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09.09.19, 00:24 AM General Topics
71 replies
We won a family portrait in a charity auction. You go, pose for the photo, and then they paint it. We got dressed up, and it seems like there's a good chance it will turn out nice. My husband feels that it's tacky to display pictures of yourself in your home. So, he doesn't want it to hang in our family room. Thoughts? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 09.09.19, 12:24 AM Flag
 

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He's right. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.09.19, 12:28 AM Flag
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"Right" is moot. People have to live together and compromise. If he doesn't like it, hang it in a room he doesn't use much, or give it to OP's parents to hang in their home. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.09.19, 10:46 AM Flag
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He's right, partially. You aren't supposed to display family photos in the public areas of the home. If you had a dinner party, would guests enter the family room? Or is it truly just for the family? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.09.19, 12:28 AM Flag
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It’s an open floor plan. What am I supposed to do with this thing? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.09.19, 12:31 AM Flag
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Hang it in one of your bedrooms or in a hallway leading to the bedrooms. Or if you have a home office (not for clients; just for family use), hang it there. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.09.19, 10:41 AM Flag
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No, there’s no rule about public areas in your home. Good grief. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.09.19, 12:31 AM Flag
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Dear Miss Manners: My very proper mother taught us that one does not display pictures of oneself in one’s own home. I have always followed this rule and notice that all my relatives do as well, but I cannot find the rule written anywhere. Over my long life, friends have occasionally given me pictures of myself, some in frames. I have never displayed them, but I worry that I have hurt my friends’ feelings. Is my mother’s rule real and current? I actually like the rule, but want to do the right thing by my friends. Gentle Reader: The rule is still in effect, but your mother forgot to point out the loopholes. There are enough of those to accommodate your gallery. One is that you can properly display them in rooms that are considered somewhat private—your bedroom, your study, and, by extension, a family room. Another, on which Miss Manners expects to be challenged, is that a painted portrait is traditionally considered acceptable in the more public rooms, but photographs are not. She does not wish to argue against photography as an art, but let us say that photographs of you with the mayor or in your wedding clothes are best shown in the family’s area. Proper mothers are always right; but sometimes they need explaining. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.09.19, 12:33 AM Flag
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Yes, Ms. Manners would find my apartment a horror show regardless of photos. So I take it with a grain of salt. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.09.19, 12:34 AM Flag
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Personally I dream of having a home spacious enough to have "private" areas. My guests must by necessity go everywhere and witness everything! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.09.19, 12:37 AM Flag
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I don’t have a work space so my apartment is my work space. If people are critical, so what. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.09.19, 12:39 AM Flag
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I can't imagine anyone in today's world, of constant camera use and fully blended private and public spaces, criticizing anyone over photo displays. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.09.19, 10:42 AM Flag
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I agree with Miss Manners. I had a roommate in grad school who had pictures of herself posing as if she was a model on her desk. She looked nothing like a model and the whole ensemble seemed rather sad and deluded. I find the posed glam wedding and pregnancy portrait industry yields similar reactions - i.e. who does this person think she is? why isn't she happy with images of how she is in real life? why is she mimicking advertisements trying to sell fragrances? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.10.19, 03:17 AM Flag
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Except that for most people in 2019, there are no public areas of the home. Very few people have areas of their home where they might host a large dinner party with people other than their close family and friends. So the "rule" does not apply. If you are wealthy enough to have a large enough home, and guests who are not part of your "family circle", you keep your personal photos in private family areas and your formal portraits in public areas. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.09.19, 10:40 AM Flag
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Seriously? You don't ever invite over non-relatives? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.09.19, 07:10 PM Flag
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We rarely have people in our home who aren't relatives or close friends who are essentially the same as a "family circle". We wouldn't have a dinner or party with people we don't know well enough to sit in our family room with us, and most people today live the same way. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.09.19, 09:33 PM Flag
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Many years ago in my single days (1990), I won a family portrait in a charity auction. I had a portrait done of my parrot and me. ;) It is proudly hung in my family room. The bird doesn't look a day older than the parrot in the portrait, but I do. I say go for it! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.09.19, 12:28 AM Flag
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Are you the poster that has had the parrot since childhood? He/she(?) sounds like a great pet, and I love that you have a family portrait of the two of you :) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.09.19, 12:30 AM Flag
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Yep, that's me! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.09.19, 12:32 AM Flag
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ILY [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.09.19, 03:33 AM Flag
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Can we be best friends? I love this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.10.19, 12:10 AM Flag
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I personally wouldn’t want to either, but that’s just me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.09.19, 12:28 AM Flag
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I agree with him a little bit in that I wouldn't put a family portrait front and center in my own house, but off in a side room (den, office, your bedroom) doesn't seen so weird. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.09.19, 12:30 AM Flag
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Can you hang it in a bedroom or hallway? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.09.19, 12:30 AM Flag
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We could hang it in our bedroom, but that feels weird. I don’t want to go to sleep looking at myself all the time [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.09.19, 12:32 AM Flag
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lol [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.09.19, 12:36 AM Flag
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or DCs while trying to have sex [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.09.19, 02:15 AM Flag
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ha [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.09.19, 02:26 AM Flag
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I think this is just as embarrassing as when secretaries get their handbags monogrammed. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.09.19, 12:31 AM Flag
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I'm curious as to who notices when someone else gets a handbag monogrammed. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.09.19, 12:35 AM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.09.19, 12:37 AM Flag
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Or who somehow thinks that monogramming is somehow above someone's station. A Chinese sweatshop could do a monogram in a few minutes. Fancy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.09.19, 12:38 AM Flag
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You proved my point. It's cheap and stupid. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.09.19, 12:42 AM Flag
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If it weren't noticeable people wouldn't do it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.09.19, 12:40 AM Flag
