< Return to Talk
09.08.19, 20:26 PM General Topics
51 replies
Any former sorority moms on? Would love to hear your experiences. DD plans to join a sorority (she's hearing from her older friends that it's a great way to meet people). I feel like there are lots of horror stories about sororities (and especially fraternities)--ranging from hazing and dangerous/demeaning behavior, to cliquishness and snobbery. Thoughts? Also, is it common to get rejected by every sorority during Rush or do people generally get picked up (even if not by their first choice)? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 09.08.19, 08:26 PM Flag
 

Dear UrbanBaby community,

Thank you so much for being a valued member of the UrbanBaby community. We wanted to inform you that we are shutting down the site on July 6th. We are grateful for your participation and support that has helped make UrbanBaby such an important resource to parents for many years.

If you have any questions or concerns, you can email us at urbanbaby-support@cbsinteractive.com.

Thanks so much,

UrbanBaby Support

»
I was in a sorority and it was very big at our school, but I think the culture depends on the school. I definitely met people but really wasn't close friends with the girls from my sorority- the girls I lived with in the dorm developed much tighter bonds. There was definite hazing at the fraternities and when I look back, it was scary. We were not hazed. I would say 1-2 women I know did not get picked up, out of about 20 I knew who rushed. They were devastated at the time but were fine afterward. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.08.19, 08:35 PM Flag
»
^this was in the midwest by the way and I would guess about 70% of students were part of the Greek system. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.08.19, 08:36 PM Flag
»
Hazing can happen anywhere, so everyone just needs to have the backbone to say, "I'd rather be alone for the right reasons, than be part of the group for the wrong reasons." You can't get hazed if you aren't desperate to be part of a group of abusive anal fissures. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.09.19, 10:48 AM Flag
»
It was very chill at my school. I hear these stories about poor girls rushing their first few days of school, arriving at school with "recs" from former sorority members, or not getting a bid and deciding to leave school in the spring bc they will have no social life. All that makes my skin crawl. We are actively looking for schools for my dcs without a huge Greek influence. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.08.19, 08:38 PM Flag
»
Swarthmore eliminated all its fraternities this year. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.08.19, 08:45 PM Flag
»
I think they had an incident with one, if I recall correctly [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.08.19, 08:48 PM Flag
»
Yes, they found old meeting minutes that confirmed conspiracy to make rapes happen, basically. Rather than try to "fix" fraternity life, they were eliminated. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.08.19, 08:53 PM Flag
»
omg [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.08.19, 10:03 PM Flag
»
This is how dh and I feel too. I know my oldest won't want to rush but I don't want any of them at schools where it will limit their social lives. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.08.19, 09:02 PM Flag
»
I did it because I wanted to be like my older sister who was VP of her sorority - My older sister however was in a clique in HS - was the scary hot girl - wanted and feared by all boys and envied by girls. I was more like the cartoon character Daria. I did wind up rushing and doing it but the only sorority that wanted me was a very quirky one. The one where I double legacy at (my sister and cousin) flat out rejected me. It sucked. That said, once I dusted myself off, I realized that I clicked with the quirky weirdos and they even embraced my outside uniqueness of belonging to certain campus clubs that you wouldn't expect a sorority girl to belong to. Rush sucked - you had to dress alike and do stupid things for hazing. One night I had to paint a mural with my pledge class in the freezing cold. I hated line ups - when you were called to the house at any given moment for some silly embarrassing thing(nothing that put you in danger). Parties were insane - I remember lots of beer, pictures falling off the walls do to them shaking, body surfing and yes, many people getting alcohol poisoning - you shouldn't be dumb about things. That was scary. I wouldn't discourage my own children from pledging but I would warn them about safety - not to do anything stupid. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.08.19, 08:44 PM Flag
»
ILY. Made me laugh. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.08.19, 08:50 PM Flag
»
+1 [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.09.19, 09:09 PM Flag
»
I wasn't in a sorority but I was at many college parties like you describe. It is NOT limited at all to sororities [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.08.19, 08:51 PM Flag
»
seconding [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.09.19, 12:33 AM Flag
»
OP. Thank you for the helpful reply. I'm not going to tell her not to do it, but I want to learn more about it so that I can be informed and have a conversation about any concerns I have. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.08.19, 11:18 PM Flag
»
I love your posts, what you describe is my DDS. The older one was perfect for a sorority the younger one needs to stick to creative clubs [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.09.19, 02:41 PM Flag
»
or: Thank you - I joined the radio station and TBH those were my people - I'm in a creative field fwiw. My sister is the head of HR at hospital :) - [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.09.19, 09:45 PM Flag
