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09.10.19, 16:42 PM General Topics
68 replies
If you tried to breastfeed, but couldn't, do you feel bad about it now? I'm really surprised that I don't because it felt like the world was ending at the time. [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 09.10.19, 04:42 PM Flag
 

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sorry, badly [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.10.19, 04:44 PM Flag
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I would say "bad" in this context . and no I would not feel bad [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.10.19, 04:47 PM Flag
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Correct. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.10.19, 06:20 PM Flag
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badly describes being bad at feeling, not feeling bad [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.10.19, 04:54 PM Flag
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+1. like you would say "I feel good about this decision" and not "I feel well about this decision" [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.10.19, 04:59 PM Flag
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Ok thanks, I'm ESL so that confuses me. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.10.19, 05:06 PM Flag
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it is confusing because the people who use "badly" in this context are so adamantly sure that "badly" is correct. but it is not [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.10.19, 05:08 PM Flag
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Don’t sweat it. The Kardashians put the final kibosh on the English language. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.10.19, 05:15 PM Flag
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Native speakers of english overcorrect on this all the time. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.10.19, 05:17 PM Flag
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also say "I" when it should be "me" ALL THE TIME!!!!! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.10.19, 05:29 PM Flag
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You were right the first time. “It went badly” vs “I feel bad”. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.10.19, 05:13 PM Flag
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I just didn't like it. I'm a fidget by nature and I just could not sit still for so long. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.10.19, 04:45 PM Flag
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I nursed each kid for a year, and wish I hadn't. It was so stressful and exhausting, and I think now about how I sat at my desk in my workplace hooked up to a pump like a bovine, when there is actually very little research to show the benefits of breast milk after the first few weeks (if at all). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.10.19, 04:45 PM Flag
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I bfed each kid for 3 yrs and pumped at work, etc. I disagree, I think there is good research. I don't regret it. But of course I have other things I wasn't able to do or didn't know about that I regret. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.10.19, 04:48 PM Flag
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And I have other disappointments that felt like the end of the world at the time but in the end I don't regret. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.10.19, 04:49 PM Flag
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3 years is really ridiculous. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.10.19, 04:59 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.10.19, 05:06 PM Flag
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Sigh. People know so little about this issue. The composition of the milk changes as the kids age to be formulated for the stage they are in then. The mother's antibodies she produces when she exposed to things are still passed in the bm. There are benefits even for toddlers. OP should not feel guilty but there is nothing ridiculous about bfing to age 3, even in the US. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.10.19, 05:08 PM Flag
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People forget that humans are still mammals, who evolved over a huge period of time. The complex biological relationship between infant and mother is not easily replicated. When parts of it are disrupted, it can have consequences far beyond the immediate. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.10.19, 05:15 PM Flag
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calm down. has it occurred to you that breastfeeding for 3 years might be a tremendous physical burden to a woman? There's a point where the cost of breastfeeding for years begins to outweigh the benefits, but as a Sanctimommy, you probably wouldnt be interested. unreal. You clearly believe that a woman's time is best spent feeding pre-schoolers from their own breast. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.10.19, 06:14 PM Flag
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what is costly to one person is not costly to another. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.10.19, 06:21 PM Flag
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why leap to this kind of rhetoric. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.10.19, 06:21 PM Flag
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You are all kinds of wrong here. Look at the comment "3 years is really ridiculous" and then the "but as a Sanctimommy..." - these comments don't help the conversation. There are real biological benefits to both mother and child, that even apply in the US to do extended breastfeeding and discussing them does not make someone a Sanctimommy. This kind of rhetoric only hurts people. No where does ANYONE on this thread say OP should feel guilty, because she should not. There are sanctimommies on this thread. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.10.19, 07:44 PM Flag
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There are NO sanctimommies on this thread. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.10.19, 07:45 PM Flag
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i agree - none of my kids got formula but was too selfish to last 3 years - good for you! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.10.19, 11:05 PM Flag
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+1. Couldn’t go beyond 18 months. It was exhausting and db started doing acrobatics while on the nipple and stretching it out. Had to put a stop to it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.11.19, 08:43 AM Flag
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Thank you for doing so. I’m sorry it internet strangers shielded by anonymity are projecting their self loathing at failing to the same. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.10.19, 10:43 PM Flag
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This is incorrect. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.10.19, 04:49 PM Flag
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I agree. The BF push was intended for welfare recipients to get them off WIC. Didn’t work out the way the govt planned. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.10.19, 04:58 PM Flag
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actually the FORMULA push was from companies trying to make a profit. And you can tell there is nothing altruistic about it because they push it in countries where people don't have clean water, leading to huge numbers of infant death. You want to talk about an evil industry... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.10.19, 05:03 PM Flag
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The breast feeding push is because the health of children and mothers should be a priority over profits. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.10.19, 05:04 PM Flag
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For example, research has shown that the longer women breast feed, the lower the chances of developing both pre and post menopausal breast cancer. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.10.19, 05:12 PM Flag
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it really is appalling what the formula industry did by pushing formula in third world countries in particular where water is not safe [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.11.19, 03:01 PM Flag
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^ and I supplemented w/ formula without guilt (as well as bf until 1) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.11.19, 03:02 PM Flag
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No, not in the slightest. The nurses were dreadful, though. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.10.19, 04:47 PM Flag
