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05.21.08, 13:33 PM Expecting
28 replies
Can someone please help me? 3 yo dd simply cannot stop hurting 16 mo ds. All day, if I turn my back for even 10 seconds, it's her pushing him down on his back, smacking him in the face, throwing things at him/his face, pinching his cheeks hard, lying on top of him, squeezing her legs around his neck ... I kid you not. We do not do this rough stuff ourselves, so I am really at a loss. Very serious and consistent time outs are not working. Is this normal? What would you do? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
Expecting 05.21.08, 01:33 PM Flag
 

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sounds like she needs therapy [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 01:35 PM Flag
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op: I never know if the replies on this board are serious, but assuming you are, I should add that she does not do this stuff with other kids, just her brother. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 01:36 PM Flag
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I'm serious, she seems to have very agressive/violent feelings for her brother and that isn't safe. i'm not saying she's mentally ill or anything like that but someone needs to get to the root of it and make her see it can and will seriously hurt him eventually. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 01:38 PM Flag
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sorry, you are so wrong. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 01:39 PM Flag
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No i'm not, i've BTDT. What do you think is wrong? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 01:41 PM Flag
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op: if you've BTDT, how did you get to the root of the problem? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 01:42 PM Flag
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A child therapist. My DS was trying to put his baby sister in the oven, alway slapping her, would get in her face and scream as loud as he could (till my ears hurt so imagine hers), etc. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 01:44 PM Flag
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hm. ok. the oven sounds a bit extreme, and the screaming as well. we haven't quite reached that fever pitch, maybe. so what did the therapist do? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 01:47 PM Flag
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spent time with him role playing/talking mostly. It took a few months total but he's never tried to hurt her again. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 01:48 PM Flag
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^^^and my examples don't sound any more serious than your example of your DD wrapping her legs around DS's neck and squeezing, she could choke him to death, my DS couldn't turn on the oven because the knobs were removed. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 01:49 PM Flag
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op: I don't know how anyone would get to the root of anything with a 3 yo. She's not exactly a sophisticate when it comes to expressing herself. Though I certainly wish I could. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 01:41 PM Flag
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your child does not needd therapy. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 01:42 PM Flag
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op: thanks. do you have any suggestions, or any idea when we should expect a natural improvement? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 01:44 PM Flag
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We are having the same problem. I'd love to hear what others have done. GL! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 01:35 PM Flag
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rudolf dreikurs suggests that you give your older child opportunities to help you with the baby. lots of help. also, another suggestion is to baby the older child if that is what she wants, including spoon feeding her, putting her down to a nap when the infant goes to sleep, holding and rocking her. she will begin to hate it and wnat her indepenedecne again. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 01:38 PM Flag
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We had a bit of this for awhile. It seemed to help to let them be alone together, actually (I would usually eavesdrop or pretend I was busy but really watch). Once my older one got to like the little one, the acting out stopped a bit. I only see aggressive behavior like this now when #1 is really wanting my attention [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 01:38 PM Flag
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op: thanks, but from what I've seen so far, it really would be like Lord of the Flies if I left them alone. that's when she acts the worst. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 01:40 PM Flag
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totally agree. the kid knows not to hurt them. try it, and do not act anxious about it. expect her to act kindly to her sib and she will. and NO TIME OUTS!!!!!! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 01:42 PM Flag
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np: so she can choke/beat/whatever her brother and should get no punishment? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 01:45 PM Flag
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only discouraged children misbehave. this child is discouraged. her mother does not trust her to be kind to the baby. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 01:56 PM Flag
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op: I don't understand this tactic. I'm saying she is extremely aggressive toward him when they're alone, and I'm being told to leave them alone more to work it out? This doesn't make sense to me. I'm not going to leave my 16 mo open to her antics. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 01:45 PM Flag
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that is part of the problem. you do not trust her. my suggestion is to read, "children the challenge" by rudolf dreikurs. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 01:55 PM Flag
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OP, I'm with you. This sounds like one of those theories that sounds good, but can't be put into practice, esp. if it means endangering your 16 mo. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 02:01 PM Flag
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SPANKING [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 01:46 PM Flag
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op: oh geez, believe me I want to, but I just don't see how hitting a child teaches them not to hit others. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 01:50 PM Flag
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positive reinforcement when she treats him well [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 01:47 PM Flag
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op: doing that, although it RARELY happens. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 01:51 PM Flag
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I reactively smacked dd's hand hard (left a red mark) when she went to hit db on the head once. She learned not to be rough with db from that unfortunately. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.08.17, 11:18 PM Flag
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