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09.11.19, 01:05 AM General Topics
57 replies
I am 32, single, no kids. Should I be dating divorced men with children? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 09.11.19, 01:05 AM Flag
 

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Not unless you want to. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.11.19, 01:06 AM Flag
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NO [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.11.19, 01:09 AM Flag
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never, ever. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.11.19, 01:18 AM Flag
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I mean... a friend of mine who was 30 did just this and has had a phenomenal life ever since. Sick apt in Tribeca, full time help at home, summers in east Hampton, private jets, amazing vacations yada yada... never say never [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.11.19, 01:47 AM Flag
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The dh was previously married and had a 3yo from 1st marriage. They (friend + divorced guy) had two additional kids and the rest is history. He’s also an amazing dh btw [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.11.19, 01:48 AM Flag
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How did they meet? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.11.19, 02:03 AM Flag
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I’m responder above. I’m just reporting the facts and negating or’s sentiment to “never ever”, as she’s implying that op would be making a terrible mistake. If anything, isn’t it my DF that’s the gross one? I don’t think she’s gross. I think she considers herself very lucky. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.11.19, 12:14 PM Flag
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Ewww. You’re kind of gross. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.11.19, 02:30 AM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.12.19, 01:22 AM Flag
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You aren't thinking about the life of that first child! That's the casualty here. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.11.19, 02:41 PM Flag
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No date men in their early 30s that want to get married and have dc. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.11.19, 01:22 AM Flag
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No, maybe if you're still single in 10 years. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.11.19, 01:25 AM Flag
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I married a divorced man with 2 children (very screwed up too) when I was 23. Biggest mistake of my life. Run away now! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.11.19, 01:28 AM Flag
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Seconding. Except I did this at the OP's age. Run OP, RUN! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.11.19, 01:46 AM Flag
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not really, but with that said, my df married a divorced man with a 3 year old and they then went on to have their own children and I think have been married for like 16-17 years now. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.11.19, 01:31 AM Flag
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Better to date w no kids but I wouldn’t rule them out. PS, I met my husband at 32, moved in together 33, engaged 34, married 35, got pregnant on the honeymoon, first kid at 35, second kid at 37. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.11.19, 01:38 AM Flag
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You’re my twin. Almost. Moved in and engaged 34, married 35 pregnant on honeymoon, second 39. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.11.19, 03:50 AM Flag
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One of my best friends married a divorced guy with kids when she was 36. I think he was 43. One of the happiest couple I know. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.11.19, 01:41 AM Flag
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How old were kids? What was the custody set up? Pre nup? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.11.19, 01:46 AM Flag
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No prenup. She makes way more money btw. Kid were school age. Every other weekend/one night a week custody. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.11.19, 02:01 AM Flag
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This type of custody is rare these days. And, I would be wary of any man okay with this kind of arrangement. Very old school and shows dad doesn't feel the need to be very involved. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.11.19, 06:23 PM Flag
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I don’t believe this at all. Lots of men still do this arrangement esp if the mom doesn’t work. It is sort of selfish otherwise. And many moms that I know perfect to have more than 50% even if they do work because it helps to manage school etc. like I know a mom who does every other weekend with ex (fri/sat/sun) but then the ex only has Wednesday night during the week instead of having two nights. It works for them. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.11.19, 09:06 PM Flag
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Very few divorced moms who don’t need to work [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.12.19, 01:15 AM Flag
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Yes, why not? They've figured out what DIDN'T work out and aren't going to BS around so much because they don't have the same time as a single guy wo kids. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.11.19, 01:58 AM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.11.19, 02:17 AM Flag
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OP: Thank you to everyone who has responded. The man who is interested in dating me is 35, seemingly wonderful, and wants more kids (he has a four yo daughter)... but I just feel very concerned, especially since I was a child of divorce and remember very clearly how awful it was to deal with my father's girlfriends. Still, this man seems special so I was thinking about giving it a chance. But sounds like I should probably steer clear. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.11.19, 02:02 AM Flag
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Don’t get advice on here about this! Ask people in your real life. Date this guy and see what happens. Someone should not be ruled or because they are divorced with a kid. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.11.19, 02:08 AM Flag
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This. My dad was divorced and had custody of me. His new wife eventually became my adoptive mom. I love her very much. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.11.19, 02:13 AM Flag