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I think a lot of stuff with kids is like that. You are trying to do your best at the time so things seem monumental but in the end you are able to look back and put them in to perspective. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.10.19, 04:47 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.10.19, 04:53 PM Flag
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yup [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.11.19, 12:57 AM Flag
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I felt awful until I remembered I was going back to work. Why do women care about NG and pumping when they leave their baby all day?! The bond comes from spending your days with them, not pumping and BG. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.10.19, 04:48 PM Flag
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BF!! Weird auto correct. I did not pump at work, seemed ridiculous to do so. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.10.19, 04:49 PM Flag
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There is more to it than the bonding. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.10.19, 04:50 PM Flag
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Okay you have mistaken info that is not helpful to spread here. Breast milk itself is extremely beneficial beyond bonding. Pumping is stressful and it isn't helpful to denigrate that when someone women are working hard to do it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.10.19, 04:52 PM Flag
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My opinion is not meant to benefit anyone. My kids are 8&10, tall, healthy and in a great private. Personally doubt any benefits beyond the first 2 weeks [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.10.19, 04:54 PM Flag
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You are spreading misinformation by implying that the only benefit to it is bonding. I am not sure what kind of school they go to or how tall they are is relevant. These are a factor of affluence and genetics. You clearly don't have a science background (which is fine) but your anecdote is not relevant. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.10.19, 04:59 PM Flag
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It is along the lines of - "I didn't put any of my 8 kids in a carseat and they are all fine!" kind of stuff. Not helpful. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.10.19, 05:00 PM Flag
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Imagine how much smarter and more athletic they would be if you breastfed! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.10.19, 05:03 PM Flag
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^^I am joking btw. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.10.19, 05:03 PM Flag
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NP: I pumped, read the paper and it wasn't stressful, just kind of boring. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.10.19, 07:39 PM Flag
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Largely a waste of my time and more importantly , my energy. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.10.19, 04:58 PM Flag
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I had to stop at 5 weeks and did not feel bad at all. I lasted exactly 2 days pumping at work, getting up at 5am to feed before work. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.10.19, 05:01 PM Flag
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I did it the way I wanted and could do it and didn't care what others thought. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.10.19, 05:01 PM Flag
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I tried (really tried) & couldn't. Took galactagogues, had 3 (three!!!) lactation specialists work with me, pumped for hours to get 1-4 ounces max for a couple months, etc. etc. I was so disappointed my body wasn't able to feed the child I brought into the world. And yet, she thrived on formula, bonded with other people in her life who could feed her as well, and is great now (a middle schooler.) So, since she is my only loin-fruit I am wistful breast feeding didn't work for us, but it is not the be & end all in the universe. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.10.19, 05:25 PM Flag
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Ily [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.10.19, 10:44 PM Flag
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P.s. do you write professionally? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.10.19, 10:44 PM Flag
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OR: thank you! ILY too. I don't write professionally, but I do love to use my words ;) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.11.19, 01:16 AM Flag
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Heck no. I'm fine. My kids are fine. Then again, I also didn't feel badly about it at the time either. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.10.19, 05:43 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.10.19, 10:51 PM Flag
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Not at all, but I felt bad then. Only now do I realize that it is a miniscule teeny part of the parenting journey. How you treat your child and support them is much more important. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.10.19, 06:22 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.11.19, 12:51 AM Flag
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so true and my DC are only 5&7. I was at a 2 yr old birthday party over the weekend and it was hard to even recall back to *2*! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.11.19, 03:05 PM Flag
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I couldn't, but I pumped and DS had breastmilk till age 10 months. There are different ways to provide your infant with breastmilk. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.10.19, 07:38 PM Flag
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No, I just wish I had more support. My mother and mil were pretty useless. I would have appreciated a positive, guiding presence. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.11.19, 12:51 AM Flag
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my db wouldn't latch although I produced tons of milk. expressed the milk and then one of us would bottle feed db. quit when I went back to work. dc is now a pretty great teen who is also really tall and healthy so I think all's good. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.11.19, 12:59 AM Flag
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I did try, but DB was losing weight and increasing bilirubin levels so pediatrician suggested I supplement with formula. I did a combination for 3 mo, and when I had to go back to work, realized that the amount of time I spent pumping at work was an additional hour or two that would keep me from spending time with DB& DH. I think BF is great because it’s kind of like your own personal gift to DB, but beyond the initial colostrum, I do believe the health benefits are overstated, to a degree that fuels a tremendous amount of undue mommy guilt. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.11.19, 01:11 AM Flag
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+1 - THIS - breastfeeding is great if you want to and are able to do it. The health benefits are completely overstated. Check out "Cribsheet" by Emily Oster. So many of the studies about the benefits of BF'ing are incredibly flawed. But the amount of guilt it creates and mommy wars it fuels is completely unnecessary. When my first child wouldn't latch, I was so depressed about it. Made the newborn time 10x more difficult [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.11.19, 03:14 PM Flag
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No. I just wasn't made for it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.11.19, 02:54 AM Flag
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My 80+ y/o mother sighs about it to this day. Apparently I screamed my head off, so she supplemented and eventually stopped. My brother just lost weight (between 2 very close ped visits) and she remains horrified. I nursed my kids for a year and 8 months respectively and heard about it every day. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.11.19, 09:42 AM Flag
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I wasn't able to breastfeed my second DC as much as I wanted -- she was a super hungry baby and her ped gave great advice. That I'm running myself ragged and need to self care and nurse when I can and bottle feed otherwise. I felt badly as I really enjoyed nursing and wanted her to be as healthy as possible. I don't feel badly now. She's thriving, I'm thriving. All is good. You will continue to have other opportunities to care for your baby. Don't beat yourself up because mom-hood is hard work! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.11.19, 03:53 PM Flag
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