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09.07.19, 11:42 AM General Topics
30 replies
Asking for my husband... My husband has a child with previous marriage. He does everything right, he makes the calls, he tries to see her as much as he can, he pays the child support on time, he sends the gifts.... But his ex wife hold back important information about the childs well being, location, travels, schooling, ect... basically everything. He isnt told until way after the fact if at all (for SOME things). Trying to get the ex to answer his calls or facetimes is a fight. Is there some kind of legal thing we can do ? I personally have never been divorced and I have only had one child with my husband so all this is foreign to me. I just feel sad bc hes just so amazing and they just dont allow him to be a dad. Thanks for the info! [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 09.07.19, 11:42 AM Flag
 

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^^ OP: someone posted this on FB.. I will post any reply on that post. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.07.19, 11:43 AM Flag
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Well right there then you know that second wife has bad intentions. Who posts something private like this on FB? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.07.19, 02:09 PM Flag
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+ 1. Tell her to get out of her DH and his ex’s business. Most likely she is ow and really wants to piss off ex and destroy little kids life. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.07.19, 02:16 PM Flag
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Post a link to the thread [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.07.19, 03:09 PM Flag
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Why did he agree to the custody arrangement that allows this? He could have had 50:50 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.07.19, 11:45 AM Flag
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He probably had joint legal custody. Rare not to have it. It is not ok what the mom is doing. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.07.19, 01:15 PM Flag
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If he had wanted shared physician custody, none of this would be happening. He wanted mom to do all of the work and be his liaison to the school and everything else. She is apparently saying f that. OP doesn’t suggest she is denying any visitation. Merely that the dad sees the DC “as much as he can” and sends gifts. Doesn’t sound like he even has regular visitation and may have even moved away. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.07.19, 02:43 PM Flag
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So what? Just because you don’t have 50/50 physical doesn’t mean your legal rights are taken away. If the mother doesn’t work for example may be a better schedule. I’m sorry. I’m a single mom and I prefer that to when I had 50/50. I don’t keep my ex out of the loop. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.07.19, 02:55 PM Flag
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No. If you are not an involved parent, it’s unreasonable to expect your ex to treat you like a spouse with a job that makes it hard for you to be around. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.07.19, 02:58 PM Flag
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Break the law if you want. Not having 50/50 physical custody is something that works for many people. If you limit access to your kids and their lives to aboatent that has joint legal you are breaking the lawyers. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.07.19, 03:32 PM Flag
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What? If the mom was breaking the law, OP surely would have mentioned that. It’s pretty clear that the dad is absentee and looking to blame the mom. The post reads as though the dad no longer lives near the mom and DC so can’t physically go to the school himself or see the DC on a regular schedule. However, OP boxed herself in by pretending to post on someone else’s behalf so can’t reapond to provide info. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.07.19, 03:49 PM Flag
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Not responding to FaceTime. Joint legal custody men’s making decisions about health care and education. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.07.19, 04:25 PM Flag
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np: These aren't "breaking the law". They are breaking a contract. Massive difference. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.07.19, 04:29 PM Flag
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It is more serious that that because a judge hasn’t to sign off on this. Custody agreements aren’t a simple contract. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.07.19, 07:02 PM Flag
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You aren’t familiar with custody agreements. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.07.19, 04:26 PM Flag
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NP: this - this person has no idea how custody works in NYS - I fought hard for 50.50 court wanted to give me 20/80 - after $150K in legal bills and 5 years my ex agreed to 30.70 and it ended. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.07.19, 10:23 PM Flag
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How old is dc? Can he reach out to her? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.07.19, 12:03 PM Flag
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He should receive all the mailings from the school that the mother gets. That’s one issue that should be easily rectified. I would also think he could get some requirement for regular communication w the child via a court order. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.07.19, 12:28 PM Flag
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this is good advice. he should also join the PTA and ask the PTA secretary to send all info to him. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.07.19, 11:55 PM Flag
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Post a link to UB. That person seem like trying to blow up her DH’s relationship with ex why post something like this on FB ? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.07.19, 12:34 PM Flag
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THIS. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.07.19, 02:09 PM Flag
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It’s not necessarily mother’s job to update dad. He should be in contact with school, medical providers, etc. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.07.19, 12:47 PM Flag
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That seems really impractical (doctor is supposed to return two sets of calls and speak to two different parents separately? Good luck) - but nevertheless the custody agreement should detail how this is meant to work. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.07.19, 01:08 PM Flag
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This. Whether impractical or not, custodial parent not responsible for being admin to the one who isn't. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.07.19, 02:08 PM Flag
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He needs to have a lawyer write a letter to the principal of the child's school and to the child's pediatrician saying he has a right to receive all records and communications and be included on all decisions, invited to all conferences, etc. Then he should follow up with a friendly phone call or email to the teacher and doctor's office staff. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.07.19, 01:08 PM Flag
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Sounds like there's no official custody arrangement. Do they live in the same city? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.07.19, 01:54 PM Flag
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They have a custody arrangement and whatever he signed, they are both legally obligated to comply with. If she isn't, he knows his legal options. Tell him to call his attorney. The reason he isn't is that you are believing the limited perspective you're seeing. I'd love to hear the mother's side of this... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.07.19, 02:08 PM Flag
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Just to shed light from the other POV-- i live alone with my daughter. Her dad is a very good dad but sometimes he really gets on my case about something I didn't tell him and it was something I considered minor and he considered major. An example-- a little campout overnight at her school. They were sleeping there that night in tents. It just slipped my mind to tell him until the day of, and it made him really mad. So, my suggestion (which might be beside the point): Maybe they need to really spell out the things she needs to communicate with him, and also how facetime will work. My two cents, good luck! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.07.19, 02:55 PM Flag
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as someone said above, there's nothing stopping the Dad from providing his email to the school, PTA, class parent, etc.. so he gets all the school notifications. I was in a position at dc's elementary school where a divorced dad reached out to me to get info, and I was happy to provide it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.07.19, 11:56 PM Flag
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np- I suspect this is the case as well. Ex-h may be shifting all responsibility for legwork/updates on mom. He is creating more work for her. He can do it himself. All schools, doctors, etc. will directly notify of events if he requests. It is not the responsibility of an ex to take care of other parent's calendar. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.08.19, 11:05 AM Flag
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