really talked about it because he had a horrible time accepting the fact that my parents were getting custody. I think my mom feels like a failure with my brother (even though 2 of her kids are successful) and wants to make sure db doesn't end up like brother. She is kinda of suffering from empty nest syndrome or controlling someone. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.21.08, 07:21 PM Flag
»
one of the top reasons why the grandparent shouldn't raise their screwed up kids' kids....i know there isn't always a choice, but in this case there is...your mom needs to start thinking of the baby and not herself...and soon!! [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.21.08, 07:35 PM Flag
»
Not the same situation, but my friend married a widower with 2 DC and she is now fully their "mom" (legally and also emotionally and just in terms of day-to-day stuff). [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.21.08, 07:04 PM Flag
»
wow...how old are dcs [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.21.08, 07:05 PM Flag
»
Now in 4th grade and 6th grade (I think!). They were very young when their mom died (breast cancer) -- the younger DC was a baby. She began dating their dad 3+ years later (and they dated for a while before getting engaged). [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.21.08, 07:11 PM Flag
»
Why do I feel so sad for their deceased mom? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.21.08, 07:06 PM Flag
»
ITA...one of my gfs died a couple of years ago leaving behind dh and 2 dds. I often wonder what it will be like for them when/if he remarries. She's a tough act to follow. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.21.08, 07:07 PM Flag
»
I would hate to think I was replaceable [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.21.08, 07:10 PM Flag
»
yeah but you would want a positive female role model for your dcs, right? I think it's important. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.21.08, 07:11 PM Flag
»
Well of course. But sorry, still find it very sad somehow [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.21.08, 07:16 PM Flag
»
np well you would not be really but wouldn't you want DH to move on and be happy and to find someone to love and care for your children? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.21.08, 07:11 PM Flag
»
No, it's not like that. I respect my friend for the lengths that she goes to "honor" their mom's memory. They don't call her (my friend) mom -- they call her by her first name. They see their mom's family often. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.21.08, 07:14 PM Flag
»
Thats different. By your post I thought that they called her mom [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.21.08, 07:18 PM Flag
»
Sorry for that -- I just meant that they're not "her" DC, but that she cares for them as though they are her own. The DC love her, too -- but she (and her DH) also take care to keep up their connection with their mom. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.21.08, 07:21 PM Flag
»
I think whomever can provide the most stable environment is best suited. Your parents might actually have the most to give him. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.21.08, 07:04 PM Flag
»
Absolutely...they have more time and money! I have a 4 month old that I want to love and spend all my time with. I would do it for my parents though...they have worked hard and don't deserve to raise another child! [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.21.08, 07:07 PM Flag
»
np maybe they see it as a blessing and not a burden. Sounds like a lucky kid to haev so many willing to take him in [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.21.08, 07:09 PM Flag
»
I raised my niece from 9yo to 18. The day after she turned 18 she moved out to live with her ex-drug addict, project living mother. She's no 26, has to dc born out of wedlock to 2 different men and still living with her mother. I love her too death but I really resent having wasted my 20's on her to have her end up the way she has. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.21.08, 07:07 PM Flag
»
a lot of that is probably genetic, unfortunately. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.21.08, 07:08 PM Flag
»
you are a good person, and did what felt right....if not for you she'd probably be dead by now [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.21.08, 07:13 PM Flag
»
while that is sad, try not to think of it as wasted time. She was probably damaged before you got her. Maybe she will straighten up at some point. Maybe she is just a single mom and not dead from drugs because of you. You never know what you have meant to someone else. Bless you [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.21.08, 07:13 PM Flag
»
yeah, you could've been in school then [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.21.08, 07:14 PM Flag
»
Wow! Do we have the same brother??? This sounds exactly like my family except that my niece is 3 months old. They're being investigated by DSS because of his girlfriend's past (she terminated rights to 7 other children!) My brother met her in AA. Anyway, we're looking into an interstate transfer to get her to come live with us. My brother is like yours and LOVES the baby so....if you (or I) take custody of our brother's kid what then becomes the relationship??? Are you the mom? Do you just wait around to see if he gets his act together? My mom is in total denial. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 12.21.08, 08:07 PM Flag
Refresh » New Post »
Select Category
close [X]

close [X]

Select a Category (only 1)

category
Stages
Regions