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Unfortunately all of my friends in real life tell me that I am crazy to even consider dating him--just bc of the child, there are no other red flags and they like him otherwise. So there's definitely a consensus. It's just been so tough for me to find someone who I really like that I think on some level I am looking for reasons to give it a shot, against my better judgment. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.11.19, 02:14 AM Flag
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This is weird. I posted above about my friend. None of us even gave his divorced with a kid status a second thought. I can’t imagine why people would be so focused on that. It is not uncommon at all. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.11.19, 02:16 AM Flag
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Just make sure to be honest with yourself that there are no other issues that you are pushing to the side. Does he disappear when things get rough (like when having a young child?)? Why did he divorce? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.11.19, 02:18 AM Flag
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Try steptalk instead [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.11.19, 05:24 AM Flag
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That website is horrible. I wouldn’t recommend that to anyone. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.11.19, 01:39 PM Flag
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UB recommended to me. I'm glad I checked it out, wished I had before marrying a divorcee. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.11.19, 05:56 PM Flag
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I would def go on some dates and def don’t meet the daughter unless it becomes serious. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.11.19, 02:20 AM Flag
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Honestly finding good men in this city is such a nightmare if you like each other and no other red flags. Young enough to start over. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.11.19, 12:10 PM Flag
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men aren't special [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.11.19, 01:27 PM Flag
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Hell, no. You'll always be 2nd best. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.11.19, 02:11 AM Flag
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This [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.11.19, 05:25 AM Flag
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no, you dont "have" to ..yet. if in late 30's maybe, but no way you are too young to now [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.11.19, 02:53 AM Flag
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Give it a try. The stats are high about meeting a divorced person at this point. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.11.19, 03:21 AM Flag
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Divorced doesn’t require a child or more [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.11.19, 05:25 AM Flag
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34F in nyc here. My friends and I generally don’t consider men with kids since there are so many never-married men here well into their 40s. That said, if the right divorced dad came along, I’d reluctantly consider it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.11.19, 04:22 AM Flag
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Emphasis on the reluctant [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.11.19, 05:24 AM Flag
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not yet. if you are single at 38, yes. You still have a few years before you need to go that route which is way more complicated. Focus on men your age who re ready to settle down. Honestly, i know its judgemental, but i think a divorced man with small kids is a high-risk bet. Its so hard raising a young child, that basically NO women would want a divorce unless the man were more trouble than he was worth. OR, he bailed because he cant put his own needs aside for his young children. If the kids are older, teens, ok, they tried to make it work, but splitting up when the kid(s) is under 5? A woman who had his own child cant live with him. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.11.19, 01:52 PM Flag
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That's a very good take. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.11.19, 03:22 PM Flag
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What if the kids are teens? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.11.19, 05:56 PM Flag
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Totally this. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.11.19, 06:23 PM Flag
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Divorced men with young children should not be getting serious in any case, and you should not be thinking about having children with these types of men. If the kids are older or you are willing to play second fiddle for years AND do not want children, then consider it [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.11.19, 02:39 PM Flag
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I was widowed young and married a divorced dad with a child more than 20 years ago, no regrets. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.11.19, 06:00 PM Flag
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NO. Men in this situation want a woman to come in and handle all the shit their wives used to handle. Also, you'd be dealing with a messy dynamic. And someone divorced with young kids tells me that he wasn't really committed to trying to make it work. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.11.19, 06:22 PM Flag
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Sure, why not? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.11.19, 07:37 PM Flag
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lmao. ready every other reply above! hahaha [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.11.19, 08:38 PM Flag
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at 32 you would be throwing in the towel. of course he looks good. he already fooled one woman into having his baby. imagibe him leaving you with a 5 year old, or why youd want to divorce with one even younger. Or do you think they just "grew apart". You are asking for a mess. every Christmas, Thanksgiving will be a nightmare. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.11.19, 08:40 PM Flag
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if you are 40, fine. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.11.19, 08:41 PM Flag
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be very careful. MANY do not want to re-marry and will string you along forever. BTDT (although I too have kids). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.11.19, 09:31 PM Flag
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Are you in NYC (or other big city where people marry/have kids later than average)? If so, hell no. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.12.19, 01:23 AM Flag
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