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Huh? That is some weird-ass circular thinking. Yes, everything visually identifiable is done specifically to get your approval. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.09.19, 12:53 AM Flag
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Nothing is done for my approval. But everyone notices changes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.09.19, 01:02 AM Flag
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I think you are quite wrong about that last part. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.09.19, 01:07 AM Flag
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Yes. Quite. lol [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.09.19, 01:13 AM Flag
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"You wouldn't worry so much about what other people think about you, if you realized how rarely they do." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.09.19, 10:43 AM Flag
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Is that more embarrassing than when executives get their handbags monogrammed? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.09.19, 12:43 AM Flag
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Yes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.09.19, 12:46 AM Flag
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Why? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.09.19, 01:10 AM Flag
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Because secretaries are secretaries and executives are executives. Now run off to an HYP TT BS post and pretend to be egalitarian. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.09.19, 01:15 AM Flag
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Actually I was a secretary for 20 years but I'm a total elitist snob. Not sure how that happened. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.09.19, 01:17 AM Flag
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wtf? So stupid. Everyone has initials, everyone can monogram. 1950s called, they want you back because your views are OUTDATED and OLD. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.10.19, 12:11 AM Flag
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I have one monogrammed handbag. I bought it at a school fundraising tag sale because it had my initials on it. Didn't even need it really. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.09.19, 01:12 AM Flag
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Lol. Okay, Judgemental Shrew. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.10.19, 12:12 AM Flag
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I think hang a beautiful photo of your family anywhere in your home that makes you happy. And any visiting friends would be pleased to see it. Come on. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.09.19, 12:33 AM Flag
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This [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.09.19, 12:37 AM Flag
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Totally this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.09.19, 12:55 AM Flag
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Yes! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.09.19, 01:20 AM Flag
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I think old school etiquette (or decorating) says family pictures aren't supposed to be displayed in public areas. I'm not sure about paintings, however--the most old money, old school family I knew growing up had a painting of the matriarch of the family hanging over the fireplace in the living room. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.09.19, 12:33 AM Flag
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Do what makes you happy. Geez [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.09.19, 12:35 AM Flag
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He's half right. It's tacky to display contemporaneously painted portraits of your family for the first decade. After everyone grows 10 years older, it becomes nostalgia. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.09.19, 12:35 AM Flag
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I know this because my beautiful mother married a much wealthier man who had her portrait painted standing in an evening gown with her favorite cat. The fucking thing is 6 feet tall including frame and it's a joke. The artist was bad. And thousands of dollars went into this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.09.19, 12:36 AM Flag
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This sounds comical, URL? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.09.19, 12:44 AM Flag
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Have you posted about this before? Something about painted family portraits? Like there was a family who had a bunch of them? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.09.19, 01:58 AM Flag
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How tacky. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.09.19, 02:55 AM Flag
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It depends of what you mean by public areas of the home. The entryway, formal dining room and formal living room, sure. Elsewhere, it’s fine. We were just at dinner this weekend in Boston area at the house of good friends who are very much old money wasps (you would know the family name) and they have family photos in kitchen, casual dining area off kitchen, den where everyone actually hangs out in, etc. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.09.19, 12:41 AM Flag
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I think you should do things that make you happy . I love going into a home with family photos and pictures It's warm and cheerful [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.09.19, 01:29 AM Flag
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What about artwork created by a member of the family? Can those go in public areas of the home? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.09.19, 02:02 AM Flag
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If it's at least 3ft squared, hang it with pride, in the bathroom, and let your guests wonder about you [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.09.19, 02:05 AM Flag
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How did it turn out? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.09.19, 02:16 AM Flag
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(Maybe gift it to parents? inlaws?) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.09.19, 02:16 AM Flag
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Honestly, ”paintings” done from photographs are ”tacky” so it doesn't matter where you put it. Enjoy it for the experience and not for other people judging you. When you can afford it, have your portrait painted and if you don't know how to tell a good portrait painter don't be afraid to ask a friend for advice and consider having one done while you're on vacation- portraiture in England is really much better and they can ship it to you a few months later after it dries [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.09.19, 03:56 AM Flag
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Almost all portrait painters also take photos to help them paint [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.09.19, 05:30 AM Flag
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They might take a reference photo but it doesn't sound like she sat for q painting at all [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.09.19, 12:03 PM Flag
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Well that's weird :( [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.09.19, 03:17 PM Flag
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Was this through Kramer portraits? I won the same thing at a school auction, and had a miserable experience with them. Lots of high pressure selling, high cost for framing and shipping. An 8x10 "painting" of DC set me back $400. And there was not an iota of paint on this - but they did darken DCs hair and skin, and it looks nothing like my DC. I realize that this doesn't answer your question, but if it's the same vendor, please proceed with caution. But to answer your question, no, not tacky at all if it's a nice picture. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.09.19, 02:03 PM Flag
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Oh FFS. Hang it wherever you life. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.09.19, 03:21 PM Flag
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This [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.09.19, 06:53 PM Flag
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It's a display of vanity and pride. Unless it is a Sargent, your guests will snicker and roll their eyes about your public self-aggrandizement when you aren't around. In a private room, that is more forgiveable as it is not for the non-admiring public. Regardless of where you put it, it's very kitsch and will be more appreciated by your children and their spouses as it would be kind of a sentimental joke of the bygone years. My in-laws had their teenage sons painted and you can guess how excited the steeped-in-irony meta humor grandkids are for the ridiculous portraits. Especially because both sons were divorced by their wives cuz they turned out to be losers waiting for their inheritances. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.10.19, 03:09 AM Flag
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