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05.21.08, 14:37 PM General Topics
44 replies
My parents are helping us with out with a loan and we are having a lawyer help us write up some will/estate issues with my parents. My parents want to gift me $50k that would me in my name alone and the rest of the loan would be in both dh and my name. DH is upset about this. It is causing such a problem I am considering telling my parents to not give me the $$ and put it all in both our names. WWYD? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 05.21.08, 02:37 PM Flag
 

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sorry but your dh is being a baby. They are your parents and if they want to give you a 50k gift they should be able to [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 02:39 PM Flag
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I agree with you, but he there is no reasoning with him. I don't even care about the money! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 02:41 PM Flag
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np:he shouldn't be able to act like such a baby though. teach him a lesson. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 02:43 PM Flag
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np: ITA! I would also be worried why he cares, signed, someone in divorce. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 02:44 PM Flag
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nnp: exactly why does he care so much? Does he want to spend it? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 02:46 PM Flag
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he doesn't want to spend it, I think he just feels left out and his feelings are hurt. I know, it's really stupid... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 02:48 PM Flag
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oh he's a real baby [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 02:49 PM Flag
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sounds like his "male ego" is being brused...as in you'll be worth more than him (on paper anyway)...your parents worked hard for their money (or even if they didn't it's their money) and i can only command them for trying to protect it (your inheritance) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 06:15 PM Flag
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he is the product of a very messy divorce. He is 100% against divorce and we have discussed that at length. I know one can never say never, but I don't see us ever getting a divorce. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 02:48 PM Flag
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hmmm, statistically speaking being the 'product' of divorce puts him in a category of more likely to be divorced...besides, if what you say is so, then he should totally be for keeping things neatly and legally separated [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 06:17 PM Flag
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His behavior is really causing a problem in our relationship and mine w/my parents. I never thought he would act this way, EVER. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 02:46 PM Flag
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Some men are "old fashioned" and they view something like this as somehow undermining the marriage. I would active listen him to death until he ends up coming to the conclusion that is not a big deal for you to have this money. Do you know how to truly active listen? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 02:48 PM Flag
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he is "old fashioned" and I am a sahm, he definitely wants to wear the pants around the house, but sadly he is so disorganized I am in control of pretty much everything. This has really been a blow to him. I really try to listen to him and I hear him out. When it's his turn to listen, he is always interrupting though. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 02:52 PM Flag
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please take the money, and keep it in your name. he's being an immature and irresponsible baby [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 02:56 PM Flag
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Ok, here is what you need to do - - when you active listen someone, you just keep repeating back what they say (paraphrasing their statements back to them as questions). Eventually, they will strip off all the layers and get to the crux of the situation. At that moment, they will realize (as you again paraphrase it back to them) that their issue isn't about the topic (money) at all - - it is about something else completely. Once he hears himself (and he has to hear it out of his own mouth), he will realize he is projecting something onto the money topic. My guess? He is scared it will give you enough financial freedom that he no longer has the upper hand. I say, however you can do it: stick to your guns and if you don't want to fight this fight, have your parents give it to you in a way that negates any of your own say (i.e., trust account) but gets the same end result. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 03:31 PM Flag
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np: I said below and since I think you and I are the only ones left: why is it fair that the income she brings into the family she gets to segregate and the income he brings in is "theirs?" [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 03:41 PM Flag
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OP: I just signed on again. Honestly, I am so confused. I see both sides, but deep down I feel I should have something "just in case" [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 03:44 PM Flag
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Does he? -np again [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 03:45 PM Flag
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I don't know. We have never talked about. My position is if I ever need anything I will work. Even though I sah, I don't feel I need a man to support me. I know I have been out of work for some years, but I am still capable of supporting myself. KWIM? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 03:47 PM Flag
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np still: I think that is a fair question for you to ask. And it was asked below, you say "he" spent the $40K your mom gave. On what? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 03:58 PM Flag
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Because she is a sahm mom and therefore, at a financial disadvantage. This gift is not a slight to him and you'll notice that she had $40k given before and he spent it on other things than the downpayment it was meant to go to. I was in the same boat as she is and I didn't fight to keep an inheritance in my name and I regret it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 03:46 PM Flag
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That's why they're giving you a portion in your name only. If he wants the loan he'll buck up and shut his trap. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 03:59 PM Flag
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so then don't reason with him. You shouldn't need his approval to accept a generous gift from your parents. If he doesn't like it then he needs to deal [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 02:44 PM Flag
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My grandmother always told me a woman should have money in her own name. I didn't listen and I regret it! Tell your DH that it isn't his money to give; that they are your parents, not his; and to grow up. And, put that money into your own account; under only your name. Sure, he can take half if you get divorced, but be that as it may - - keep the money in your name. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 02:39 PM Flag
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poster above and ITTTA [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 02:40 PM Flag
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ITA!!! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 02:51 PM Flag
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is the money for you or the family? if it is for his family, he needs to man up, if it is for you...none of his business [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 02:40 PM Flag
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what will you use the 50k for? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 02:41 PM Flag
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I don't intend on ever using it. It will stay in an account that will eventually go to our dcs. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 02:43 PM Flag
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I posted above and mentioned my grandmother. You leave it in an account under your name with your children's names as beneficiaries (something along the lines of "rights of survivorship"). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 02:46 PM Flag
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then give it to them. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 02:48 PM Flag
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dh sounds like a tool [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 02:48 PM Flag
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and is why i've made dcs beneficiaries in trust and not dh [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 02:49 PM Flag
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^one more thing, my mother gave us $40K when we got married and guess who spent it. it was meant for a downpayment, and dh felt it didnt matter how it was used once it was given to us. we are still renting to this day [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 02:51 PM Flag
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what did he spend it on? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 02:52 PM Flag
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there is your answer, then. take the money, put in an account, or even better, a trust for your kids. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 02:53 PM Flag
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do you file jointly? are your other accounts seperate? who is the primary income earner? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 02:49 PM Flag
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tell him you can't control your parents, but as far as you are concerned the $ is both of yours even if it's in your name. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 02:52 PM Flag
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So every cent he brings into the marriage is communal but not the money she brings in? And OP didn't answer but I'll bet they file jointly, so he's gonna have to pay taxes on a lot of that money bu tit is "hers"? Seems one sided. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 03:24 PM Flag
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dont be stupid. the money is given to her for her kids, so if there is a divorce, he can't get it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 03:46 PM Flag
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So put the money in trust for the kids. (These are his kids, too. Why are you assuming he would not do right by his kids?) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 03:56 PM Flag
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if something happens to OP and dh remarries, his dcs could lose all rights to the inheritance. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 03:58 PM Flag
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If it is in trust for the kids how do they lose it? (I'm not being snarky. I thought that was what "in trust" meant. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 04:05 PM Flag
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She is not goig to have to pay taxes on the money if it is gifted to her over a periood of a few years. up to 12k a year can be passed on tax free. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 06:12 PM Flag
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