»
The further south you go, the weirder and crazier it becomes. My DD is in a sorority in a midwest LAC, and they have parties and do community service, but do not have a house and rush is lowkey. The stories she has heard about Texas and Alabama, on the other hand... [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.08.19, 08:45 PM Flag
»
+1- I also went to a school where sororities don’t live together and it was overall a good experience (except Rush, which is universally awful). Essentially replaced some HS social activities - eg formal in lieu of prom. Also offered some leadership roles with low work levels, which helped build my resume at a mid-size school where a campus wide position would have been tough to find. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.08.19, 10:12 PM Flag
»
Not geographical. Varies by campus and also greek organization prominence/influence varies by campus too. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.09.19, 12:35 AM Flag
»
Example https://www.townandcountrymag.com/society/tradition/g2977/best-sorority-houses/ midwest, california, new england area - all have amazing houses, which is saying something with the cost of real estate compared to as you wrote, in the south, where it is cheaper [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.09.19, 12:41 AM Flag
»
A lot really depends on the school and quite frankly your daughter. I joined a mellow sorority and I loved it. I met so many nice people and it was great after in keeping us all in touch with alumni associations. I thought being a pledge was annoying sometimes but fun and it really bonded me to my pledge class. If your DD know to pick one she likes and not one she thinks is the coolest, she will have a great time. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.08.19, 08:51 PM Flag
»
It’s time to let go, and make yourself busy with your own life. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.08.19, 09:08 PM Flag
»
Yeah, except OP is (presumably) paying for both college tuition and sorority dues/fees. Therefore, she has a right to know what's going on and approve of it. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.08.19, 09:17 PM Flag
»
I strongly disagree. They are adults. Your purse strings are not the same as umbilical cord. Let them GO BE ADULTS. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.08.19, 09:28 PM Flag
»
It is a financial commitment too so I agree the parents are involved. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.08.19, 11:41 PM Flag
»
It really depends on the school. Bigger Greek schools will have some people rejected by every sorority and they might have more “intense” cultures with hazing. She can go through rush and pledge ship and see if it’s for her. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.08.19, 10:45 PM Flag
»
I was in a sorority at a small LAC and it really was great. but, it wasn't a big scary one with crazy people and terrible hazing. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.08.19, 11:27 PM Flag
»
I was in a sorority but was closer to my dorm-mates from first year than the sorority sisters. We had a beautiful house and you could live there or just take meals. We were not hazed. However the fraternity culture at our school was disturbing and I wouldn't recommend this school for DCs. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.08.19, 11:43 PM Flag
»
I have two perspectives. I was in a sorority(large southern university) and was a Dean of Students at different large southern university who oversaw the Greek system. As a student, I enjoyed the experience but it wasn't my life. I was involved in other student organizations. Yes there was hazing but it wasn't too crazy. It's not like the fraternities. As an adult and a college administrator, my opinion is the Greek system is the worst. I have many stories that i will not bore you with. I have a son and daughter and I will not encourage them to join. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.09.19, 12:10 AM Flag
»
Don't need stories but why/how is it the worst? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.09.19, 12:34 AM Flag
»
Google? https://vocal.media/education/best-college-sororities-in-the-u-s, https://www.townandcountrymag.com/society/tradition/g3193/best-sororities/, https://theculturetrip.com/north-america/usa/articles/the-most-notorious-sororities-in-the-united-states/, https://www.quora.com/What-are-the-top-sororities-nationally [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.09.19, 12:39 AM Flag
»
Huh. Based on these links, it looks like Kappa Alpha Theta is the place to be! [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.09.19, 05:00 AM Flag
»
"The sorority with the most celebrity alumni, the organization has over 270,000 members internationally. With famous alumni such as Tory Burch, Laura Bush, Melinda Gates, Sheryl Crow, Amy Grant, Ann Margret, Dylan Lauren, Sarah Clarke, Claire McCaskill, Kerri Strug, Lynne Cheney, and many, many more, the sorority is chalk full of boat-worthy members." for UB yes :) [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.09.19, 03:32 PM Flag
»
My alma mater had no sororities but my closest friend was very active in hers at Lafayette. She's never said anything negative about hazing or such, and she's still very close friends with many of the other members, all of whom seem like nice, normal women. Just an anecdote. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.09.19, 12:41 AM Flag
»
Back in the Paleolithic Era, I was in a sorority at UCLA. The Greek system is huge there. I think I was in shock during the whole rush experience. It was truly intense. I made it through rush alive, joined a sorority, made good friends and had a great time. I have no idea what rush is like at big schools like that now, but back then it was a huge production and it was a very stressful experience. It was like high school amped up 300 times. Awful! I did not have the benefit of the internet back then or even relatives who had been in sororities or fraternities. Both of my parents were from Europe and they knew nothing about this weird American university stuff. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.09.19, 12:52 AM Flag
»
UCLA greek is still huge. Are you still friends with any of your greek sisters? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.09.19, 02:12 AM Flag
»
I am. I am still close friends with several fraternity brothers from back in the day as well. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.09.19, 02:54 AM Flag
»
Interesting you raise this. I would far prefer my daughter be in a sorority and learn how to interact with people than be glued to her phone and whatever impulsive viciousness text chains and social media evoke. She’s a smart kid, so was I. I was in a sorority. Not the most popular girls, but the girls I clicked with. And yes I did have the option to be in the other ones. I liked having things to do and a place to go (we didn’t have a house though). For a while I dropped out but then I went back. I like having a full social calendar. Overall I am glad I did it and I would hope they would teach these kids how to carry themselves as young women and learn some leadership skills as well. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.09.19, 01:10 AM Flag
»
This is so ridiculous if you think that sorority girls are not using texting and social media. You are comparing what you see of teens NOW to what you remember of your sorority days THEN. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.09.19, 05:40 AM Flag
»
I’m sure they do BUT they also physically see each other and do things- structured activities. A lost art. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.09.19, 03:00 PM Flag
»
You sound like you belong on urbangrandbaby [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.09.19, 07:46 PM Flag
»
I went to UGA for grad school and the locals (including staff, grad, etc.) called rush week "Umpa-Lumpa" for (smaller, shorter) undergrads wearing white, fake tans, and gelled hair. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.09.19, 02:14 AM Flag
»
I was in a sorority at a small LAC in Texas, and it was a wonderful experience. It totally depends on the culture at the school. The things that made a difference at my alma mater are: 1) Rush was in the spring, so you had a semester to get to know people and figure out where you fit in. 2) No houses, so I wasn't exclusively with sorority members all the time. 3) Low dues, so the Greek system wasn't just for rich kids. 4) No hazing. My sorority forbids it and really sticks to that. My closest friends now, 20 years later, are still the women I met in my sorority. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.09.19, 02:20 PM Flag
»
OR: Also, I feel that the sorority experience did help me later in life. There are a lot of professional development and networking skills you pick up by running meetings, planning events, "interviewing" new members, etc. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.09.19, 02:21 PM Flag
»
Wow, this sounds fabulous! [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.09.19, 03:31 PM Flag
»
It really was, and still is! It's impossible to paint all Greek life with the same brush. I'm saddened reading stories of terrible things that happen at other school in the name of Greek organizations. They can be a force for good, but are often not. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.09.19, 04:23 PM Flag
»
I was in a Panel leadership role at my Ivy League school. I think sororities can be great or terrible. It's about human nature. My sorority was a very positive influence on my life. We used Panel as a platform as the largest women's organization on campus to do a lot of social advocacy work. Also, the greek women at my school had a higher avg. GPA than non greek women. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.09.19, 03:21 PM Flag
»
Panhel, not Panel. As in Panhellenic Council. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.09.19, 03:23 PM Flag
»
As others have said, it varies given region of the country, national versus local sorority, and even within a college's own campus. I was part of a sorority at Dartmouth. It was very chill. It was nice to have a female dominated space. Drinking was a big part of the culture, but we were never hazed. I'm sure there were dry sisters. I just wasn't one of them. I don't think many of us would have even bothered to rush at a big southern school, though - that experience seems intense!! [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.09.19, 04:32 PM Flag
»
Late to the party here (no pun intended!), but I was in a "top" sorority in a Top 20 southern school about 10-15 years ago (think UVA/Duke/Vandy), and I would not want the same experience for my daughter. Maybe things have changed, but it was truly a huge distraction and waste of such precious emotional energy that could have been channeled into more productive pursuits during my precious time there. I wish I could go back and do it all over again and just focus on school, but I worked so hard in high school to get into college, that by the time I arrived, I was so burnt out and just ready to party, and was lacking in emotional maturity. My career and life have turned out pretty okay, but if I had been more focused on my grades and actually worthwhile ECs, I think my life could have turned out even better. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.09.19, 10:43 PM Flag
Refresh » New Post »
Select Category
close [X]

close [X]

Select a Category (only 1)

category
Stages
Regions